news from the national pike family

[jillR]

http://www.broadsnationalpike.com/2015/03/broads-hireboat-operator-to-re-brand-as.html

[JennyMorgan]

Whilst I find the pesky pike's ruminations amusing, and apt, I just hope that no one takes offence.

[SPEEDTRIPLE]

Whilst I find the pesky pike's ruminations amusing, and apt, I just hope that no one takes offence.

 

 

Yes, i`d agree with that. Very funny, but possibly a bit near the knuckle?.

[C.Ricko]

Its all in good humour,  Ernie the pike understands that people have to put themselves forward sometimes to be in the frame, I was in his garden last time we were all asked to sponsor an event, I think I may have been the only business who spoke to the organiser... 

[marshman]

Well done Clive and thank you for clarifying this point - why do people have to be asked to do everything and then because someone takes the initiative, make a comment suggesting that it would have been nice to have been asked!!!!

 

This is the second business that has commented on a Forum about not being asked to sponsor something - perhaps they will learn what really happens in life and now themselves grasp the initiative and put forward proposals for cooperation in this manner. Or is it they just want a moan??

[JennyMorgan]

It is all in good humour, good on Clive for taking Eddy's outpourings in this manner. 

 

People speak highly of Clive, I do the same of 'Eddy'. Pity that one man's ridiculous game is giving rise to this difference of opinion.

[MauriceMynah]

I don't think there is really much "difference of opinion" I would liken this more to the banter we all like on these forums.

[BroadScot]

I don't think there is really much "difference of opinion" I would liken this more to the banter we all like on these forums.

Aye very true MM you canny beat a guid bit of banter!

 

 

Iain.

[jillR]

 

Thursday, 26 May 2016

Punch and Jury

 

From the Spidery Recording Files #343 in May 2016 ...

“Damn it, I’m really in trouble now”, Granny sniffed into her mid-morning gin.

“What’s up now?”, asked Dr. Pikeman. “Don’t worry, I’ll cover your tracks for you whatever you get up to, I promise!”

“That pesky Monitoring Officer is allowing a code of conduct case against me to be investigated! I can’t be found guilty, that would ruin my career! I’ll never become Dame Granny if that happens…”

“Never fear, the Doctor is here. I know how to fix that one for you. At the next meeting in May, Members will be asked to rubber stamp an appointment process for the Independent Person who will preside over your code of conduct case. I’ll just tell them that you have to do the interviews with a bit of help from a couple of others, they’re all mostly fast asleep and won’t notice that they’ve put you in charge of appointing your own jury. It’ll be fine.”

“Really John? Can that be done? I get to choose the person who decides if I’m guilty of breaching the code of conduct? That’s brilliant, are you sure the Members won’t notice?”

“I promise you, they won’t notice.”

… recording ends here, probably due to a flat battery …

Well, I hope you all know I'm not kidding you. If you think the Pike blog is full of made up nonsense, think again. Check out the Blessed Authority’s agenda for Friday, 13th May 2016. The Authority resolved to appoint Prof Jacquie Burgess, Sir Peter Dixon and Guy McGregor to conduct interviews for the Independent Person in code of conduct cases. Did the compromised lady in question ever bat an eyelid? No. Did she perhaps put her hand up and say, “Sorry, I might not be the best person to sit in on these interviews as I’m personally compromised”? No. The Authority is as broken as it’s ever been and worse.

Till the next time, when Granny appoints her best chums from the body of Members to help the “independent” person decide her fate…

 

Keep swimming!

Fenny

 

Posted by Fen Raft Spider at 19:31

Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest

[JennyMorgan]

Don't doubt this one, 'tis the long established modus operandi.

[SPEEDTRIPLE]

On 26/05/2016 at 8:36 PM, jillR said:

 

Thursday, 26 May 2016

Punch and Jury

 

From the Spidery Recording Files #343 in May 2016 ...

“Damn it, I’m really in trouble now”, Granny sniffed into her mid-morning gin.

“What’s up now?”, asked Dr. Pikeman. “Don’t worry, I’ll cover your tracks for you whatever you get up to, I promise!”

“That pesky Monitoring Officer is allowing a code of conduct case against me to be investigated! I can’t be found guilty, that would ruin my career! I’ll never become Dame Granny if that happens…”

“Never fear, the Doctor is here. I know how to fix that one for you. At the next meeting in May, Members will be asked to rubber stamp an appointment process for the Independent Person who will preside over your code of conduct case. I’ll just tell them that you have to do the interviews with a bit of help from a couple of others, they’re all mostly fast asleep and won’t notice that they’ve put you in charge of appointing your own jury. It’ll be fine.”

