Timbo

Sorry, late to the discussion as usual. The term 'weir' in a historical context is different to the modern engineering context and may be leading to a bit of a misunderstanding. The modern interpretation is of a dam across a river to control the upstream water level. What we are talking about here is the historical meaning of a weir between the inner and outer broads being a series of fish traps. 'The Weirs' is a description of 'what it is'. The Weirs at South Walsham are mentioned in the Codex Diplomaticus Aevi Saxonici a collection of Anglo Saxon Charters (copy in the British Library). You can still see the original water course from the Acle road heading into the inner broad and plot its course out into the main river system.

Fun and games this morning when the alarm company rings Ellie to inform her of a break in at the store. Marvellous! Two days previously we'd had the thieves at home trying to break into the shed, failing and vandalizing my neighbours car when they left empty handed. The night before last Ellie rang me at 2 am to wake me up to tell me that I'd left a window open, I hadn't. Of course I couldn't get back to sleep and was beyond grumpy in the morning as a consequence. "Unless it's a booty call don't ring me in the early hours this time!" I'd instructed as I went to bed last night. So 3:30 am and my phone rings. "Hello?" I answer. "Don't get your hopes up...shops been broken into!" 3:40 I arrive at the store with Ellie having collected Jodie the assistant manageress on my way down. As I drive down the back street behind the store I notice a section of tree branch around four inches in diameter and three feet long lying in the road in front of a house that has had it's window smashed in. Driving round to the store and I was ready for the window smashed there too. What I was not ready for was the number of kids between twelve and fifteen years old out and about on bikes and scooters riding around the shopping centre car park at 3:40 am in the middle of a lock down. While the police are called I park up and take video footage of the kids all decked out in their balaclavas and hoodies. There's a strong whiff of expensive perfume wafting from them as they ride past. 4:04 am the kids suddenly melt away up various side streets as thirty seconds later the police car arrives. While the policewoman does the brave bit and checks the store her policeman partner tries to give the chat to Ellie and Jodie, but they are not remotely interested in being his audience as they are busy ringing head office, ringing glaziers to secure the store and preparing to make an inventory etc. "In my experience it will be a hammer they used." said PC Jap to the world at large. "Hammers usually have ash or beech handles not silver birch." I said going all Poirot on him and pointing to the bits of bark left in the holes. He mooches inside and plonks about gearing himself up. Meanwhile the policewoman has already conducted a thorough search of the building and is getting down to the paperwork. She looks at her colleague, who has now found his torch and deployed his baton, and gives him a 'look'. He stands looking bewildered for a moment before scrabbling under his vest to find his face mask and put it on. As a mere bystander I do the obvious and important and nip to McDonalds to fetch the girls cups of tea and breakfast before heading home. I've let Toby out for a constitutional, shared my double sausage and egg McMuffin with him and I'm now off back to bed!

Archaeologists spend a lot of time under canvas in the middle of nowhere...when there are no pubs, of course. Consequently there's a lot of sitting around, drinking, and playing board games to be done. Games with over six participants tend to get unwieldy and very long. You also end up with loads of bits missing, from the game and from each other as tempers flare. We usually ended up splitting into 'schools' for games of Uckers (RN version of Ludo no WAFU rules please) as more often than not 'Our Man in Wherever you happen to be in whatever far flung corner of the world' would be RN. We would also play 'Shut The Box' and plots of variants of domino. However, being beardy weirdy types, more often than not Runequest (A better version of Dungeons & Dragons) would be the game we would all fall back on. We never used rule books, figures, scenery or any of the accoutrements of geekdom. Your character was kept in your head, we all kept track of the various games we were playing with archaeologists around the world and an impromptu game would begin whenever we met up. All that was required was a set of dice, an imagination and a good story teller. My character? Big Les Wade the Barbarian. It's 9:34 am and already we are having fun and games. Yesterday's snow quickly melted in the overnight rain which then froze hard as temperatures dropped to below freezing before midnight. The result is the streets uphill turned into a luge. Toby decided to 'leg it' up the road at 3:45 am. In my attempt to stop him I went full length wearing nowt but my dressing gown. He made another attempt to escape at 8:30 am, this time even his four dog feet couldn't get a grip and he slid sideways off the pavement and into the road. Fortunately, I had him on the lead this time and managed to stop him sliding down the road. Unfortunately, I fell again this time landing slap on my backside. Ooh the pain! Back inside and I am now chuckling at the antics of the driver who has managed to get his car wedged sideways across the road after hitting six parked cars in the process. Thanks to Lincolnshire County Council the streets are now blocked with ice preventing any car that is not a 4x4 getting to the exit up hill and the young driver blocking the exit downhill. Time to try and take Toby for his morning jaunt in the woods. Now then, in my archaeology kit I'm fairly sure I have a pair of ice grippers for over my walking boots!

