Letter Of Complaint

[Timbo]

I received a letter from my housing association the other day. Apparently this was a FINAL letter, telling me no improvements or maintenance would be made to my accommodation as despite multiple attempts to contact me or gain access to my property to conduct a 'stock condition survey' the housing association had not managed to gain access. Bearing in mind I'm home all day, and have not received a letter or a phone call or a visitor and that the housing association had only just fitted a new door, after two cancellations meaning I could not lock my door for a month, I decided to write back via email.

 

Dear Vikki,

 

I received a 'final' letter from you signed per procurationem regarding a stock condition survey. Your letter details several unsuccessful attempts to contact me and to access my home and I have to say I'm a little worried. I'm fine by the way, may have accidentally caught my tongue in my cheek, but I'm OK and in good humour. But I'm worried you are being kept at Acis Towers against your will and are having to smuggle out communications. The guards obviously intercepted your first letters for this to be your 'final'.

 

I'm assuming the surveyor managed to slip the guards at Acis Towers but was unable to make their way up the hill due to malnourishment after a long confinement? I say this as during the weeks it took, due to two cancellations, to fit a new door to my property, the property was unlocked and wide open to anyone wanting access.

 

I had a good scout round this morning and couldn't see any guard towers in ********** Avenue. Although the chap across the road is a member of UKIP, I couldn't see any machine gun nests or pill boxes. I do have a beagle, but he's not dangerous...well unless you accidentally swallow him and he gets stuck in your throat...he is a medical alert dog so he's more likely to alert your surveyor to a possible blood clot.

 

I'm hoping you manage to slip your manacles and get away from your guards long enough to read this message. The important thing in a hostage situation is not to give up hope. I know I'm disabled and can't dash to your rescue but on the bright side it does mean I am at home most of the time.

 

We ought to have a password, just so we know it's safe to talk and neither one of us is a guard in disguise. I know...'WINDOWS'. The password is 'WINDOWS' as in 'the windows at ** ******** Avenue and at **A ******** Avenue are old, brittle, sagging in their frames, full of condensation, have already been drilled to try and alleviate the problem but to no avail and need replacing urgently'.

 

If you do manage to get a message out of Mordor...I mean Acis Towers, try to either answer this email message or ring me on the number they have on file for me which is ***** ******. Try to stay strong and hopefully this will all be over by Christmas!

 

Fortunately Vikki had a good sense of humor too and I received the following reply six minutes later.

 

WINDOWS: Thank you for your response, I will pass your email onto the surveyor, who will arrange a time for his visit (if he can escape)!

 

Regards

Vikki

 

The surveyor made an appointment with me this morning.

 

[MauriceMynah]

Hmmm, I must try that approach when I'm next complaining to anybody. I like it and it seemed to work.

[FairTmiddlin]

Nice one Timbo

So eloquently put may I say

 

[jillR]

class

[Hockham Admiral]

Priceless!          

[addicted]

Well done Timbo, I have  too have found  a rant achieves little more than to give the other party a good excuse to ignore you and you problem whereas humour sems to be irresistible

regards

Carole

[Mowjo]

It's true Humour works! Judi is one of those people that flies off the handle, I always tell her to calm down because it's never usually the person she's speaking to's fault, but she always ends up slaming the phone down on them and sending a ranting E/Mail and nothing ever seems to get done, I step in with a humourous phone call or E/mail,  and they problem normally gets sorted out very quickly, 

[Polly]

I am not naming this company as they are usually top notch, but one current transaction is a classic! 

Parcel delivered to Kent for Grandson left in a puddle, contents damaged. 

I called for a replacement, operator has had ear bypass. 15 minutes of repeating everything three times. I want replacement delivered here and recalled item collected here, as my daughter is bringing item  from Kent.

No not in original packing, it was wet, NO not in original packing, NO NOT in original packing.......