“Really John? Can that be done? I get to choose the person who decides if I’m guilty of breaching the code of conduct? That’s brilliant, are you sure the Members won’t notice?”

“I promise you, they won’t notice.”

… recording ends here, probably due to a flat battery …

Well, I hope you all know I'm not kidding you. If you think the Pike blog is full of made up nonsense, think again. Check out the Blessed Authority’s agenda for Friday, 13th May 2016. The Authority resolved to appoint Prof Jacquie Burgess, Sir Peter Dixon and Guy McGregor to conduct interviews for the Independent Person in code of conduct cases. Did the compromised lady in question ever bat an eyelid? No. Did she perhaps put her hand up and say, “Sorry, I might not be the best person to sit in on these interviews as I’m personally compromised”? No. The Authority is as broken as it’s ever been and worse.

Till the next time, when Granny appoints her best chums from the body of Members to help the “independent” person decide her fate…

 

Keep swimming!

Fenny

 

Posted by Fen Raft Spider at 19:31

Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to FacebookShare to Pinterest

Me thinks there could be something fishy going on here?. lolol.

[JennyMorgan]

Fishy goings on? T'is one way to achieve & maintain control.

[jillR]

batty goings on ......

 

Friday, 10 June 2016

Please Hang Up And Try Again

 

The Blessed Authority's bumbling planning department plunged to new depths of incompetence this week when it decided that using a former phone box as a community information kiosk was "a material change of use requiring planning consent."

Our researchers had a quick look at the relevant legislation, and confirmed that Part 12 Class A of the General Development Order expressly permits parish councils to provide information kiosks under permitted development. But Officers were quick to invoke the Pikeman Principle, which states that planning laws do not apply to organisations which call themselves National Parks. Especially ones who have a large planning department and not enough planning applications to justify it.

"Under the Authority's Equal Persecution Policy, we can't be seen to be unduly lenient with parish councils," said a Blessed Spokesperson, "and - in the interests of fairness and transparency - we must ensure that we place as many arbitrary obstacles in their way as we do for boatyards and home owners. Where our policy conflicts with legislation, we may use 'differential interpretation' to justify our position, rather than admit that we might be wrong."

Providing information kiosks is a statutory function of parish councils, so Halvergate PC adopted the phone box, thinking it would be a good community use for an attractive but obsolete piece of history. But Blessed officers insisted that they should have been consulted - “We know all about information centres; in fact we've closed several over the years” they said.

The Blessed Authority have now designated the phone box as a Community Asset, giving the community the right to buy the phone box so that it can be retained as a 'payphone' (Google it, kids). "It doesn't matter that nobody needs phone boxes anymore" said the blessed spokesperson, “we must still preserve them for posterity - along with other anachronisms such as our planning department. Therefore, we will require a heritage statement to demonstrate how the proposed information kiosk would relate to the Halvergate Conservation Area, as well as an ecological survey, a landscaping plan, a traffic impact survey and of course a flood risk assessment including a flood evacuation plan.

Batphone

"Given the high probability of roosting bats in the phone box," continued the officer, "a protected species survey will be required. If there is no evidence of bats, then they will need to be encouraged using bat bricks, meaning that the development cannot be used during the roosting season of March to October. The information kiosk will of course still be available for use during the 4 months of winter."

Finally, the Blessed Authority will require a lengthy set of planning conditions to ensure that there are plenty of opportunities for future enforcement action if officers run out of work in the future, as seems to be the case right now.

 

Posted by Broads National Pike at 17:03

[JennyMorgan]

The above, folks, is entirely true, further illustrating that the Authority and its planning department have completely lost the plot. I'm just surprised that a colony of those incredibly rare newts haven't reared their heads yet.

[Vaughan]

This is brilliant satire!

For my opinion of planners, see the thread "northern distributor road"

[JennyMorgan]

NDR planners are undoubtedly in a league above those of the BA.

[Viking23]

I really don't understand the problem, for years telephone boxes in major cities have been uses as information centres, just read the small cards, offering you a good time, lol. No change there then as the new information centre leaflets will also be offering you a good time, and similarly at some great cost for some of the attractions. 

I think there are a few car dealers offering classic cars too, loads of Escorts on offer lol.

Maybe these unused phone boxes should be used as late night urinals, oh they have been used for that purpose for years. lol 

Rarely would you find a phone that worked, the phone might as well not be there.

So for these phone boxes, no change of use required ! lol.

You won't need a three month approval process to tell you the same. lol

[BroadScot]

On the rail line between London Victoria and Gatwick is a yard with hundreds of the old Red Phone Boxes. I do hope someone has told them we are now using cell phones instead!  Still, I suppose they can still be used for props in films!

