Malanka

Didn’t anyone on this thread have a catapult. Both my brother and I did. My dad supplied the ball bearings too. Evil little things, and deadly with practice. just sayin. More tea Vicar?

You bad man ..lol

How about this for a relaxing summer evening at the waterside Inn.

Here you go Ray. We have to put up with this everyday when the sun shines, just can't get away from the damn things, they're everywhere. Its tuff but somones got to do it...

He he John, is that fence post comfortable ?...LOL I like large moorings because the atmosphere at barbeque time can be very good. I like small bijou moorings becuase they can be quiet and intimate. I don't like inconsiderately moored very large or even not that large boats with fishing tackle off either end of the boat deliberately taking up the space other boats could moor in if they just moved up a bit. Apart from that little gripe everything is peachy. M

He he

Yes yes a beauty contest to decide the amount of the toll, and an owners beauty contest to determine if you can actually drive said tolled boat... Excellent, oh wait, hold on a minute..... err on second thoughts perhaps not... He he for the benefit of those with no SOH, that's satire. M

Noooo currently in Thöreshaus, Canton of Bern, Switzerland looking at the mountains and smelling like cow poo. Oh the mountains. Did I mention, the Eiger, the Jungfrau, Finsteraarhorn (down which all our water flows) via the Aare. Glacial melt water is blue by the way, it doesn't look green at all. Most peculiar first time you see it. I will get Fiona to post a picture for you. You have the broads I have the Alps. M

In the US they call merging lanes the zipper merge, in Germany most autobahn "on" ramps have such a system, they also always have crossing at the off which doesnt happen on UK motorways. By crossing I mean on and off the road via the same set of two lanes which means cars on, and cars off, have to cross each others paths. Bearing in mind you could be merging with a de-restricted autobahn where the car coming down the road could be doing 140 mph or even more. You're supposed to not pass merging lanes in the right lane at such speed but some do. I used to use the A81 near Bonn every day for years and every day spent at least 70 or 80 km of the 91 km journey well above 160 kph. Was quite fun passing the fuzz as they stuck to the recommended 130kph. I have spent many hours cruising through Germany very safely at well over 160 kph (100mph). It's not until you stop you realise how hard you were concentrating (I hope), looking ahead and not driving off the front edge of the bonnet is an essential skill I unfortunately don't see that much of especially on the A12 in Essex. Serious question, do they have rear view mirrors in cars on the A12? OK off for another lie down now.... Cow smell has gone as I can't smell it anymore, or I have turned into a cow.

Yes Ken was not a happy bunny when the new sit down and take out chippy opened right opposite to him. I used to go in when that new place was a cafe but not since it's the chippy it now is. They use polystyrene trays not paper so a downer for me that is. The old place used to do a stunning plate pie, was gorgeous. I love plate pie cos I'm northern you see. Plate pie and buttered muffin.... tell me to stop I'm salivating...... OMG it's torture can't get pie of of my head now, I'm going for a lie down. M

Thanks Guys I'm not totally bonkers as the lady from Coventry is leased, and the new Lexus is also leased. Having said that did I mention we need new cabin tops and electrics for the top of Malanka at the end of the season. No sun kissed beaches in the Maldives this spring. I daren't tot up using invoices, spreadsheets or anything else. We have a simple criterion, if we can currently afford it we do it. Our family motto through premature deaths and near death experiences is simple. LIFE IS TOO SHORT Live it to the fullest. M

The Chip Inn in Long Stratton, another beef dripping establishment. Yes I know it's not on the boards but its a part of our journey when we use the Harwich ferry or get an early train. (shuts at 21:30 so get there early)