No not Wednesday, no not Wednesday, NO not Wednesday, Thursday please, HERE not Kent OK? Thanks. Hang up and lie in darkened room. I have been patient and polite BTW

Replaced item delivered to same puddle in Kent Wednesday. Go figure!

I await collection here today, Thursday  of damaged item.  Not holding my breath.

[johnb]

Humour/shouting/jumping up and down? The only thing that seems to work with BT is give them more money! No-one would be interested or even alive if I outlined the problems we have had with them since June. If anyone has cloth ears appears to be a career ahead with BT.

With apologies for any member of this forum who works for them, I am sure you are most reasonable and receptive. It's a shame your colleagues are not the same.

[JennyMorgan]

Re BT I eventually left the letter writing to my local MP and even he couldn't make any headway! BT, grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

[jeffbroadslover]

Just tell them you are thinking of going to a competitor and see how quickly you get the response you want !!

Jeff

[grendel]

4 hours ago, Polly said:

. Hang up and lie in darkened room.

Are you a vampire?

 

3 hours ago, johnb said:

Humour/shouting/jumping up and down? The only thing that seems to work with BT is give them more money! No-one would be interested or even alive if I outlined the problems we have had with them since June. If anyone has cloth ears appears to be a career ahead with BT.

With apologies for any member of this forum who works for them, I am sure you are most reasonable and receptive. It's a shame your colleagues are not the same.

My daughter worked for BT, and left because at every call they got they were supposed to sell an additional service or feature, they were given bonuses if they sold more than usual, but also had targets and quotas of sales to meet, imagine little old granny phones in with a query, and leaves wondering why she has signed up to internet and tv, when she only has a phone and no computer, my daughter could not stand working there, she now works for the emergency 111 phone line and is much happier helping people.

[MauriceMynah]

I have to congratulate Grendel for getting the terms "BT" and "Helping people" in the same paragraph whilst outside the Jokes section. Well done that man.

[Polly]

Vampire? Well....... 

[grendel]

I presume that a glass of red then  

[Timbo]

The Story of Timbo and the Big Bad BT

Are we sitting comfortably? Then I'll begin.

A long time ago when the world was bigger as was the mobile phone, Timbo went to his bank in a city of dreaming spires.
"I say young fellow, thou art two thousands pounds overdrawn!" said the manager of the bank.
"Oh goodness me!" said Timbo filling his trousers.
"What are you going to do about it you smelly oik?" asked the Bank Manager.
"Listen here you Tw a...bcdefgh...i it! How did I get up the veritable bung hole for two and a half thousand spondoolics?" quoth Timbo
"Well the BT have taken two and a half thousand instead of two and a half hundred from thy account, all of a quandary we were till we didst spot thou wast faculty not a chinless time waster and knowst thou will work thy buttocks to a syllabub to repay thy debts...plus interest!"

So with great wrath Timbo emptied his deposit account to pay the vile money lender, and with much anger did he confront the wicked BT!

The wicked BT did make excuse after excuse and would not pay back the money they had stolen in goodly time.
"The system this way work does not!" said the BT, who had just been to see Star Wars Part IV on Ye Olde VHS.
"So what you are saying is that you are unable to pay your debt to me?" asked Timbo with a gleam in his eye for he had an idea.
"Indeed learning you are!" said BT, who'd really enjoyed Star Wars it must be said.
With much glee did Timbo turn off his dictaphone, well BT had really annoyed him. Quickly he fastened his fly and headed out to petition a court.

"Thou art kidding!" said the magistrate after making an order BT should pay back what they owe.
"I art bloody not!" said Timbo playing the recording of the BT saying they could not pay.
"Thou art a frolicsome young gent and I like the cut of your jib, besides the BT are a right set of illegitimate offspring. I will grant thy extra boon! But I warn you they will tie thee in knots at your audacity!"
Timbo paid the fee for the granting of his extra boon in cold hard cash and set off to London to find his fortune!