Firkling 2021 has got under way with a team engineering effort! Cars, I've been driving for thirty eight years and know knack all about engines. I'be been driving boats even longer and still know knack all about them. Tractors? Well, tractors I've been driving for over forty years and although I know knack all about their engines I can fit side plates and front and rear hydraulic linkages very quickly. Today I helped Daddy and Arlo, with some help from Toby finish putting together Arlo's JCB that he got for Christmas. Daddy had done most of the work already and was just in the final process of putting on the stickers. But something looked wrong with the bucket. A metal bar capped with two plastic ends protruded through the body of the JCB. The function seemed to be to stop the bucket flipping all the way back into the cab. While Daddy put on the stickers, Arlo checked to see if there was 'anything he could mend' underneath. Toby kept drawing my attention back to the bucket. I checked the instructions. They were as clear as mud. I took off my coat and started firkling. There seemed to be two lever controls either side of the bucket arms that should latch onto the bar. Assembling the pen last year gave me the solution. I used the bucket arms to press the plastic caps further onto the iron bar...and everything now works properly. Arlo soon got the hang of scooping things up and tipping them out onto the dog, who just sat there and let him! There followed a not so quick game of 'Don't Step In It!'. This game was one of Ellie's discoveries and involves moulding 'dog poo' from Play Doh and laying a trail along a plastic mat. Players take it in turns to don a blindfold, and removing their shoes and socks attempt to traverse a path along the mat, the number of steps and dog poo's dictated by spinning a dial, without stepping in the poo. Not for the squeamish but incredibly anarchic fun for toddlers, eight year olds and grandma's. The game ended when Toby contributed some 'sound and smell effects' to the proceedings. As it had started to snow we all adjourned to the garden to play in the snow and for Toby to start his own game of 'Don't Step In It'. Fortunately Timbo always carries plenty of 'baggies' in his pocket. Back indoors and after a hot cup of tea, I started planning with Daddy to look at a more permanent solution to providing electric power to my workshop and organizing a better solution to dust collection and control!

Thank you for all of the birthday wishes, did you all enjoy International Timbo Day? Boris (no relation) kept the country's celebrations muted this year, nothing to do with the pandemic but in deference for my advancing years. Timbo Day Eve was a quiet family celebration with our bubble minus the grandkids. Ellie made cocktails...which we all promptly watered down and I filed away her recipe for future use for removing stubborn spots of yacht varnish. Youngest son Matty was then easily cajoled into making mojitos...now Matty can mix a cocktail! The evening was punctuated by the sporadic bombardment of pyrotechnics. I got the feeling that people had pawned their watches to buy fireworks as displays started in the early evening. Gainsborough Trinity had the most spectacular. As the cocktails took effect Ellie broke out the 'quiz questions' she buys every Christmas. My ban on answering history questions, to my surprise, has been extended to questions on foreign cinema and French Literature. Timbo Day Eve was completed with an early birthday present from our eldest lad Mikey. He gave me a beautiful framed portrait of Starboard Side No1 Beagle Dylan. So, at 2 am in the morning the neighbours were woken up to the sound of me drilling a hole in the bedroom wall to hang the portrait. The 1st of January dawned grey and drizzly. Things brightened up when Ellie called me for the official opening of presents. People must think I'm getting old and wrinkly as well as smelly, as there was a lot of manly moisturizer mixed in with fragrances to add to my collection. As well as the new Armani Aqua Di Gio Profondo there was a wardrobe of Chanel Allure Homme. I took Toby for a mooch through the woods which were sombre before heading home to make a breakfast of bacon and eggs. Time for a shower and a pamper while Ellie got on with roasting lamb for dinner. International Timbo Day was renamed International Dim Dom Day when Gracie and Arlo arrived, Gracie still in her Hogwarts robes. "Open it now! Happy Dim Dom Day!" said little Arlo thrusting a birthday card under my nose. A fantastically restful and rejuvenating day with the family. A roast lamb dinner, Christmas pudding, followed by games with the kids and then watching cartoons on the TV. I woke up an hour or so later with little Arlo asleep cuddled up one side of me and Toby the beagle asleep on my feet. You know what? Life is good! I think I'll have some more! Happy New Year Everyone!