Forgive me for being impertinent however there is an assumption in the original premise of the statement about private moorings and private boats which is simply not the case. There are no hirers who pay as much into the local economy as someone who rents a mooring, services and upgrades their boat reasonably regularly, and then occasionally spends eye watering sums for restoration or repair, or in fact to buy a boat in the first place. That money goes somehwere! After all it doesn't evaporate. All this private spending is very likely, mostly (an assumption pls use discretion) money which is brought in from outside the local area and then spent in the local environment/economy providing jobs and income for many people. In my particular case foreign money from a completely different country and I am not alone either, there are quite a few non uk resident owners.. There used to be many more hire boats and so many more people employed in the hiring industry with many more boat yard moorings but that era has gone, it's dead and buried. It died because folks lost money and some didn't close up shop early enough and lost their everything as well. We should accept that hire yards are service providers, the service they provide is the ability to visit the lovely Broads, cruise up and down and get hooked as we all did once, without having to own their own boat. Their entire infrastructure as it's being refered to is entirely in their interests and collectively theirs alone. They are not altruistic 19th century entrepreneurs like Cadbury or Salt, ask Richos or one of the other survivors, they don't waste money. The bean counters who now heavily influence much of UK business (sorry if you're an accountant) are hard headed business men and women who do not spend penny one unless it makes sound business sense. They are risk averse, bottom line focussed and absolutely do not build infrastructure for the benefit of anyone except their business. Those that did are long gone and no longer a business. Richardsons do not invest 250,000 plus on an RC45 unless the Return On Investment makes sense to the bank man who provides the investment opportunity to the business. I think a few have forgotten what the broads used to be like in the late 60's and through to the 1970's. It may indeed have been a golden era of hiring with 3000 / 5000 plus boats of many shapes and sizes however. Few Herons such that a sighting was a rare thing, few kingfishers, filthy stinking water and straight through toilets. A pootle up the Ant behind a 15 to 20 strong train of boats was not unusual. I viscerally remember cruising to almost darkness trying to find somewhere to stop and that's how my fondness for mudweighting originated. I don't recognise this longed for past as any sort of golden era. We, today have issues but nothing like the huge environmental considerations of only a few decades ago. We have fantastic boats available for hire with amazing facilities from four or five very innovative suppliers (yes gosh times change go figure that). We have the improved facilities in Salhouse and I remember the outcry at the cost of mooring increase. I am a half full kind of guy and fail to see the relevance of the number, location or use level of private boats being an issue for anyone other than the providers of their mooring and the owners themselves. Speaking personally we intend to visit in July for two weeks and August for only one week as August is busy with UK families and we can visit when they can't in July and so we do. We have already spent a lovely Easter break floating as well. So I'm afraid I simply don't see the issue some obviously have with private boats. I hired for 35 years and could only afford a boat once a year or in one year twice, and always used Martham boats before I bought our old lady. In the last eight years we as a family have spent at least three, sometimes four weeks afloat every single year, and once, whilst between opportunities...... A continuous 79 days (was bliss) floating. Our contribution to the local economy which seems to be a bone of contention for some, is likely greater in the last 8 years than in the 35 before that and I don't regret anything. More tea anyone??

He means the one that uses beef dripping I very much hope... the green painted one. Northern chap very nice, hates the VAT man.... M

Sorry peeps , I get back from San Diego on the Friday night. I am a very good racket thee person though. Northern for guess and get it right kind of guy. Saved me hours with curtain rails in the past. If it looks right it is.. Never mind all that measuring ...lol You will have my wholehearted moral support.

Something I tell my teens now two twenty somethings REGULARLY... Teaching of Physics and Engineering basics sadly lacking in modern schools it seems. Where is that Wheat Stone Bridge gone when you need it ...LOL