"Where do you think you are going?" asked the security guard at BT as Timbo walked into the building.
"You can't park that van out there!" continued the guard.
"Bring me the senior lick spittle hence declared Timbo, for I have here a court order declaring you owe me £2,500 plus interest. I am here to collect in cash otherwise I will remove company assets to the value of!"
The security guard looked horrified and telephoned for a lick spittle.

When the lick spittle arrived he was cut to the quick, and telephoned for bigger lick spittles to attend forthwith.
"You'd better tell them I have a winding up order here too!" Timbo did gloat wafting his extra boon at the lick spittle.
"Thy winding up order means nothing!" declared the most senior lick spittle.
"Right here, right now, it means everything gloated Timbo.

And that dear listeners is how Timbo not only got back his money...with interest and costs but also a very hefty payout as an apology from the ghastly BT...and another one from the bank. Since those far off days businesses have tightened their grip on their lick spittles and these days Timbo would not get his foot in the door of the court. Nor do banks any longer have the ability to prat about with your account...allegedly!

 

[JennyMorgan]

I feel a lot better now, I was only taken for four hundred.

[johnb]

On 12/1/2016 at 11:31 AM, jeffbroadslover said:

Just tell them you are thinking of going to a competitor and see how quickly you get the response you want !!

Jeff

Unfortunately we signed a 12 month contract with them before we discovered that their engineer didn't know how to attach a cable into the local box, that the office couldn't decide how long after the engineer didn't attach the cable how long it should it should be before the super-dooper box in our house should change colour and start to work, and then more engineers then more office wallahs, then phantom calls being made from our number despite us having no phone connected, They felt they could charge us for these despite not being able to identify the recipient. Then I discovered that  they had connected an house alarm that was here when we moved in but have never set and wasn't registered with any company. I disconnected this and the calls appear to have stopped however  we never discovered who  they they were going to. BT couldn't understand that I didn't want to pay for calls when they couldn't identify the recipient-just saying they were  service calls.

 

[addicted]

I'd have thought that with all that trouble and lack of fulfillment they were in breach of contract and you'd have the right to tear it up. What  a good job there is a choice out there these days, if I was forced to deal with these clowns I'd be a candidate for the funny farm in no time.

regards,

Carole

[johnb]

Carole, as I know about as much about the internet as BT appear to, my wife was originally dealing with this matter. Anyone who knows us will tell you that my wife is more knowledgeable, patient, kind and understanding than I. It was only last week she allowed me to use my "nice" approach. In the past she has emailed the CEO or whoever runs BT,  Had a "high level" person to approach to resolve the problems. I believe this high level person was probably the tea lady (nothing wrong with tea ladies) or even  in these modern days, the name given to the coffee machine. My wife doesn't read the forum but maybe one day she'll see my second paragraph  and I will l get my reward -an extra day on the boat  or I may be allowed to accompany her on a shopping trip!!!!

[unclemike]

2 minutes ago, johnb said:

I may be allowed to accompany her on a shopping trip!!!!

that is punishment, torture even

[johnb]

1 minute ago, chameleon said:

that is punishment, torture even

You're absolutely right, but I was still doing a bit of crawling along with the second sentence as she also enjoys the boat. If she can get me to the outside of a shop that's as far  as it goes, whilst she is in Lathams, I can walk for miles along the river!

[unclemike]

[quo vadis]

2 hours ago, johnb said:

Carole, as I know about as much about the internet as BT appear to, my wife was originally dealing with this matter. Anyone who knows us will tell you that my wife is more knowledgeable, patient, kind and understanding than I. It was only last week she allowed me to use my "nice" approach. In the past she has emailed the CEO or whoever runs BT,  Had a "high level" person to approach to resolve the problems. I believe this high level person was probably the tea lady (nothing wrong with tea ladies) or even  in these modern days, the name given to the coffee machine. My wife doesn't read the forum but maybe one day she'll see my second paragraph  and I will l get my reward -an extra day on the boat  or I may be allowed to accompany her on a shopping trip!!!!

Second paragraph?

[johnb]

Second sentence!!