The Chairman's New Year's Message This last year has been a year of shocks and restrictions. There have been sad losses along the way, family members, friends, and members of the forum. Faces, voices, wisdom and kindness that we will dearly miss on the Broads in the years to come. Indeed this year has been one that most of us will be glad to see the back of. But before this year slinks off into infamy I would like to express my thanks to those that have put others before themselves to stop the wheels from falling off. The doctors, nurses and key workers all, from delivery drivers to shop workers, transportation to industry, everyone who has done their part. Nearer to home I would like to thank the members of the NBN for supporting the Broadland community, businesses and each other through this last year. Some of the things our members have been involved in have included Organizing the 'weekly ring round' and telephone isolated members and those members in poor health. Helping some members with doing the weekly shop and explaining online ordering. Checking boats and topping up electric posts. I'd like to thank Arthur for the chat room, the folks running and taking part in the quiz and providing much needed company. A big thank you to members who have taken the time to create and provide content from the history of the Broads to making models, regular posts of walks with photographs to keep us active and engaged. I've enjoyed them all, please keep them coming? I would like to thank Tom Waterfall from the Broads Authority for his hard work over the last year his efforts have really been appreciated! I would like to thank our sponsors for their continued support. At the beginning of the year we decided to look for ways we could help our sponsors in these difficult times. One of the ways we could help was to carry the sponsors advertising but send out zero invoices for this year. We are continuing to look at other ways in which we can support local Broads businesses over the coming year. A big thank you to Aunty Pat and Uncle Mike for running the forum store quickly and efficiently. They've kept the forum ticking over. I'd like to thank our treasurer Ian and secretary Polly for all of their hard work over the year and keeping our heads above water... and for putting up with my obscure phone calls and warped sense of humour. Last but definitely not least I'd like to thank our ever growing team of moderators across all of our platforms for their help and support. They do a very hard job and they do it very well indeed. We are already working on the changes required by the 'Online Harms' legislation to be introduced in 2021 and have been for the last year. The coming year will have its challenges but I'm confident that as an ever growing organization we can meet them. All that remains is to wish everyone a happy, safe and prosperous new year! Timbo

Just back from sTresco after doing the weekly shop. Stood waiting for a taxi to arrive outside the store was a couple with a trolley piled high with multiple packs of toilet roll and twelve large bags of cat litter. "It's not what you think!" said the woman when she saw me looking. "What you think he's thinking will not be what he's thinking and what he is thinking is probably ten times worse than what you think he's thinking or what he should be thinking and if he thinks what I think he's thinking he'd better think again!" said my better half. "Next slide please!" I replied.

Just gone into Tier 4 this side of the Trent. As a Newcastle supporter I can appreciate how Sunderland felt dropping from Tier 1 to 4 in such a short space of time. The better half has just been called into work on her day off to start mothballing the premises for closing tonight.

I don't so much have a bucket list as a toilet roll or two of a list. On the very first sheet on the bog roll are the following two items. Visit Rome for a lengthy stay As a classical archaeologist I've travelled most of the classical world and dug it up, but I've never been to Rome. I've never been to Italy. That said, if you were to ask me directions to somewhere in Rome I could probably take you there after spending years poring over maps of the city. I'd like to stay long enough to be able to pick up the language. New Years Day Concert New Year's Day is National Timbo Day. It's a special day where the nation celebrates Timbo being ushered into the world after his mother decided dancing on a table in the mess of a destroyer in Singapore harbour on New Year's Eve was 'a good thing'. For as long as I can remember I have watched and listened to the New Year's Day Concert from Vienna. This probably is the reason behind my love of Strauss family music. I've always wanted to attend the concert. Ellie keeps entering the draw for tickets, but so far we have not been chosen. She hasn't entered the draw this year. But one day.

Bearing in mind that turning my television on yesterday evening was only the second time its been used since it was installed two years ago, I'm at a loss when it comes to the type of crud and claptrap that passes for entertainment in the twenty first century. I can and can't understand people's frustrations with TV programming schedules, but the channels only serve up more of the programming that people are watching. The more you watch it, the more they serve up. I had to chuckle while I was holding a couple of video meetings the other week. The first was while I was firkling in my shed. I was chatting away to a former colleague about an archaeology project she wanted my opinion on. While we were chatting I was still firkling away on the Safari Bar I was making. "What sort of wood is that?" my colleague asked. "Spalted ash." "My husband wants to know what size plane you are using?" "A No 3 smoothing plane. Why?" I looked up at the screen on my phone to see my colleague, her husband and her father in law all watching what I was doing. Eventually we got back to the archaeology. Later I was talking to a relative while we were out and about with the grandkids and the dogs. "Are those WW2 bomb craters behind you?" asked my relative. "No, they are medieval plaster pits where they extracted gypsum. You can see the deeper pits and veins of good quality gypsum over there. If you look on this side you can see the remains of the ridge and furrow field system where the poorer quality gypsum was used as marl and scattered on the fields." "So where would they have planted the crops?" "On top of the ridge, the medieval ploughs would pile the soil into the middle as the plough passed up each side. If you look here, these ridges are still around two feet high. Bearing in mind, enclosure here was around 1715, three hundred years of erosion these ridges would have been even taller when in use." "What's that mound behind you?" "That's the remains of the Danish camp and a later Norman castle?" "Can we all tune in again tomorrow and explore the castle?" my relative chuckled. I've been pondering the creation of Timbo TV but I'm told it would be similar to 'Out Of Town' with Jack Hargreaves only with the 'may contain drug use and profanity' disclaimer attached!

have you been reading the label on your tin of pea soup?

