LIMMERICK

[wombat nee blownup]

There are some wearing coats

who have sails on their boats

and there's others with engines and heaters.

Who is to choose the best way to cruise

when everyones willing to greet us.

There are Rangers, we need 'em

and "SLOW DOWN" at Reedham

but they're not the pains in the ****

Its the cry of "More water"

and the gap's getting shorter

it's the sailboat that wont let me pass!

They come like an arrow

leave a gap thats too narrow

and glare at you like you were s*

I dont wear a coat 'cos its warm on my boat

and i dont have to act like a tit

I know they're quite clever to handle their craft

but a thankyou would not go a miss

when you plough in the bank

to avoid the odd crank

the next 'll get a Glasgow kiss

"Give way to sail" i know is the term

when out on the broads for a trip

but when you're on wine

trying to keep a straight line

it's hard not to have one more sip

They tack to and fro

makes it harder to know

which side they want you to pass

but i have to smirk

when i look at the burk

"Which one's got the wet ****"

The rag and stick

they make me sick

they think they own the water

Theres a knowledge they possess

which i dont i guess

and maybe i really oughta

Its clever the way

they can sit there all day

and only get one hundred metre

but hats off to those

who sail they chose

for wind is cheaper per litre

Getting bored now and my finger 's hurting.

Come on poets one and all lets hear your ditties (rhymes with........................

[quo vadis]

very good

[loribear]

There are some wearing coats

who have sails on their boats

and there's others with engines and heaters.

Who is to choose the best way to cruise

when everyones willing to greet us.

There are Rangers, we need 'em

and "SLOW DOWN" at Reedham

but they're not the pains in the ****

Its the cry of "More water"

and the gap's getting shorter

it's the sailboat that wont let me pass!

They come like an arrow

leave a gap thats too narrow

and glare at you like you were s*

I dont wear a coat 'cos its warm on my boat

and i dont have to act like a tit

I know they're quite clever to handle their craft

but a thankyou would not go a miss

when you plough in the bank

to avoid the odd crank

the next 'll get a Glasgow kiss

"Give way to sail" i know is the term

when out on the broads for a trip

but when you're on wine

trying to keep a straight line

it's hard not to have one more sip

They tack to and fro

makes it harder to know

which side they want you to pass

but i have to smirk

when i look at the burk

"Which one's got the wet ****"

The rag and stick

they make me sick

they think they own the water

Theres a knowledge they possess

which i dont i guess

and maybe i really oughta

Its clever the way

they can sit there all day

and only get one hundred metre

but hats off to those

who sail they chose

for wind is cheaper per litre

Getting bored now and my finger 's hurting.

Come on poets one and all lets hear your ditties (rhymes with........................ [/quot

hi wombat here's my little bit to add to it,

Even though a yacht's a pain

there's no limit of speed

so the law can't give em tickets

whereas cruisers must heed

or we all get a warning

so now who are the thickets.

lori

[diesel falcon]

Wombat you mus t be bored!! ok then here,s one for you.....

Sailing the boat of silver light,

The moon-beauty is fast approaching me.

The sky is vibrating with sweet and melodious songs.

The birds are flying beyond the horizon

To an unknown land.

All my hopes are flying without any destination.

Slowly my life's evening sets in.

the last line must strike a cord after that lot!!

[wombat nee blownup]

very clever mr. Trevor you naughty boy

it's limmericks i'm after

not poems by Sri Chimnoy

[diesel falcon]

We went sailing with our good friend, Dick,

Though his boat isn’t nimble or quick,

She is classy as heck,

Lovely lines, great big deck,

And a schooner! (Yep, more than one stick.)

[wombat nee blownup]

Your friend with the schooner called Dick

had better come see you real quick

with your heads on the table

you'll have to be able

to fix Leg and Chew with a stick

[diesel falcon]

There once was a cruise ship in Hoonah

Whose passengers hated canned tuna

“If we wanted such fare,

“We’d go over there

“And sail with the folks on that schoona’!â€

[diesel falcon]

The crew here is very well fed

We’re feasting on Barb’s homemade bread

And the bear known as Scuppers

Who joins us for suppers

Says this chow surpasses Club Med

[diesel falcon]

one windy night up in reedham,

a man got in trouble

he wasn,t from clevedon

he stepped off his boat

and found he didn,t float

and was resued by a bloke who wasn,t a ******

and was amused by the limmerick he wrote!

