An NBN Christmas Carol

Timbo · December 23, 2019

Grendel Scroogeloder head modelrater sat all two-square on the botty by the flickery light of a candlopper, all scowlage on the facebole and grumpymost there. In a far corm of the NBN modelrater's orifice, shivery and cloudymost of the breathloder, Maxwellian Scratchit sat doing summage while around him readling postits were the modelrators all scribbly with a quill-pen in the gloomy.

“I suppole you expeckly day off tomorrole?” said Grendel Scroogeloder to the modelraters.
““Well it is Chrimbole Sir” says Maxwellian Scratchit, all mumbly and averty eye contacker.
““Chrimbole? Humbugly!” said Grendel Scroogeloder.

That evelyn, Grendel Scroogeloder trickly-how down the garbage path all fumbly for the house key, when the dorm-knocky transforl into a distorty fizzog. Grendel Scroogeloder rubbage of the eyebold all disbelievey.
“Humbugly!” he scrile and rushit inside.

Later, all sittage by the fireloder making modley of Pottley Higham Fridge from toenail clippage and ear waxage, Grendel Scroogeloder twitchy of the eardrobes at the clankage and rumbly of iron chains all draggit along the floor-boarms. A translucel apparishy appeared all moany and frightfole, wavey chains all rustly in a menacey manner.
“ Grendel Scroogeloder I am Jabsco Marlers all hauntage and warny about throo spectroles planning a visit afore mordy”
“Jabsco Marlers? But I saw your deceasy corpse all stuffit in the sarcophagole and ashey to ashey amen!” said Grendel Scroogeloder all quakey in the boots and widely eyebold.
“Indeel, but because of greedymost life and lack of compashy for the fellow human specie, I am condemned to trickly-how in the gloomage all chain-rattly and ‘wooOOooo’, instead of all restage on a celestibole cloudy . Folly folly.” said Jabsco Marlers waggit fingerlopper at Grendel Scroogeloder.
““Bah humbugly to Ghostloppers! Must have had too many tilty-elbows!” said Grendel Scroogeloder and falolloped up the stairloder and climbage into the four-posty bedlopper.

In the middly of the nightloder, anothy ghostlopper materialisey by the four-posty bedlopper and tappage on the noggin laid on the pillop.
“Grendel Scroogeloder. I am the spirry of Chrimbole passit!”
The spirry grabbed Grendel Scroogeloder by the handlopper and transporty over roof and housage, all pointy down at scenes of a young Grendel all smileage and chirpymost with hair on his noggin! At a Chrimbole party for the Viking Reinactole, youthfole Grendel Scroogeloder twirly on the dance florm, all wasp-waist and swivel-hippy and show a pretty girm his big chopper and moo walk. Deep joy!
“Grendel Scroogeloder!” said the apparishy. “Remembole being all chirpymost and back-slappy with joie-de-vivre and skiply step?”
“Folly folly! That was years ago before life all disappoil and miserabole and NBN peeploders postit argumenty with cabin feverly in winterage needy modelrating!” scrile Grendel Scroogeloder.
Whoosh! With much use of cheap speshy effectloppers Grendel Scroogeloder fallalloped back on four-posty bed all aquivile!

At half-past throo in the mordy, Grendel Scroogeloder awakey to a boomly voice all Brial Blessed and loud in the eardrobes there.
“Grendel Scroogeloder! I am the spirry of Chrimbole present. Falollow me!”

In an insty, Grendel Scroogeloder peery through the gloom and saw the insile of Maxwellian Scratchit's house. The furnishy all worn and creakymost and nothing like IKEA. Oh no! A familode all sitly round the table with knifely fork all ready for the Chrimbole feast.
“Oh folly folly” says Mrs Scractchit. “A measlymost meal for Chrimbold, with no Iceland prawnly-ringloder or Markly-Spencer classymost dineage. And tinily Timbo will be disappoil that Santy Cloppers has brought only a brokel dinky car with one wheeloder; no Nintender or X-Bocker. Oh folly indeel!”
Maxwellian Scratchit looks all lovey dovey at Mrs Scrtachit.
“But we all togethey, and Chrimbold is not about indulgey food or expensy toys. Oh no!Chrimbold is a celebrashy of the deep joy of friend and familode. Now fetch tinily Timbo and take the Potly Noodle from the microwaveley. Deep joy!”
Tinily Timbo clump into the room all wobbly on the walky stick all grinnage with not a tooth in his facebole there.
“Blessage, everybole!” sprayed Tinily Timbo.

Whoosh! Grendel Scroogeloder once agail transporty to the clammy bed sheets and lie there all shakey in the bones. So frightly of another ghostloder, he tried to avoil sleepage - he watched old episoles of QI and Toply Gearloppers on Dave, but eventuole, his eyebolds all closey.

Grendel Scroogeloder was awakely by a mustymost smell all sniff sniff in the nostrales, and a low, moanage sound like Fiona Brice radly news.
“Who are you apparishy? Announcely self! Are you the spirry of Chrimbole yet to happel?”
A sinistel figure nodly head in a spookilymost cowl and pointed with skeletal fingerdrobes and transported Grendel Scroogeloder to a churchyardy. A gravestole, all covery with snowl stood all depressy in the cemetale. All engravey on the gravestole there was 'Grendel Scroogeloder'!

Smoke then all whirly like NBN Chairman chain-smokely, and Grendel Scroogeloder was gazey at the Scratchit's empty room, with Tinily Timbo’s walkly stick all abandony there.
“Oh deepest folly! Poor Tinily Timbo! What miserybold git I’ve beel. Folly folly!” shouty Grendel Scroogeloder.

In the mordy, Scroogeloder awakely with droply sweat on the fore-noggin and with trepidashy, trickly-how to open the curtey. Outsile, snow had falolloped over streel and pavey, all brightly sparklage and cheerfole there. Snowflakers trickly-how onto treel and shrubby like diamols and glitter at an X-Factol final. Scroogeloder all dancely and skippety-hop with deep deep joy. Openy windole, he shouty at a small boyl all skiddy-skateage down the roam there.
“What is todale, boy?”
“Why it’s Chrimbold, Mr Scroogelopper!”
Grendel Scroogeloder threw down his creddy carm to the boyl.
“Trickly-how to Morrisoles and buy the giantymost Turkley, and delivery to Maxwellian Scratchit. The PIN is throo-seps-throo-fido.”
“Immedially Mr Scroogeloder!” said the boyl.
“And buyly self a MacDonal Sausy MacMuffer!”
“Ooh gratifole!”, and the boyl falolopped down the streel to the offy to buy bottle of voddy and twenty Bensoles.
Grendel Scroogeloder lean out of the windole and shouty to everybole.
“Merry Chrimbold! Deep, deep joy!”