Night Owls Nook

[Timbo]

For all you Night Owls out there...its the Radio NBN Pfffone In Show!

There have been many occasions, usually through an inability to sleep, that I've ended up turning the radio on to listen to one of those late night phone in shows. Quite often while I've been at the boat on my own.

Your host from now until the wee hours Silent Simon Sloth.

At a certain point in the evening, the radio seems to deviate from sanity and normal transmission and the 'special people' come out to play. The host is normally some whispering, gravel throated 'has been'  Butlins Red Coat that's been elevated from euthanizing NHS patients on Hospital Radio to late night local radio.

Our special guest tonight is local councillor Gladys Dogthrottle of Yarmouth here to talk about the state of the bins but who's just finished knitting a selection of Beechams Pills through the ages from cat hair. Any questions for Gladys...the number coming up...

The guest is usually incredibly boring but halfway through the interview turns out to be completely insane. The last one I heard ran the local sewing machine shop...but in his spare time monitored space debris falling on Thetford which was being used by aliens as a staging post for invasion. Thetford?

...right after this!

The first track comes on...usually The Carpenters or some other 1970's dross designed to keep the listeners calm until the morphine or mogadon takes effect.

Right time for our first caller. Who's on line one?
I think these bins are rubbish get it get it?

The first few callers are your regular drunks just back from the boozer. But then...

Hello line two?
Oh Simon it's me your greatest fan Camille. Camille Toe of Horning, I've just made some cocoa and I'm snuggled up in...

...the 'special people' crawl out of the woodwork and onto the airwaves!

...bed wearing...
Yes Camille but do you have a question for Gladys?
Well yes, I'm knitting dolls of the Broads Authority Chief Executive using nasal hair, does Gladys have any tips?

Now quite recently I've noticed a number of NBN members using the forum in the wee small hours...Iain and Eric for example...and I was wondering...do you have any questions for Gladys? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[BroadScot]

4 minutes ago, Timbo said:

Now quite recently I've noticed a number of NBN members using the forum in the wee small hours...Iain and Eric for example...and I was wondering...do you have any questions for Gladys? 

Yes Tim, does she say good morning campers and Hi de hi !   I think the smell of yacht varnish on RT has gone to your head or, the lack of it !! 

Iain

[tjg1677]

Gladys, how can i cure my addiction for 4am 5 a side basket weaving?

I have also invented a handbrake for a commode, how do i patent it.

Thanks

Dr. R A  Fullastern

[riyadhcrew]

Good morning Tim. I'm here!!!!!!

[grendel]

awake - me- at this hour - you must be kidding. (but the bladder calls now I am awake)

anyway Jethro Tull complete discography lulling me to sleep in the background (cant sleep with no noise in the background, it keeps the tinnitus away.

 I have to be awake in just over 3 hours and fit to work, so just a fleeting visit.

[Timbo]

Have you been in an accident? Did the airbag go off in your focus, hit you in the face and print DROF on your forehead?

[grendel]

I am tempted to answer as I do the phone calls

"we hear you have been involved in an accident"

"how did you know? - how soon can you get the clean underwear to me"

usually gets them off the line

[grendel]

up and at them, good morning folks

[MauriceMynah]

5 hours ago, BroadScot said:

 I think the smell of yacht varnish on RT has gone to your head or, the lack of it !!

Iain, Hang your head in shame sir, that comment is not worthy of you.

I have met Tim and had several beers with him, and just in case anybody  is in any doubt, inspite of what Iain said Tim does have a head. Not necessarily a good one, I'll give you that, but he does have one.

[Timbo]

56 minutes ago, MauriceMynah said:

Not necessarily a good one, I'll give you that, but he does have one.

I'll have you know when a young, ever so camp, shop assistant announced to my other half Ellie that he was going 'platinum' grey every customer in the queue all turned to look at me.
"Charming!" I said.
"Oh you're a silver fox!" a young WPC told me fluffing my ego.
"More like a knackered badger" said Ellie bringing me crashing back to reality!

[BroadScot]

2 hours ago, MauriceMynah said:

Iain, Hang your head in shame sir, that comment is not worthy of you.

I have met Tim and had several beers with him, and just in case anybody  is in any doubt, inspite of what Iain said Tim does have a head. Not necessarily a good one, I'll give you that, but he does have one.

Now MM, you know full well I but jesteth, regarding our Timbo. Indeed, him n I have a pact, but we aint saying on here, what it is!  (That will get the natives typing)!!! 

Iain

[grendel]

Lulling myself to sleep tonight with a soothing selection from Iron Maiden, I may catch you later.

I sort of like the medieval sleep pattern, of early to bed then a short awake interval, followed by more sleep.

[Timbo]

30 minutes ago, grendel said:

Lulling myself to sleep tonight with a soothing selection from Iron Maiden, I may catch you later.