[Guest]

Very good all.

Challenge: now try a haiku.

[diesel falcon]

oh !! or how about a Lune!! i looked it up!

[diesel falcon]

Madness relaxes.

Tightly giggling, warm hairs bite.

Urgency whispers.

[wombat nee blownup]

Quo and boat buddy Falcon

got to Reedham one night on a cruise

with them was Jiffy and Shannen and Malcom

and others along for the booze.

The Newcastle Brown

took poor old Quo down

when Jiffy heard a splash

Quo had gone under

where is he they wonder

but Malcom was there in a flash.

They all raced to the scene

where Quo Vadis had been

but no one could see him at all

they felt in the water

for an hour and a quarter

but Bob didn't answer their call.

Then under the dive deck

they scruffed hold of his neck

and pulled him onto the boat

his phones and his fags

were all wet in his rags

for they were in his coat.

With his mouth full of fish

and wanting a pish

he soon came round, but was sore

he aked for a match and a pan for his catch

and said i aint drinking no more.

(Please read a few seconds for hour and a quarter)

and to this day he hasnt had a drink till half past

[quo vadis]

very good

[diesel falcon]

Coughs....i wern,t there!!

[wombat nee blownup]

Poetic license old chum

(God, bet Wordsworth or Byron or Keates never had this trouble)

[diesel falcon]

Twas a windy day at st olaves one day

when a man took his boat out to make some hay

left and left they made there way

out of the mariner they were on there way!

The river Waveny was running that day

out of the broads in its organized way

The boat started it,s journey all was gay

then all of a sudden it lost it,s way

A shout went forth as in a dream

The boat just stopped bloody midstream

the man,s good wife let out a scream

With the wind and the tide they were on the lean

They reved and reved but to no avail

the tide had grabbed them by the tail

Down down they went gathering pace

good god man you do look pale!

I n the distance they could see

thier worst nightmare ...it wasn,t a tree

The man didn,t get time for a wee

he had to deal with his canopy

My hair my hair the wife did yell

but the canopy was down and all was well

but all of a sudden the man did yell

My bowsprints hit the bridge...and you could tell

Bang crash the pots and pans did go

Around the cabin they kept low

his rubbing strake kept them on the go ,

at last they came to rest ,there rope s stemming the flow.

The boat was recovered ,even though it was a bit iffy,

You guessed it ,it was our Jiffy

right and right they did go

straight into the reads wouldn,t you know

[quo vadis]

very good Derek

[wombat nee blownup]

You're getting the hang of it now Denzel Fallout

[wombat nee blownup]

There's a Falcon out there

in need of repair

with its engine all apart

There's springs and nuts

and fingers with cuts

I wonder will it ever re start?

It now lives on the table

each piece with a label

so Sue can remember the way

that trevor can re build

the engine he killed

then she'll do it properly one day

When it comes to re fitting

in the car she'll be sitting

with a shifter already to hand

it's not for the motor

but the head of the boater

who captains a tub called Le Grand

She'll sit there all night

till the bloody things right

cos she's due a night tied to a bank

its not very funny

when you've spent all your money

on something thats not worth a w*^k

But Sue has been clever

and told her poor Trevor

she cancelled his conjugal rites

if that boat's not done

it wont be just one

but a lot of long lonely nights

So trying to appease her

out came the Visa

and parts were ordered on line

thats all i can do Trev said to his Sue

now can i forego my fine

She said now then chum

you're under my thumb

with a mind really quite cunning

if that boat doesn't go

by the weekend we'll know

which one of us does all the running

Trevor went on to sneer

as he supped on his beer

there's something i wanted to say

you can keep the bed

and the videos he said

because i have turned F*^*!*G GAY

[Jupes]

Ooooh trev

[quo vadis]

Come on lets have a few more attempts from people (not rodents)

[diesel falcon]

Gay!!! you,ve upset half the woemen on the broads now!!

[wombat nee blownup]

Yes but thank goodness the other half are straight