Hi Vaughan Your point is very well made and taken however it's a little late, as they already are using 12v charging. We had several 12 sockets installed when we upgraded the electrics. They are very discreet as I didn't want ugly plastic 12 sockets all over the mahogany panel interior. Time for a rant........ The issue is that those on board under 25 streaming video and facetiming really kills the phone batteries. They do it all the time 24/7, so they are charging everything in cigar chargers all the time. We have two and three m long charging cables too. Looks like an explosion is a spaghetti factory at times. The other issue is the way teenagers graze the fridge (Waeco 80L) every five minutes, the poor thing has time to cool down a bit and someone gets something else to eat out of it after gazing inside leaning on the door for five minutes and the cycle starts again. My youngest (17) can, and does, play FiFA, text, and also stream video, or facetime on three different devices all AT THE SAME TIME AND HOLD A CONVERSATION VIA HEADPHONES with someone else. Its simply incredible. Rant over...... One good tip though would be to buy a phone sim top up that is unlimited data for a limited period (say a month )and then put that into your dongle...He he Dongle takes up to 5 or ten devices Bob's your Aunty. Easy for us as we have unlocked Phones by law here in Switzerland. The most ridiculous thing I can think of is using an inverter to convert 12 v to 240 v then use an adapter to take it back to 12v to charge devices... Makes my blood boil. Hence the 12v sockets. Smart chargers don't make the task easy either if the batteries are under significant load or damaged in any way as well. We had a dicky engineering battery cell last season (just one) and the smart charger had a fit of not charging the others fully even though we pootled all day. New battery fixed it. For interest our biggest real issue is the wiring for the ceiling lights as that is the ORIGINAL wax paper wrapped wiring from 1952. 66 years old and leaking current all over the place. All the rest was replaced 8 years ago with state of the art stuff, inverter, domestic and inverter suitcase batteries x4 almost 900 Ah, smart charger et al (all hidden so you can't see it of course). That lot of vintage crinkly wiring is set to be removed at the end of this season when we replace the cabin tops and the sloped cabin tops/sides with new grey lino with hessian backing and brown track mark for the edges. No modern fixes. The wallet is getting plenty of notice and no crying will be permitted. (will be posted in the restoration thread) Any sympathy greatly received..... Remind me again why we bought a wooden boat. Love and being a tiny bit potty as a fruit bat. See you all floating.

We are about to have solar panels fitted under the silly masty thing. So we can keep making ice cubes when we stop early in the summer and its 30 degrees (ok I'm optimistic) without running down the batteries too much, the kids (all three of em) with 90 million electric 12v devices (Ipad, Iphone , lappy and so on) on charge all the time really saps the energy. I'm swallowing my hypochrisy over the mining of the rare earth metals though. Feel quite bad about that. Anyone remember the flood light scandal and solar farms? The feed in tarrif was so high it still made money to run a diesel generator to flood light the solar panels to send voltage to the grid at night. they got found out though.... OOPs... Only in California of course .... Modern ones are so much better than the early models and use way less rare earth metals per panel and are way more efficient too. Apart from the mining spoilage issue, they are for me great things. So I would say go for it.

You could try dumping the tinned tomato and substituting self chopped fresh Beef Tomato instead. Much less acidic as it's more flesh less liquid and if you add puree to the pan when frying the meat and fry that too it simulates the flavour of sun dried tomato rather well. I always try and use fresh basil too as it's a much gentler taste (less metallic) on the tongue. Add pasata to taste and a splosh of white wine and you're good to go. Less garlic for the reflux works too. It works for me and I have gastric reflux with the iron rod red hot down the throat which I'm sure your hubs is familiar with. I used to take zantak which is an H2 receptor antagonist (stops acid production feedback), that worked for a while but now its pantoprazole (generic name) which is a proton pump inhibitor which is much much more effective all day than H2 antagonists. (quite old school now). The first generation proton pump inhibitors (PPI) had some heart rythm issues when used long term, the latter 2nd generation ones (pantoprazole) much less so. Neither of these medications is cheap if given on prescription long term and so some doctors allegedly would not necessarily prescribe them. I really would give the beef tom a try it does work in reducing the acidity of the dish. The Chillie and tomato mix is called Arabiata here.(CH) M

Many thanks I had forgotten how much I like doing them. Once you start it’s like an itch that has to be scratched. M

