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The Darwin Awards From My Mate Ron

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You've been waiting for them with baited breath, so without further ado,
here are the 2016 Darwin Awards:

In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve
his car keys.

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran",
accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection from
the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used
their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It
took rescue workers
using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead
at a hospital.

Fifth Place

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a
bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight
he had placed in his mouth to free his hands rammed into the base of his
skull as he hit the floor.

Fourth Place

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who
said he would not put a revolver loaded with only four bullets into his
mouth and pull the trigger.

Third Place

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a
man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop
was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.
Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a
few wild shots from a target pistol.
The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also
drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by
Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in
the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics
identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.


Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2
A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see
what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice that the window was


Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said
they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle
of traffic.
The conversation grew more excited, and at least 10 men trooped along the
walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the
bridge, they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who
had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's
cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and then tied
the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened
and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into
the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was


Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his constipated
elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs
and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief. Investigators
say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an
olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.
The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr Riesfeldt
to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued
to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of
those freak accidents that proves... '**** happens'
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