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Timbo

El Presidente
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Everything posted by Timbo

  1. "Would you throw away a book that was over a hundred years old?" asked Ben Gunn, my future father in law and the official boat's 'man with a shed'. "No!" I replied. "I thought you might say that, I've got something for you then!" said Ben Gunn. You see I am an avid collector of old books, particularly those related to history, maps or angling. I have a proud boast of a 'Complete Angler' by Isaac Walton but the majority of my collection is of no monetary value. However I find them fascinating, not just for their literary content but also for the pencilled contents of the marginalia, and the occasional document that is slipped between the covers of the book. The book that Ben Gunn passed across was 'The Book of Farm Management'. Pencilled in the front cover is a name I can't quite distinguish but looks to read Clifford d' Jean and the clearly written date of July 3rd 1885. To put the date in context Salisbury was the prime minister, Riel's second rebellion in Canada took place, British troops withstood an attack by the Mahdi and General Gordon was killed in the Sudan and professional football was legalized 17 days after the inscription in the book was written. The book also contains quite a significant section on field sports including angling. But what piqued my interest was two newspaper cuttings I found within the covers. Obviously retained for the 'scientific' research notes on farming and the price of stock fetched at market, but when you turn them over there is the story of "The Escaped Lunatic" in Lincoln. It's the language that appeals to me. Confronted with an escaped lunatic Mrs Ward calls her husband "whose peremptory notice to begone was heeded not!". There was also an interesting advert on the back of another clipping for the lease of a corn, cake and coal warehouse together with three maltings in a Norfolk Port Town. Just thought I would share my interest.
  2. This should go in the trivia thread but according to the Times this week: Scots have been enjoying curries for over 217 years with the earliest recorded advert for curry powder placed by an Edinburgh grocer and confectioner on July 5, 1798. John Caird, who imported fruit and spices from across the world, informed customers via the Edinburgh Evening Courant (see... currents in curry weird Scottish thing) that he had 'received a parcel of real India curry powder'.
  3. Last night of a hire was always spent the maximum distance away from the boat yard that I could to allow for the longest possible cruise back to the yard to get there on time to give the boat back. Once RT is back on the water it depend upon which crew members are on board. If Uncle Albert is not with us the last night is always spent in my favourite fishing spot, packing is done that afternoon apart from essentials, an early start the following morning and everything is put inside those vacuum bags for storage. back at the yard its out with the hoover and seal the vacuum bags, load the car and hoover the boat. If Uncle Albert is with us, the last night is spent in the yard as the cleaning and general buggering about can take hours and hours then just when you think it's finally time to leave Uncle Albert ensures you have to start all over again by breaking something, needing a cup of tea or something to eat.
  4. Timbo

    Nude Cruises

    It is at this point and in this thread I should make mention of my idea for a t-shirt design...for copyright reasons of course. You see I thought with all the snobbery that abounds in 'some' boating circles, not ours I hasten to add, I thought of a t-shirt image and slogan for the wooden boat community. A simple blue t-shirt embossed with the image of a salty old sea dog behind a traditional wooden ships wheel, his hands at 5 to 1 with the 12 o'clock spoke of the ships wheel obviously somewhat larger than the others...so you know when you are at 'midships' naturally. I thought a simple decorative slogan beneath the image of 'GOT WOOD?' would help other wooden boat enthusiasts identify each other. i wonder if it 'wood' catch on?