Here we go with Dinner on Ranworth Staithe, Easter Sunday plans and Roast beef. Nom Nom After a very pleasant afternoon onboard the Corsican, Fiona and I trollied, sorry trundled, back to Malanka so we could get on with dinner. We decided that Roast Beef and Yorkshires was probably beyond our combined capabilities after an afternoon of totally rational and moderate drinking and so we made Spatchcock Chicken with Salt and Vinegar potato wedges with green beans instead, simples. Yes I noticed the obvious contradiction there too, I blame the Corsicans. I made a last minute, unplanned plash and dash white wine sauce too, with some white wine, some flour and the chicken fat /juices which I just couldn’t throw away, the flavours of the seasoned chicken were all there to be used, so I used em. The chicken was so easy, remove packaging and place in pre heated oven and so on. The wedges were par boiled first (not peeled) and added to a hot roasting pan with some peanut oil then sprinkled with salt and vinegar seasoning and cooked for a further twenty minutes or so. Beans were just simple boiled French beans. The usual way we do French beans would have been with caramelised onions, garlic and bacon /panchetta was just too much fuss, and not really necessary as the chicken was to be the main event and star of the show. And in addition I really couldn’t be bothered. Food consumed, wine sipped, after dinner Swiss liquor chocolates nibbled and washing up completed it was time to hit Bedfordshire once more. We then had a short debate concerning whose turn it was to “let the dogggies out for an ablution wander” so after I did that as well it was time for bed. Next morning we awoke not to the sound of running engines but to ducks cavorting on the cabin tops. It was a pleasant surprise not to have heaters and engines running on Ranworth Staithe especially considering the state of the weather. The weather was calm but chilly and a slight drizzle threatening to get heavier any minute. After the mandatory dog walk and breakfast feed, Justin and I consulted with the rest of the crew and asked if they would like to leave the Staithe and go into the middle of the broad for breakfast, they all said, “oooh that’s a good plan”, as by now many engines and heaters were changing the Staithe ambience to one of busy with diesel fume parfum, so off we went. So here was our situation, to our starboard side was a huge 42 feet long boat, to our port side a smaller 35 feet long cruiser and immediately in front was the yacht moored opposite the LHS of the staithe. In short there was no way to get Malanka out by turning to Starboard as she does not bend in the middle and the gap beteeen the yacht and the 42 feet long boat was not 39feet so no go there. So cunning plan devised we pulled up the mudweight, cast off the lines and gently moved away from the mooring and turned to port. Easily missing all boats and gently coasting down toward to end of the mooring, slight addition of a little reverse throttle and we then stopped, lined up the boat and proceeded to reverse back up the mooring, turn right in front of the moored boats (we are going backwards remember) on the front of the staithe, and then across the front of the staithe and then turn left at the end, neatly bisecting the two mudweighted boats in the process to arrive at the other side of the broad were Justin dropped the mudweight and we killed the engine and then quietly settled down to cook some happy Norfolk pig in various forms (bacon and sausage) and prepare some eggy bread / french toast cooked in savoury bacon and sausage fat /juice. What better way to start the day in Malthouse Broad. After breakfast our tentative plan was to pootle to Wroxham shoot the bridge and head up to Coltishall, hence the fairly early start, so we set off at a steady two donkey power in the direction of the bridge. Arriving at the height marker we saw 6ft 6’ on the guage and we can do 6ft6’ at a pinch so we decided that plan B was required and we could get back in the warm and not bother attempting the bridge and so we put everything back up. We had earlier just popped into Wroxham broad to take everything down and we were getting cold and wet in the process. Just as we decide to put it all back up of course the heavens opened and that bitter, bone numbing wind kicked in and we knew Easter Sunday was not going to be a pleasant day. We looked at the forecast and thought that a nice slow pootle to the Ferry Inn at Stokesby would be a nice alternative day, so we set off with the open heavens pouring buckets down on norfolk and watched the rainX cope admirably with the incessant downpour. A couple of years earlier we had removed the twin windscreen wipers to go for the more authentic look and we now rely entirely on rainX to do the job for us. It works like a charm and the change gave us an extra 2 inches drop in air draft. We didn’t remove the nice internal dash fittings for the power though. This is now connected to a two speed Chrome windscreen fan kindly donated by one of my American colleagues who was going to fit it to his R.V. but never got round to it before selling the R.V. and so donated the fan to us. Roger the wood guy made us a lovely varnished wooden plinth for it to sit on, so it is totally moveable within the dash /windscreen area. We had decided to fill up our tanks with Water at Southgates in Horning rather than Ranworth for obvious reasons (clean, quick and hose not dropped in the water and so on) as the following day we planned to cross Breydon and head up to Loddon early doors. However as with all things connected to plans, this soon went out of the window. On the way to Wroxham, the space was filled with multiple pump-out customers and even more waiting, so we kept going. On the return from Wroxham, the wind was blowing an absolute hooley and whilst I know what I am doing I did notice that the pontoon had less than six inches above the water, and our fenders don’t reach down that far. With the wind in that state the sensible thing to do would have been to deploy the floating huge white sausage fenders we have in the store up front. The even more sensible thing was to not attempt the move in the first place, as with wooden boats even a gentle “kiss” to a metal framed pontoon can have unexpetedly expensive consequences. We had only had two showers and some washing up out of the tanks so far and so we were good to go for a few days more if we wished. The weather on the journey to Stokesby was awful and so we just pootled, and enjoyed the journey listening to the gentle throb of the powerful 3.8l BMC power unit under our feet, and playing with the new fan to determine the best mist clearing location and fan speed combination. Arriving at Stokesby we couldn’t believe our eyes, everyone was thinking