Thanks everyone, I have to admit to feeling somewhat raw, a little numb and thankful for the hard work Dylan did over his life. Over these past couple of days I've come to realize how much I relied on him to get me through the basic tasks of daily life. From the dab of cold nose to get me out of bed to the constant nudges he would give with either his paw or his nose or physically shepherding me around the flat so that I did the tasks I was supposed to do in the correct order. Nose Dab = pay attention Paw scrape=pay close attention you forgot something Bark=something is wrong Push against Dad's legs=go this way Sit on Dad's feet=Don't move, finish the job you were doing. Dylan was so good at his job that I didn't realize he was doing it. My smoke alarms are suddenly doing over time as I turn showers on and forget what I was doing or I put the coffee pot on and forget it. Ellie keeps making me jump when she pops in as I no longer get the advanced warning she has left her house. So please bear in mind it will take me considerable time to get ready in a morning and get my brain, or what's left of it, in gear. Life goes on and Toby is finding things just as tough as I am. He's a very different character, more nervous than Dylan, shh, don't tell him, but he's nowhere near as bright. He's a dog of contradictions liking his solitude, right now he's taken himself back to bed and left me to my own devices, yet very needy. He will yap every time you stop stroking him or are not paying him attention. But we are learning to muddle through together. He is missing Dylan as much as I am. So what's been happening other than moping? Oh yes, some idiot in the pound store broke social distancing, reached over me and knocked my glasses off my face, breaking them. Nor was he wearing a mask and deliberately coughed into my face in the process. Unfortunately,for him, I was not in the right frame of mind. Some aspects of Christmas have been delayed this year. In normal circumstances Ellie donates high end shower gels, deodorant, body sprays, shampoos and fragrances to the old folks home and day centre that Uncle Albert attended. The staff usually put together Christmas Stockings for the residents and clients, especially those without family, so that they get a bit of luxury at Christmas. Due to Covid, these items are still in the boot of my car waiting to be delivered and go through the rigorous checks before they are allowed into the home. Still, they will make a welcome New Year's gift. Santa was very generous this year delivering tools, monogrammed workshop apron and plenty of wine and various bottles and jars to top up my collection of trucklements. Christmas dinner was with our family bubble and was very much Harry Potter themed. Gracie is Hogwarts mad so Ellie had decorated a 'proper' Hogwarts wood and leather school trunk, complete with Gracie's initials and house badge (Ravenclaw like me). Inside the trunk were official school robes, house scarf, a suitable cauldron for first years, leather-bound Hogwarts notebooks, quills, a potions game, an owl, chocolate golden snitch and enough chocolate frogs and Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans to feed an army of students for a whole term. Little Arlo was over the moon with his ice cream cart and was busily making ice creams with sauce and sprinkles for everyone, printing Play Doh money, charging us 'millions squids' per ice cream, chasing Toby round the garden and showing us all his new ride on JCB digger and his 'Big Boy Plaster' where they took blood samples at the oncology department on Christmas Eve. Christmas dinner looked like the 'Great Hall' at Hogwarts with Gracie still in her robes and scarf. The huge dinner and mounds of plates seemed to have been conjured by house elves and the house elves...well Daddy's dishwasher soon cleared the debris. Hugs and kisses all round before we headed back home. In the evening I relaxed with Toby Dog and watched 'The Longest Day'. Great film and a rare watch for me. Ellie is a fan of old films with actors long gone. I get forced to watch things like Rebecca...did you know there are 2367.5 knots in the wooden flooring in the living room? Ellie will look at me in horror when I proclaim James Mason to be a 'crap actor'. My interest in cinematic effects usually means my attentions wander towards the latest scifi blockbuster but I had caught up with all of the latest film releases way back in October. An early night, Ellie back at work on Boxing Day, today. To be honest, while she's been working today, I've spent the day in bed sleeping. A merry Christmas, what's left of it, to one and all and looking forward to a better New Year.

Final Beagle Watch Update. Sadly Dylan or Dylly passed around ten o clock yesterday (Tuesday) evening. We thought he had responded to treatment and the vet said we could bring him home at 6pm, however as his sedation wore off at home he was obviously in distress. Barking, and beagles don't normally bark, whining and pacing up and down in a repeat of the previous night, trying to eat anything edible and everything inedible, Dylan had a seizure at 7pm. He continued in some distress, barking whining and trying to tell me he was not feeling right. Eventually he jumped onto the bed and settled in the crook of my knee. This was his usual place to be comfortable. If I told Dylan to 'assume snuggle position' he would curl up here. No sooner had he curled up and started to sleep, he went into another seizure. Before we left for the vets, Toby licked and nuzzled at Dylan. Talk about knowing what's happening! At the vets and when he had been given the sedative, Dylan was once again the little pup who loved to cuddle and he curled up with his head in my lap as I sat on the floor. He closed his eyes and went to sleep. Dylan was a working dog. His job was to detect strokes and heart attacks in me. My little early waning system was always accurate and would give me three days prior warning of being unwell. If Dylan said I was going to be poorly, then poorly I would be. He was never wrong and was more accurate than any medical test devised by man. He saved my life on numerous occasions and more importantly was the focus of my day. No matter how ill I felt, or whether a stroke had wiped people from my mind I had a little bundle of fur that would prompt and remind me that I needed to be up and moving and that I had a purpose. He was loved and will be missed so very much. As I type Dylan's brother and litter mate Toby is by my feet. He's not had Dylan's training but since we arrived back at home he has been constantly by my side and keeps pushing his head into mine which was Dylan's signal that 'all is not well'. I will be fine, and Toby and I will muddle along together as best we can. Dylan at work!