I sort of like the medieval sleep pattern, of early to bed then a short awake interval, followed by more sleep.

On tonight's Night Owl corner...

Simon Sloth here with news of tonights Night Owl Corner. Our guest tonight is Felicity Baumflaugh here to talk about her mail order bride business. In her spare time Felicity trains homing puffins and is currently the Norfolk County Extreme Ironing Champion. We'll have music from Leonard Cohen and the Martham Ladies Over Seventy Nude Madrigal Society. Something for all you Night Owls. So you questions for Felicity please...

[tjg1677]

What are you on Tim and please may I have some ?

Felicity,I want a homing pelican coz you can send it for a large order of fish n chips. Where can i get one?

 

[BroadScot]

35 minutes ago, Timbo said:

So you questions for Felicity please...

Never mind Felicity, what boat are the nuddy wimen on? A certain ex naval chap on here has a auxilery crew just made to join them !

Iain

[BroadScot]

1 minute ago, tjg1677 said:

What are you on Tim and please may I have some ?

Felicity,I want a homing pelican coz you can send it for a large order of fish n chips. Where can i get one?

 

They do sayTrev, that Bostick makes you go a bit do-ally with the fumes in confined spaces. Perhaps Tim is practicing before fitting a new cludge to RT !

Iain

[tjg1677]

Aaaaah i see, thanks for the info Iain. Think i will give it a miss though, bostick tastes disgusting.

[BroadScot]

1 minute ago, tjg1677 said:

Aaaaah i see, thanks for the info Iain. Think i will give it a miss though, bostick tastes disgusting.

Srry trv canny speek my lipsare stuckthegither !!!

[donnygeoff]

55 minutes ago, Timbo said:

Our guest tonight is Felicity Baumflaugh here to talk about her mail order bride business. In her spare time Felicity trains homing puffins and is currently the Norfolk County Extreme Ironing Champion.

Dear Felicity,

If I order a bride, can you guarantee that she will be trained by you so that she can iron my jeans and put a crease right down the middle.

ps... will she arrive by Puffin, or will I have to pick her up from the train station...

 

 

[Timbo]

...so that was the Martham Ladies Over Seventies Nude Madrigal Society singing their version of 'The Pushbike Song' to the tune of Hey Nonny Nonny Make Mine a Pint. I'd like to welcome our guest Felicity Bermfloguh...
I'm sorry Simon it's Baumflaugh pronounced Bumfluff
Yes Sorry Felicity Bumfluff who's started a mail order bride company from her garden shed in Thurne.

I dunno where the sense of humour comes from. It could be my mother's doing...she was slightly 'off the wall'. Some of it could be the strokes which do mean quite a bit of 

We have our first caller on line one, Brian? Brian Damage from Wroxham?
Oi ordered this woman. yow din' say anything about her coming in kit form. oi fare to be missing some parts not to mention thur instructions!

 

[BroadScot]

4 minutes ago, Timbo said:

We have our first caller on line one, Brian? Brian Damage from Wroxham?
Oi ordered this woman. yow din' say anything about her coming in kit form. oi fare to be missing some parts not to mention thur instructions!

 

Just show her your credentials Tim, then let her loose in Roys ! 

[Timbo]

It does mean my sleep patterns are all over the place and have been ever since. Oddly when I'm at home I tend to push and work myself until I keel over with exhaustion. When I'm on the boat however like Grendel I fall into a pattern of going to bed when it's dark and getting up with the sun...even when the sun sets in the middle of the afternoon.

We have messages from Yorkshire Felicity you are a popular lady. So pelicans Felicity...
Oh quite easy to capture they have specific crossing places just be sure its a pelican crossing we don't want to be trampled to death by stripey horse do we?

As to what I'm on at the minute...pure relief my boat is now going to be sorted out!

We have a caller on line three, Reg Toe? Any relation to Camille?
I'm her husband...I just wanted to say no mail order for me. I met my dearest on Yarmouth beach. She was feeding the seagulls. Breast feeding she was...
Thank you Reg time for some music The Martham ladies over Seventies Nude Madrigal Society with 'Oops up side your head' to the tune of Fol diddle in the springtime.

Well that and a nice Rioja. Of course being a complete idiot helps!

 

[tjg1677]

Madness, sheer madness - i love it! Do you do cabaret tim and can we book you for the spring meet?

[BroadScot]

9 minutes ago, Timbo said:

Well that and a nice Rioja. Of course being a complete idiot helps!

Ahha that's part of your problemTim, wrong red plonk laddie try a good quality Red like this one !!!

Iain

[riyadhcrew]

Tim - you are an angel in disguise. I'm on a bit of a downer at the moment and your little anecdotes are giving me a nice smile.