Another Ditty From My Mate Ron

[ranworthbreeze]

Here are some observations from my mate Ron in the USA

Astute Observations



·       I don't do drugs. I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.

 

·       I don't like political jokes. I've seen too many get elected.

 

·       The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

 

·       If life deals you lemons, make lemonade. If life deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.

 

·       Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.

 

·       Every day I beat my previous record of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

 

·       No one ever says, "It's only a game!" when their team's winning.

 

·       Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

 

·       Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool?

 

·       Marriage changes passion; suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

 

·       Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

 

·       Snowmen fall from Heaven un-assembled.

 

·       Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

 

·       I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't need the class!

 

·       Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

 

·       Wouldn't you know it! Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

 

·       Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?