  5. OK, who's nicked my van?
  6. Uncle Albert used to make wine from the vast quantities of fruit and veg from his garden, nearby and not so nearby hedgerows. His wine was known locally among friends and family as Chateauneuf du Gnat. One particular year he decided to make Marrow Rum from the glut of marrows we had grown. Some forty Marrows were hoisted into the loft of the house, each one with the top sliced off and filled with sugar, then placed down one leg of a pair of tights before being hung from the rafters. They were then left there. As usual with Uncle Albert he forgot all about them...until sometime in February we heard explosions! Poking your head through the loft hatch you needed a strong stomach as the hanging marrow carcasses looked like the work of some deranged serial killer. Explosions seemed to come naturally to Uncle Albert. Decanting and testing one of his most nasty concoctions, Rhubarb and Raisin wine, with friends, he took a sip from his glass, shuddered and threw the contents on the fireback. The liquid swiftly combusted leaving Uncle Albert wearing black face and everyone and everything in the sitting room with a light dusting of soot. I laughed so hard I got into trouble. "See if you can make anything better then!" Uncle Albert roared. Now 11 year old me took this to mean I had permission to tinker. So while Mum and he were out the following day I nipped into Uncle Albert's library and borrowed his wine makers recipe book. Then out to the garden where I dug up several pounds of beetroot, boiled them, threw away the recipe book, added a packet of dried yeast, several pounds of sugar...dispensed with the long boring bit where it said you had to wait several days and strain it... before putting it in a demijohn. I just tipped the mixture into a demijohn and put the lot in the cupboard beside the fire. I put a lot of the books, magazines and button tins etc kept in the cupboard in front of my concoction then, imitating Uncle Albert. I forgot about it for about a year. A year later, rooting through the cupboard one night, Uncle Albert discovered my demijohn. 'Timothy!' I knew that roar, I was in trouble. I couldn't deny the concoction was mine as I had put a label on the demijohn which read 'Tims bootreet wine better than Dads'. Mum arrived to see what the fuss was about. "Better than mine is it? We shall see!" said Uncle Albert taking the stopper out of the demijohn and tried to pour out some of the liquid. A smell of the finest port wine wafted from the demijohn as a deep red, syrup like substance oozed into a glass. Mum, a port drinker, snatched the glass up before Uncle Albert could reach it. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "That bad eh?" smirked Uncle Albert. "No! No, try it!" It was like 40% proof port and my demijohn of red nectar lasted two years, drunk only on special occasions with a little water added to it. Never been able to duplicate it, no matter how often Uncle Albert got me to talk him through what I did.
  7. Food allergies...when did this gubbage start? I was stuck in a queue behind a couple in our local supermarket this morning. I would say the couple were in their late thirties, quite well to do and they were shopping for and discussing a forthcoming dinner party they were hosting. The poor husband looked sick to death of the constant questions about menu's, various peoples allergies and eating disorders. How he managed to put up with the woman I don't know, after ten minutes I was ready to throttle her. "It's so difficult with David's nut allergy. Of course Emma is gluten free, so is Claire by the way. Valerie and Steve are vegan, Paul is vegetarian, Anne is low carb. What shall we do, come on you are no use at all!" said the woman poking her husband in the chest. And then for some reason she turned to me. "What would you do dear?" she asked as her husband looked at me and mouthed 'sorry'. The invitation was too much of an opportunity. "I'm afraid I can't help you, you see my friends aren't pillocks!" I replied to guffaws from her husband and a 'hear hear' from the chap stood behind me in the queue. Sometimes I can't help myself!
  8. I'm amazed that you found a London West End Venue that had anything priced or even recognised cash under £20 as legal tender!
  9. Martin and Fiona's boat Malanka has a rather clever name for its tender Mini Mal...it took a few days for that one to sink in with me.
  10. If you see a statue of a horse on its back with its hooves in the air...its barbeque season and you are in the Tesco burger aisle!
  11. I've used a couple of MOB recovery devices 'in necessity' so to speak. By far the most effective system was the horseshoe with a line attached. It was compact enough for me to easily aim and throw it towards the MOB. I found I could steer it towards the MOB. When the MOB saw the 'big floaty thing' coming towards them they started to relax the panic a little. I was able to easily guide the MOB through the water to where I wanted them to be, to effect an easy rescue. As baitrunner has pointed out, I now need to invest in some strong and long boarding ladders.
  12. Turning out of the boatyard at Wayford onto the Ant, Jon waving 'bonne voyage' from the quay as we head down stream. Gliding through and above a countryside crammed with history, discovery and excitement. Wood water and diesel should be bottled as a fragrance, add a touch of coffee, demerera sugar and rum in homage to Maurice Mynah. The short staccato squeaks, pips and 'pliks' of water fowl and a fishing float hitting the water. People, most of all Broadland is about the people. The quiet patience of friends teaching, the gentle jibes and jokes over a beer or a coffee. Heated debate and gentle musings. And latest in a long and heady list of the glories of Norfolk...golden, spun sugar strands of gleaming varnish.