the same as us and the place was chokka block with boats, the farm moorings double moored for a substantial part of their entire length. Luckily there was a single space left right outise the pub in front (up stream side) of a boat from Silverline. We have met Mr and Mrs Silverline and they are the nicest people you could wish to meet, we met them when we had an emergency (rocker cover oil cap gone walkies under the oil spill tray and into the bilges and so irretrievable), and these wonderful people enabled us to moor in their yard whilst we walked to the chandlers in Brundle to buy a new one, even though it was almost full and on a busy and very hot summers day. The Silerline boat was, as usual, immaculately turned out. The tide was running downstream very quickly and so we passed the space, turned, added throttle and came about into the torrent that is created at the old crossing. The rest is easy, mooring into a heavy flowing river is one of my favourites as its so easy, you can just adjust the speed, turn the wheel and let the river take you sideways into the space with no effort required. Mooring evolution completed we took stock and then Fiona and I headed into the pub. The pub was heaving from so many boats and the atmosphere was super. We met the biggest/tallest Irish Wolfhound Fiona and I had seen in many years and said hello, we then settled into a seat each at the bar to enjoy some “us time” in a pub by ourselves. We participated in the guess the number of chocolate eggs in a jar competition (didn’t win) and passed on information to the guys at the pub, from Malanka, sent via text as the weather was foul, that someone was attempting to moor and had in fact actually achieved it, stern on into the little gap on the downstream side of the Silerline boat. The guys from the pub went outside into the torrential rain to sort it out. We spent a lovely afternoon chatting in the pub watching everyone have what looked to be a superb roast dinner, so much so that the pub ran out of Sunday Dinners. We love the Ferry Inn Stokesby and have never had anything but lovely experiences there. If you have never been try it out. It’s a lovely welcoming place inside and out, the staff are great too. Well done the Ferry Inn. After watching all those dinners pass us by, the delicate aromas tantalising us as the plates were efficiently wafted past us destined for some hungry diners, it became too much and our thoughts turned to our own impending roast dinner abandonned from yesterday. Fiona had purchased a superb piece of top rump from Cawdrons, and whilst not the cheapest option by far, we were anticipating eating a properly aged, well hung piece of beef cooked medium rare. Accompanying this beautiful piece of ex very happy cow were to be yorkshire puddings (our first ever attempt on board in a camper oven). Fiona is the Yorkshire pudding Queen par excellence (remember the yorkshire pudding thread a while back), so her reputation was on the line….He he No pressure. Mashed potato (Helena’s favourite guilty pleasure at the moment), caramelised butter carrots, (No sugar just butter and time in the pan), and caramelised onion and red wine gravy (bit self explanatory that one) We didn’t bother peeling the carrots to go into the gravy stock and couldn’t be bothered to buy celery as well so just onions and carrots were chopped, placed in pan with some butter, slightly seasoned and left to do their thing for the next 90 minutes. It was at this point we worked out we had forgotten to bring or buy a potato peeler, so taking life and limb (fingers) in hand so to speak, I peeled them using a short sharp knife. One stab wound later we had a pan ful of cut potato sitting in fresh cold water to come to full turgor pressure (firm up). Thickly cut but not peeled carrots were in a smaller pan with minimal water (which would go into the gravy later) and slightly seasoned. These would be cooked at the end so they didn’t sit and go yucky. The potato water along with a slosh of some decent red wine were also destined to be the liquid bulk of the gravy as well. Beef into oven at max, we lost the numbers years ago so it’s just on at “hottest”, all the way round the dial ..Seasoned and on a roasting trivet. This piece of beef had a magnificent saddle of natural fat attached so I was looking forward to fully rendering that down, so that it bastes itself as it cooks. It’s also cooks privilege to eat it too. Nom nom. My HDL’s and LDL’s are fully aligned to deal with saturated fat so no worries there. Making a rue out of the fat and meat juices later would make magnificent gravy when added to the slowly roasted and caramelised onion and carrot components, and so it was (eventually). Ok enough about cooking, it didn’t really matter how long it all took, as we were moored up with springs and having a lovely afternnon of joint family time chatting, talking and laughing together. It was a great end to a bad day weather wise but a great family day together. Suffice it to say that the puddings took longer than anticipated but the flavour was extraordinary. Mingled with the gravy, (plus secret ingredient) carrots, mash and medium rare (pink) roast beef, the overall effect was magical. We did take pictures for Jeff but I can’t find them at the moment. The magic secret ingredient in the gravy when at home is plumb jam my mother made when we lived in Germany from a large plum tree we had in our garden (we left in Jan 2009), which now has matured and is simply amazing when used for cooking all sorts of different things. Here it was Roys Rasberry Jam. Almost everything went to plan, but the stand out item was the beef which was stunning, tender as you like and cooked on gas mark guess for 15 mins/lb plus 15 mins. It was melt in your mouth good and in our opinion well worth the extra expense. We don’t eat roast beef that often but after this one we decided to go back to Cawdrons on the way home and buy 5 x 1kg joints to take back with us. That weight being the exact ammount the customs will let you import into CH with five pasport holders in the car. If we attempted to buy beef that good in Switzerland I would have to sell at least one child or a kidney at the very least. We had a lovely eveing cooking, laughing and being a family together, Malanka brings us all back to earth and deposits us in a lovely location and it was great to spend the afternoon reconnecting and realising we do actually like each other too. We make each other laugh and what more can life be about. We had an early, just after sunrise departure on Monday so it was early to Bedfordshire and it definitley was not my turn to parambulate with the woofters. To come, Great Yarmouth, a lack of steerage, then Breydon and 11mph, full woo hoo. Later, Indian food in Loddon (Superb), highly recommended.