Beagle Watch Update I pounded the streets with Dylan from just after 3 am until 7 am. Because Dylan would fit immediately he closed his eyes and went to sleep, if I kept him outside snuffling about he wasn't fitting. We popped indoors at 6 am to give him his meds and then back out on the streets. Nature called at 7 am...for me...and unfortunately, the moment Dylan laid down on the mat i the bathroom he went straight into a fit. This time I was past tired and summoned Ellie to help. The vet was called and by 8:15 we were pounding the streets in the village just outside of town waiting for the vet to open. Once inside the vet took Dylan while rummaged for my notes of fit times, medications given, video footage to time fit duration and symptoms. The outlook was not very good. Dylan has one last roll of the dice to see if we can get him out of his fitting cycle or as the vet put it 'you have to consider too much damage has been done and it's time to pull the plug'. It was decided that Dylan would get his chance and would be sedated to see if it brought him out of the cycle of fitting and to give a chance at some rest. By the time I had finished signing forms, Dylan was so absolutely exhausted and had fallen asleep at the feet of the vet. With social distancing rules and Dylan with the vet I couldn't ruffle Dylan's ears as I left. The vet contacted me at 1pm to let me know Dylan was fighting hard to stay with us. He's had two hours solid sleep, a big drink, a bigger pee and no fits so far. We will know more at 5pm. Everything is crossed.

All thoughts of woodworking have been binned as I am back on beagle watch again. Dylan started with his seizures again on Sunday. Three during Sunday night, so we were at the vets again 9:30 Monday morning. A consultation, an additional prescription and refill of his existing one and I was a hundred quid lighter. At 11:30 am Dylan had another seizure. He had another one at 6PM. Another at 9pm and I telephoned the vet who instructed I give Dylan an extra dose of his medication to settle him down. This hasn't worked although it was midnight until he had his next seizure. He had another at 2am and another just now at 3 am. In between each one Dylan is totally disorientated. He's walking into walls, trying to eat trees and bushes and just will not settle. When he lays down he goes straight into another seizure. 8 am can't get here soon enough for the vet to open for business!

If you are on substantial amounts of regular medication then all chemists (well all of the major ones including Boots and the CoOp) will deliver the meds to your door free of charge, Ian. If, like me, you are shielded simply telephone the chemist to arrange delivery. Most of them have a specific number for shielded patients. I've had my meds delivered for the past six years. If you have problems remembering to take your meds, remembering the correct dosages, getting the meds out of the packaging or you take the equivalent of a full tube of Smarties, like me, your GP can arrange to have your prescriptions put into dosette boxes by the pharmacy as well. Mine have the various tablets and injections laid out ready to take and I can easily spot if I've missed a dose or already taken it. My local pharmacy even ring to make sure I am at home before they deliver and make sure I'm covered in advance for things like Christmas and bank holidays. If I'm going down to the boat they supply me with meds and a smaller portable sharps bin to take with me and have an arrangement with a Broads based pharmacy that can supply my meds or take my full sharps bin if needed. Hope the information is useful?

In this episode... Lessons from Doug. Mrs Cockup escapes London ahead of Tier 4 and brings her friend Mrs Balzup, but Mr Thinkonyafeet and Miss Happyaccident team up with Miss Tinker to save the day...almost! Two important lessons I learned from Doug are: There is always the option of getting another piece of wood. There is always a solution, you just have to think of it! The presentation box had turned out better than I anticipated. I cut the figured walnut top and bottom and fitted them into the rebate. Although the design was more utility than aesthetic is looked...reasonable. Next step was to strengthen the mitre joints by adding splines on the corners. I cut some strips of maple on the table saw to the same thickness as the saw blade to make the splines. I then mounted the box into my spline jig. This jig holds a box at forty-five degrees to the table saw blade so slots can be cut in the corners to take the spline. Things were going well. I'd almost finished cutting all of the spline slots... The splines fitted exactly into the slots... Then on the very last slot to be cut, my concentration wavered, I put the box the wrong way round in the jig and... Disaster! If I tried to patch the bodge it would look terrible. I'm running very short on bits of 'fancy' timber. My usual supply has dried up and eBay, another source of exotics, was either too damned expensive, couldn't deliver in time or both. So I was loath to start all over again with more timber. A mate of mine was a bit amazed that I have tools and fittings stored in boxes made of exotic and figured lumber. These are just boxes that went wrong A rummage in my scraps bin and I found a piece of walnut that I could possibly use if I followed Doug's rules 1 ans 2. I dismantled the spline jig and cut the top off the box running the saw blade through the slots already cut. Clamping the box in my vice I cut a new rebate into the top edge. I didn't have a lot of room to play with, so I cut things as fine as I possibly could. After some clean up work with the chisels I set to squaring up and planing the walnut to fit. There was a dodgy section on one corner of the walnut, but when I had planed it down and chamfered the edge it turned into some very nice figure. All that was left for me to do was to fit the splines and glue the new lid section into place. And if I'm honest...I think the new lid looks better than the old design. I think. I hope.

