LIMMERICK

[loribear]

my are'nt we having some fun tonight, i'm still wetting myself with laughter, you're such a talented lot.i loved em all.

[Palmtree]

I think I must have lost the plot and gone to Lidl instead of my usual supermarket.

Ian

[quo vadis]

Which is what Aldi ?

[wombat nee blownup]

So then, Trevors been "outed"

well i never doubted

his demeanor wasn't quite right

it wasn't his talking

but his way of walking

in high heels most every night.

He stopped wearing shirts

and started with skirts

but oh! it didn't stop there

he bought bras and panties

and sang funny sea shanties

about sailors with lovely long hair.

I feel sorry for Sue

his wife fairly new

she didn't bargain for this

for when they were out

she'd hear Trevor shout

which one do i go in to p*ss

Then there's the make up

for this they could break up

'cos Trevor keeps using Sue s lippy

he'd put on his face

get his wig from a case

then resemble a tired old hippy

To me this is fine

but i must draw the line

he keeps calling me "Precious or Honey"

I dont mind a bit

but he keeps feeling my tit

or perhaps he's just after my money.

He looks pretty scary

with armpits so hairy

and a bra stuffed full of old socks

but he's happy today

for he's saved up to pay

for implants just like old Sam Fox.

with any luck his nip and tuck

might not be so costly i'm sure

but with lashes and nails

and diamonte handrails

he'll be the queen of the Broads and the Bure.

I'll keep you updated

about how we rated

his op for his new mammory glands

it seems very funny

why he'll spend so much money

on something to do with his hands.

[quo vadis]

The best Yet

[diesel falcon]

The best Yet

?!

[quo vadis]

Come on Wombat, lets have the results of the op. He's making out he had to work over the weekend something about a crank

[wombat nee blownup]

Yesterday upon the stair

I met a man who wasn't there

He wasn't there again today

Oh! how i wish he'd go away

When i came home last night at three

The man was waiting there for me

But when i looked around the hall

I couldn't see him there at all!

Go away, go away,don't you come back any more!

Go away, go away, and please don't slam the door!

Last night i saw upon the stair

A little man who wasn't there

He wasn't there again today!

Oh! i wish he'd go away.

W.H.Mearns

[diesel falcon]

you ve lost it alltogether!!

[diesel falcon]

Tonight I saw a man in a chair,

he had slightly greying hair

he was woffling about a man on his stair

he was there but...where?

Another chap was watching the brief

From a large round building...he had no teeth

which made it very difficult to eat his beef

but he did like smoking...gold leaf

The man in the chair was there...

because his boat was broke ..he had time to groom his hair

A bard he professed to be,sadly not as you can see

He borrowed the last one ,did he have time for a pee??

The watching man was egging him on

to produce some drivel by the ton

about another man who,s time was short to produce his pun

But he was too busy moving a crank,he prayed to a nun,

3 of 5 greenhorns are getting behind with the clock

no boating for them one,s in dry dock,

the watching man he can see,furious work from jiffy!

The man in the chair can only swear...

Where is my Dougy to fix his, where???

anon

[quo vadis]

What?

[wombat nee blownup]

????

[Guest]

Does anybody else feel that the're on a different planet when visting this thread ...... or is it just me that hasn't got a clue what's goin on?

[quo vadis]

A humorous poem: For your pleasure only.

Only the English could have invented this language.

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,

But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,

Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,

Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,

And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,

Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,

And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,

But though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,

But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;

neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England.

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,

We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,

And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,

Grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends

And get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English

Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.

We have noses that run and feet that smell.

We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.

And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,

While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language

In which your house can burn up as it burns down,

In which you fill in a form by filling it out,

And in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?

And if people from Poland are called Poles

Then people from Holland should be Holes

And the Germans, Germs.

And let's not forget the Americans, who changed s to z, but that's another story.

anon

[wombat nee blownup]

Does anybody else feel that the're on a different planet when visting this thread ...... or is it just me that hasn't got a clue what's goin on?

You're quite right Smelly

still its better than telly

think of it as the twilight zone

where yellow is blue

and normallity is gone

[diesel falcon]

Does anybody else feel that the're on a different planet when visting this thread ...... or is it just me that hasn't got a clue what's goin on?

Smelly...most of it is about people or incidents from boating,

There once was a man with an avatar as a groin,

his toilet dosn,t work with a coin,

his posts are like the battle of boyne,

this club he dosn,t want to join!

some people call him a nelly

but we prefere good old smelly

[wombat nee blownup]

Does anybody else feel that the're on a different planet when visting this thread ...... or is it just me that hasn't got a clue what's goin on?

Ah! Smellyloo, we've got you too!

so things aren't as they appear

It's for things that aren't themselves you see

we think its very clear!

We've come to get you Mr. Smellyloo

From our home thats so far away

We travel at night

because we cannot catch sight

of our planet during the day!

Put your hand in your pocket

buy a ticket for our rocket

We're going home quite soon

No boats and cars on planet Mars

but plenty on the Moon

We've read your mind

You're one of our kind

We need people with your ability

to start a forum

with a little decorum

around the Sea of Tranquility

Would you prefer that we defer

your trip with us to the Moon

You could hop off at Venus

and show them your boat

there'll be another ship along soon

You could be our chief scout

sort the galaxies out

and see which would entertain us

but if your not clever

you'll end up with Trevor

He'd like to visit Uranus

So next time you choose

a signature to use

make sure it's not misleading!

Our eyesight can zoom

into your smallest room

and watch while you sit there reading!!!!

[Guest]

Hello diesal wombat et al......

I think I probably am beginning to understand what it is I am struggling not to grasp.

Thank you for en lighting me and for the limmericks ..... but take care ..... the Rat will go green.

Sorry I can't reply in limmerick but I havn't got my rhymy head on today. (insert smily with dunces hat on)