  13. The man is a good friend of mine ...but I have to 'like' him as well?
  14. The bagpipes or 'Porridge Guns' are not a Scottish invention but were in fact introduced to Britain by the Romans! Not so much Och aye the noo as O sic ad hoc momentum!
  15. Mel Blanc the voice of Bugs Bunny was allergic to carrots.
  16. I remember the last time we hired from a yard near a bridge. I had nipped ashore to make sure I had locked the car and I heard the guy attempting to hand over to my Mrs. It went something like this... "You guys have been here a long time! First through the gate but last to leave. Sorry about the wait to repair the boat, we had a rough night last night, works do. Have you been boating before?" "Yes years ago and on a smaller boat." "Great stuff, enjoy your holiday, bye!" And that was it! As for mistakes....I'm damned good at them! Mooring on the wrong bank at Ludham and 'scootering' my way with one foot on the bank and one on the boat as we couldn't get off the bank. Everytime we pay Clive a visit, do I end up doing a 360 in that flaming basin! I think it's RT's high canopy that catches the wind. Of course there are the successes. I was immensely proud of a stern on mooring I executed at Barton Turf staithe. Gently pushed the boat into the basin, hard over to starboard with a few revs. Cut back the revs, line her up and a gentle push in reverse. Walk down the deck picking up the ropes as I went and stepped off onto land, used my foot to ease RT into position. The 'I bet you've done that a time or two' from the holiday maker moored beside us was worth more welcome at the time than a young Catherine Zeta Jones asking if she could share the duvet! Its not just trouble makers that can run into problems afloat. We were rammed by forty foot of plastic 'driven' by a bloke who thought he was behind the wheel of his smart car. Still repairing the damage two years on! As for flags, Uncle Albert is desperate to fly a blue rag on the back...but I won't let him, even though he claims he's entitled to.Simple reason is that I associate a blue ensign flown from a craft meaning there is someone onboard or in control of the craft that 'knows' what they are doing. Uncle Albert may know the ins and outs of the cats wotsit but physically...he's in no state to offer any assistance. I've got boating 'qualifications'... sort of. A certificate for a sponsored row for ten year olds round the boating lake in Donny and I was a BCU instructor (now that wound Uncle Albert up when he took his one star BCU badge and I was his examiner). So Uncle Albert and I have reached a compromise. For the minute we will fly the red duster off the blunt end until Royal Tudor is finished and then we will swap it for the Tudor Ensign. Its Royal, its navy, its green to match her hull and it fits the boats name and will make folks wonder what its about when they see it.
  17. I just know I'm going to get modded but... You know when they artificially inseminate cows? Who actually, I mean who, who sorts out the bull? Is it a little bloke with big hands wearing a mac and a sowester? And why do you never see members of his profession on quiz shows? "Occupation?" "Professional Bull W....." Just always intrigued me...
  18. There's a large problem with the argument that the land is of no value to wildlife. On the 11th March a large wildlife organisation was involved in a debate on Radio 4's Costing the Earth condemning the eradication of green belt and the infilling of small 'green' areas with housing as they are extremely valuable staging areas for wildlife, particularly birds. The organisation supported their argument with extensive, up to the minute, scientific research which warned of the disastrous impact of infill and the removal of small 'green' areas along with the green belt on small mammals and birds. The large wildlife organisation was the RSPB.
  19. Thanks guys, I think I'm going for option one and start again from fresh Alan. Perhaps if I treat this as an opportunity rather than a set back I can benefit from it. I'm thinking about a new design and this time make the website mobile phone and tablet friendly as well as beef up the security.It's also that time of year when I need to get the computers serviced, replace the elastic bands and give the gerbils and hamsters a break from the wheel that powers them. So no time the present for a fresh start. Looking to the future, with Uncle Albert needing more of my time, I've scaled back on the animation work so we can spend more time on the boat. I'm also looking to invest in some new cameras for film footage while we are on the boat, so a new design to contain new content is the best way to go. Thanks Alan, perhaps I could pick your brains regarding any security issues on the new site when I start on it? There's a lot of Alan's around...as I'm an Allen too! Maurice...The Mogster...Mynah you know I bank with the Wroxham branch of Bogoff Brasick & Bonus Investment Bank and have a sum total of 3 rubles and a shirt button ever since Ray got us to invest in the Raygun 2000 Electric Soup Spoon!