Iain

[Hockham Admiral]

Or you may find a use like this, Iain!

[BroadScot]

Ohhh press button B!!!  John ! Thanks for that. Where is it? Please.

[Vaughan]

I heard Frank Muir on the radio, describe the phone box as a classic piece of British engineering.

Whichever direction you approach it from, the door is always on the other side!

[jillR]

 

Thursday, 7 July 2016

New censorship code to ban member-officer friendships

 

 

Blessed members will this week consider revised staff / member protocols designed to prevent leaks, stifle debate, and ban 'improper' friendships.

Notable amongst the changes is a prohibition on members being 'friends' with staff on social networks.

The rule change will be embarrassing for Blessed Chair Granny Spokesperson, who famously owns a boat in joint names with a senior officer (pictured above). Although the arrangement was considered to be "just about" within the rules by 2 ex-Monitoring Officers, it is clearly a breach of the new code which aims to prevent cross-fertilisation between officers and members.

I'm In The Mood for Dancing

The new protocol is said to follow the Nolan Principles of conduct in public life, whilst also incorporating the Pikeman Principle which recognises the "special qualities of the Blessed Authority". This permits officers to ignore the nationally-agreed principles "where appropriate", to prevent Members from opposing bad decision making, or exposing unlawful or incompetent behavior.

The first Nolan principle, for example, requires members "to act solely in terms of the public interest". But Pikeman Principle #1, which calls on members to "publicly defend decisions made by the Authority", automatically takes precedence where there is a conflict between the two.

Don't Make Waves

It's been confirmed that any officer opinion is now classified as a "decision of the Authority", making it a code of conduct offence for a member to disagree. The principle is reinforced in the newly revised Blessed Staff Handbook, which says that officers must never back down or apologise, even if they are wrong.

The new code is intended to come into immediate effect, though it "may take some time to work the gremlins out" acccording to a Blessed Spokesperson.

"It's collective responsibility gone mad" said one former member.

 

 

[jillR]

 

Sunday, 17 July 2016

Blessed Punishment Beatings Continue

 

 

The Blessed Authority was rocked again last week with the news of a third Member assassination.

 

Following on from the evictions of Alan The Hammer and Wee Jimmy Day, blonde Swedish bombshell Henna Larsson was sensationally removed from the planning committee after she disagreed with a planning officer. 

 

"It's my own fault" she wept in an interview later. "I'm so used to being able to speak openly as a democratically elected councillor that I forgot all about the Blessed Special Status and accidentally corrected a junior planning officer when she was wrong. I realise now that this was foolish of me and that my duty to protect the Blessed Reputation transcends trivial things like public interest or telling the truth."

 

Lord Peterson of Hickling, Blessed Planning Chair, confirmed the sudden eviction. "I can't see why anyone's surprised" he said. "Her card's been marked since she said we should talk to those blasted ferals last year. She really does need to understand that we have our own way of doing things here. If an officer says something wrong, then they can't just unsay it can they? That would be quite potty. And having these so-called elected Councillors running around pretending that this is a democracy - well it's simply intolerable."

 

Blessed members, however, expressed their disquiet after the meeting. "There was no warning of this in the agenda," said one, "so it was a bit of a surprise when the Blessed Leaders suddenly dumped it on us. I did think it a bit odd that we'd received a flurry of Henna's private emails the night before, but didn't expect another execution so soon after the last one. I wonder who'll be next?"

 

In a blow to the Blessed Elite, members agreed to hold open Henna's post so that they could find out whether she'd actually done anything wrong. "That's ridiculous" snapped Granny, "she's disagreed with planning officers AND me for heaven's sake. How much more evidence can they want?"

 

 

In other appointment news, there was joy for Granny as her pet poodle "Round of Drinks" Bilson was rewarded for his unwavering loyalty by being confirmed a complete "Member" by the Secretary of State, though this was tempered by the disappointment of losing her chief whip, the shouty Dick Nigelson. "The bastards. Well I'm keeping my Blessed Sweater, at least" he shouted, as he stomped out of the room for the last time.

 

Posted by Fen Raft Spider at 16:11

[JennyMorgan]

The sad thing is that this catalogue of double standards and funny handshakes is based on a harsh reality. Unfortunately the Authority is, by national standards, of insignificant importance, just not worth bothering about, and the 'executive' takes full advantage of that.

[Baitrunner]

Just to go back to the phone box  issue  I would ignore them  

honingham converted theirs to a book swap booth  see link  

sounds like a good way to keep those old character phone boxes and get some use out of them  

what will they do ask them to demolish it? Or simply take the sign away?

http://honinghampc.norfolkparishes.gov.uk/category/news/recentpics/