"Good morning, sign here, there's an important message inside. I will wait." It's not one of the seemingly endless stream of Amazon deliveries arriving for Ellie, but the pharmacy with my medications prepacked into dosette boxes.. Since my medication review at the start of November, I've been feeling absolutely awful. My usual level of headache has gone from 'worst hangover you've ever had' to 'brain crawling out of skull' intensity. The tremors in my hands hands reached the point where people were starting to notice the coffee splashing out of my cup and I'd developed a case of dropsy. Worst of all, my bad temper had resurfaced. Local idiots realized I'd gone from 'you're an idiot' to 'pick a window you're leaving' levels of intolerance. I telephoned the doctor the previous day to report how crappy I was feeling. I opened the sealed packet of medication and took out the note. 'Please stop taking the previous batch of medicines immediately and return them to the pharmacy'. This was odd. Handing over my old meds to the driver I opened up the new ones. I couldn't see any difference, same colour and shape of tablet. I compared a box of meds I had inadvertently forgotten to hand over to the driver with the new but the dosages etc all seemed to be the same. With Ellie shouting through the window to remind me to take my meds...I took my evening meds and toddled off to bed. I woke up feeling...better. I'd slept for one thing. I took the gastro resistants and pottered around before taking the rest of the various pills, injections and potions. I gave Dylan his tablet. Had a shower, and took Ellie to work. "Your hands are not shaking." Ellie pointed out. "You're actually smiling, what gives?" She was right. My hands were not shaking, my headache had reduced to levels I was able to handle, my breathing was easier, I was feeling...relatively normal, normal for a Timbo anyway. Later after walking the hounds, I set to firkling in the shed. First job was to finish sanding the exterior of the Safari bar and mask it up ready to apply the glue and the leather. That done, I turned my attention to making a box to house the pens I had made for Ellie. A rummage in my lumber racks and I came up with a 15" length of iroko and a similar length of figured maple. I cut rebates into the iroko with the table saw to take a top and bottom of the figured maple. I then used my No 78 rebate plane to refine the rebates and remove any waste wood not removed by the table saw. I was feeling so 'well' that I would attempt something I had not done in a long while. Allegedly easiest method of making a box, whenever I try Mrs Cockup makes a visit, but I was going to have a go at mitre joints. I dropped my home made crosscut sled onto the table saw and used my digital angle gauge to crank the saw blade over to forty-five degrees. Now I tried to get my head around cutting the joints. Mrs Cockup knocked on the door a couple of times, but I didn't answer. Eventually, and with only a couple of millimetres to spare, I had enough material to cut the sides of the presentation box. Now for the glue-up and to see if I had everything right. I laid some masking tape onto the bench top sticky side up. I then laid the box pieces end to end and applied glue to the joints. Rolling the box up supported by the tape and...B me! It had worked! I had the odd gap, but nothing that couldn't be fixed with some glue and sawdust. Next step, the tops and the bottoms!

Spraying water onto a urethane finish won't make it cure faster, but it will crystalize the surface of the finish to give you a 'false cure'. The standard test for the cure to be complete is for the smell of the urethane to have gone. The crystalized surface will make the smell of the urethane seem to disappear as it is locked underneath but the cure has now been retarded and will take much much longer and in some cases never finishes depending on the thickness of the finish applied. Water is the thinner for urethane and if you spray water on the surface before it has cured you will also lose whatever sheen you were trying to achieve as the layers of finish blend and melt into each other. It's also why we don't use urethane on cabin sides as it doesn't play well with water. There is also a technique known as the 'finish finish'. Once the urethane has fully cured, thirty days or so, the surface is sprayed with water as a lubricant and then sanded using grits of 800 and above and finally buffed to give a mirror polish. This is something I picked up from an ex girlfriend who was a conservator and writing her masters dissertation on the subject.