  20. Royal Tudor's website has been hacked once again. I am getting really really sick of the mindless, moronic idiots who have no life and nothing better to do than hack a website about a boat on the Norfolk Broads. Here are the options I've been given by my host: There are three courses of action available: 1) Reset. We will delete all files/databases associated with the affected domain. Email will remain intact. You then re-create your website from new. This is the most secure option. 2) You Fix. We can enable access to your website from your IP address only so that you can remove the compromised code, backdoors and upgrade your web application to the latest version. 3) We fix. Let our experts de-hack and upgrade the web application with our Premium Disaster Recovery service on a no-fix no -fee basis. Order here:https://www.uk-cheapest.co.uk/clients/cart.php?gid=13 Please let us know how you would like to proceed. I have backed up my website but, I'm getting so very very tired of this happening.
  21. Yup soon be time to wet a line...even the lad has offered to help get RT ready for the fishing season!
  22. In the 1970s, Mattel sold a doll called "Growing Up Skipper." Her breasts grew when her arm was turned. This may explain my moobs...its all that reaching for stuff!
  23. I've tried to keep quiet on this topic but the gag slipped! I've had dealings with the RSPB on both a professional and personal basis on numerous occasions. On a professional basis I find them to be at best incompetent, ill-informed and cash orientated with little or no understanding of landscape archaeology or basic land management. On a personal level I have found them to be bullying, underhanded, greedy and on occasion downright aggressive with no care or concern for the environment. I wouldn't trust them to protect and maintain a two foot square of turf. It would die through neglect and then be sold for a housing development.
  24. Voted 'Boy Most Likely to Nail His Hand to the Bench' whilst at secondary school. In my thirties my three year old daughter rewrote the lyrics of Bob the Builder to 'Dad the Builder, Can he fix it no he can't'. Now over the last autumn and spring Obi Wan Doug k'brundallNavy has been teaching me some of the very basics of woodwork. As the sun was shining today, the other half was at work, and taking a break from Uncle Albert this afternoon I decided I would try out some of the skills Doug has taught me. First of all let me say 'titter ye not' I'm still bloody rubbish ar woodwork, however my first proper 'project' turned out far better than I anticipated! So here is the project. A very, very, simple wall mounted cabinet. First step, I made a rough design using SketchUp on the computer. I measured up the components, made a cut list and toddled off to B & Q. That was my first mistake. I'm so used to buying quality timber for the boat, and Doug running timber through the big sander until it is straight I was unprepared for the twisted pigs tails B & Q sell. Back at home I cut the components and drilled the pocket holes (this is fun) to join everything together. What an eyesore. The timber twisted in all directions and I was having trouble finding anything anywhere near straight. Still I soldiered on, growing ever more despondent. With the carcass now put together it looked a right dogs dinner. So a quick rethink and redesign and back down to B and Q to spend some more money, but this time I took a square with me to try and get some better timber to make a frame, top and a bottom. With straight timber, the fascia frame was cut and fastened both square and quickly. I cheated like hell by unscrewing my bottom shelf and popping the whole cabinet into the cross cut saw to level off the sides before putting the shelf back in and fixing the fascia. Time ran out on me and I had to finish making noise for the day. I still have to fit the back, the top and the shelf edges but it's the closest I've ever come to actually making something on my own from timber that is structurally sound and useful. As I say...try not to laugh,its a bit wonky...ish, but I'm chuffed to bits with it. I can't thank Doug enough for having the patience to drum some teaching into me. I thoroughly enjoyed making sawdust today!
  25. Timbo

    Nude Cruises

    Nude cruises? Is this something we can order by telephone for delivery to the mooring? Can we choose which model we get? Should there really be an 'e' in the Hoseasons brochure?
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