In this episode...new management, a lesson in glassware and getting leathered! When it comes wallpapering or wrapping presents, Christmas or otherwise, my efforts are abysmal. The master wrapper upper is my better half Ellie. At this time of year Ellie will have spent several full days gift wrapping expensive perfumes in advance of the rush. So with new management allegedly 'in charge' its time to start the process of wrapping the safari bar in leather. The first thing that the new management did was to order the glasses for the bar. "You've made it the wrong size!" said management. "Nooooo. The bar is the right size. The glasses are incorrect." "These are gin glasses and they don't fit." said management. "No, that is not a gin glass. What you have there, is technically known as a 'bucket'." Eventually management conceded and moved on to cutting the leather. The 'leather' I had bought is what is known as 'reclaimed' leather. It looks like leather, it feels like leather, it smells like leather, it's made from reclaimed leather from tanneries, upholsterers and shoe makers. The leather scraps are treated with resin and shaped into sheets with a cotton fabric sandwiched between the pressed leather surface and suede backing. It's cheaper and more environmentally friendly than vinyl and is a fraction of the cost of new leather. I bought a 1.5 metre by 1.5 metre square of reclaimed leather for £12.50. Ellie first calculated that I had bought enough leather to wrap the outside of both halves of the bar and had enough left over to cover the inside of the backs of each 'box'. With the backs cut to size I was ushered out to my workshop for the next step while Ellie got on with making the various 'Christmas Pickles and Chutney' she pops into everyone's Christmas Hamper. I have to say that as I left for the shed the smell of hams baking and herbs and spices simmering was making me feel very hungry. Back in the safety of my shed I got on with the important part of the next stage in the process. I took some petroleum distillate from the shelf and applied it to some cotton wadding. A small piece of graphite was dropped into a tube passed through the wadding and held in place with a small spring and brass screw. With a finger and thumb I carefully extracted the doofah from behind my ear, sparked the new flint, lit the doofah from the ball of flame that erupted from my Zippo and had a smoke while I drank a coffee. Other than the leather, contact adhesive and the back panels which were to be covered with the leather I would need my trusty Stanley knife, masking tape and a leatherworkers wooden chisel wedge. The wedge is just a piece of hardwood which tapers down to a chisel shape at one end and is square and true at the other end. The ends of the chisel bevel are rounded and the top slope sanded flat and smooth. The wedge is used to flatten out the leather and to stretch it into all the corners once the glue has been applied. With contact adhesive sprayed onto the plywood back panels I put the panels off to one side to dry while I coated the back of both pieces of leather. While I was waiting for that to get dry to the touch I set about masking off areas of the box that I didn't want coating with glue when we covered the outside of the box. Next step, lay the leather onto the panels and smooth out with the wedge. It sticks immediately but with enough wiggle room to expel the air bubbles underneath with the wedge. With the panels inserted into the boxes, I screwed them into place and mixed up some epoxy filler to fill the countersunk holes flush and any gaps or blemishes on the outside of the boxes that would show under the leather applied to the outer surface. Putting everything on one side to cure...it was time to pick the grandkids up from school and nursery. It's starting to feel as though Christmas is one the way!

My usual route to Norfolk is the A1500 , nipping through Burton and a quick bagatelle around the cathedral to pick up the A15 the other side of Wragby Road and then the A17 and A47. The new Lincoln bypass would save me a bit of time if it were not for the fact that Ben Gunn lives in the village at one end of it and Watson lives in the village at the other end of it. This means that on any given journey to Norfolk, Ellie will have have me running errands or popping in for quick visits!

A telephone call. "The answer to the following question is 'YES'" says a voice on the other end of the line. "Forty Two" my usual reply. "Would you like to borrow a lathe?" "Yes! How big is it?" "Lathe sized." This, this is just one of the many examples of the friendship engendered by our forum. Now to get the lathe from Norfolk to Lincolnshire in a Tier 3 lockdown means waiting until after Christmas so in the meantime... Not much firkling done over the previous days as family health issues have had me more than a little worried and concerned. However, yesterday saw me get in some quality firkle time to take my mind off things. The safari bar/ gin palace has had the finish applied to the inside. I used Osmo as Ms. Maurice Mynah assures me that gin is a food group all of its own and as the bar would be used to store glasses as well as bottles I needed the surfaces to be food safe, wipe clean as well as pretty. So while I wait for the Osmo to fully cure I set to work making the second element of Ellie's Christmas present. The first element was the pen. The second element is another pen, but instead of ink this pen is filled with perfume which is applied to the pulse points via a nib like a marker pen. The various bits of tubing, o-rings, wick and nib unit of this item will need even more accurate turning than did the first pen. With my thinking cap on, I tried to come up with a means to get rid of the 'wobble' when turning things in my drill press. Here's the solution that I came up with. A 6mm coach bolt through a 6mm waxed hole in some maple hard wood, held in place with a machine vice clamped to the drill table. In tests, it worked brilliantly.When it came to the actual work piece I discovered that the bolt was not long enough to accommodate the wooden blanks and the required bushings. My local hardware stores didn't carry 6mm bolts long enough. ScrewFix had the longest, an eyed bolt 150mm in length but still not long enough. Thinking cap on again and I would have to 'turn' the two halves of the perfume pen seperately. To try and get the hole through the middle of the pen blank as central as possible I cut segments using a hole saw just as I did for Arlo's train engine. I then threaded the segments onto the inner brass barrels of the pen blank and glued everything up. The theory being I would have a round tube with the central hole uniform in all of the segments. So far so good. When everything was dry, I mounted the lower pen blank into the drill press and started to turn the pen. BANG! The whole assembly snagged and bits of pen blank and clamps shot all over the shed. Start again but this time I simply chucked the pen blank into the drill press. I'm using Vaughan as the drill press here. He has a bit more umph than Andrew! I regretted using maple and black walnut to make the pen as it took several hours to 'turn' the pen base using a mixture of bench chisels, files and various grits of sandpaper. As I got towards the final dimensions I noticed small cracks starting to appear in the maple. But as I now only had this set of tubing left, I soldiered on. I popped some gel super glue into the cracks and sanded everything down to the final dimensions using 360 and then 400 grit papers. I gave everything a buffing using some fine paste and a buffing wheel before moving on to making the lid. With the lid made, I was still in two minds as to whether the finished article would pass muster. But I had come this far so I might as well finish the project. So with some leather fixed to the inside of the jaws of my bench vice I assembled the rest of the perfume pen using the vice for the necessary pressure during assembly. First the wick is inserted into the lower section of the pen and the end cap seated. The joint that fixes the screwed cap to the base of the pen is fitted in both halves with the final cap and nib assembly fitted. Finally I give everything a final buff and the job is finished. The finished product is very tactile. You can't help but fiddle with the damned thing. Just the presentation box to make now. I do wish that I'd matched the materials on the two pens better but on the whole I'm quite pleased with the finished result.

Oi! I resemble that remark. That will be 2/6 please, plus VAT, import tax, window tax, carpet tacks and heart attacks to give a total of £1/19/11 3⁄4d and a piece of string. All checks and postal orders made to 'Lathes and Chisels for Chairman'. And Ta!

I have quite a collection of orbital sanders from the work on RT. I have a Bosch orbital, A DeWalt orbital, orbitals from Silverline, Aldi, Lidl, Screwfix and B&Q own brand and Black & Decker. Brother in law Watson prefers the DeWalt but I had come to the conclusion that they were all more or less the same in performance. The only reason I keep the Bosch in my workshop was that its rectangular dust port does not connect up to the dust extractors without a Heath Robinson/Apollo 13 attachment made of bits of guttering and seven rolls of Gaffa Tape. When the Bosch orbital stopped working and I reached for one of the alternatives on hand I finally noticed a difference. For taking off loose or old paint and varnish all of the sanders perform equally. But for smoothing a piece of fine woodwork the Bosch is an essential piece of kit. After using the DeWalt I noticed it was leaving tiny swirls on the surface of the drawer front I'd spent ages making. I swapped the sanding disc and the result was the same. I swapped sanders and they were all leaving surface marks on the wood. I decided to check the fuse on the Bosch. Nope. I checked I hadn't cut the cable by mistake. Nope. In the end I dismantled the Bosch but I couldn't see any loose wiring. It was at this point that I noticed the base of the Bosch spun like the other orbitals but the base sat on an elliptical cam. I cleaned all of the sawdust from the inside with a nylon bristled brush, blew the loose stuff out with the shop vac and put everything back together again. Plugged it in, turned it on and it worked. I fitted the sanding disc I had used on the DeWalt and sanded the drawer front. No marks or swirls. So, the best orbital sander for finishing work is the Bosch...and I need to clean it more often! Over morning coffee I received some news. A positive covid test in Gracie's bubble at school has meant that Gracie is now isolating for two weeks...and won't return to school until after Christmas. I shall wait to find out what implications this has to my weekly schedule. As I'm considered to be 'at risk', Ellie is talking about precautions which I have no doubt will mean that I will have to go into isolation too. With a working sander in operation, I set to sanding down the drawer front. Next job was to make some corbels for the lower section of the bottle keep. These I cut out roughly on the band saw and finished off using a sanding drum chucked into Vaughan the pillar drill! I glued these into place with a combination of wood glue and dabs of a gel superglue to hold them in place while the glue dried. Finally, I cut the backs for each half of the box from some 9mm ply. Again from B&Q but this time far better quality material. I cut the two backs over size and then crept up on the final dimensions using the table saw. Now it was time to disassemble the whole project for final hand sanding ready to apply the finish. First a coat of satin Osmo, followed by a second coat this time of gloss Osmo to give me a sheen without a full gloss. I then took everything into the house to as temperature in the shed was just above freezing and the varnish would not cure.

I have an alternative suggestion...Osmo. It's a hardening wax made from natural plant extracts. It's tough stuff formulated by the Germans or Scandinavians to be applied to wooden floors. However, it is food safe, water and stain resistant and very, very easy to apply with a square of vileda sponge or a sponge brush. It is a product used by the canal boating community for finishing interior wood on barges. It comes in a variety of finishes from satin to gloss. The first couple of coats dry very quickly to the touch, we are talking minutes here, and the next couple of coats take a little bit longer. A final period of 12 hours to cure fully before use. Dip a small piece of vileda washing up sponge in the Osmo and wipe is onto the finished wooden surface. When dry to touch apply the second coat. After the third coat rub down with some 400 grit sandpaper and apply a fourth coat. Let is cure over night. Job done. I use Osmo on all kinds of woodwork from chopping boards to the safari bar I'm currently firkling with. Danish Oil is one third white spirit, one third tung oil and one third spirit varnish. You can adjust the quantities to fit the object it's being applied to and where the final object will be used. For something that is going to get a lot of knocks etc I increase the amount of varnish. Again, just apply with a lint free cloth. It's not as tough as Osmo, takes longer to cure although it is cheaper than Osmo.