Why CC you’re most very welcome for your gracious complement. It of course does help that over ten tons, big rudder, huge torque and big prop, wind, all help, if used together in the right way. I’m going to describe the showing off departure the next morning a bit later . If you were there you saw Boris have a discussion with a pair of geese. He he he is such a dope. M

Loved it.... Lists, lists, everyone has to do a list , and then talk about it and imagine the holiday, the anticipation building, that's what lists are for. Anticipation..... My lists used to (many many years ago) include pants x7 socks Pairs x7, jeans x2, shoes x2 and so on. Pre marriage I used to be ragged solid by the now SWIMBO about my so detailed lists. One year quite recently she forgot my pants and my shorts.... grrr lists indeed. We now pack separately. Excellent holiday tale. M&F

Saturday Morning. I woke up with a dog paw on my head, and a bit further down the bed there was a rather heavy dog head on my backside. Belonging to two separate Airedales my fuzzy senses determined after a few minutes of wriggling to determine if I could move without waking up the furries. The reason I wanted to move without waking them was I simply didn’t want to get up, and the moment the furries determine you have the slightest intention of actually getting up its tail lashing, licking and woofling sufficient to wake the dead. The dead was still asleep next to me and I didn’t want to incur the wrath of the disturbed sleep recently rudely awakened Fiona. The reason the furries had deserted their place at the top of the bed separate from us was, that as my nose was detecting, it was (insert your own swear type word) COLD, COLD and more COLD. The two woofers were curled into tiny balls with only one or two limbs sticking out, including the one on my head (from Monty) and the head on my bottom (Boris), apart from those two exceptions they were compact black and Tan fur balls. I did make the mistake of trying to turn over but all that did was reveal my backside to the biting cold of the very crisp, very dry morning air in the cabin. There wasn’t a lot of condensation as the boat is wooden, but it was perishingly cold. OK there was no hope for it and Fiona was by now chuckling to herself at my discomfort so bullet clenched tightly between her teeth she reached for the Eber controls at the same time deftly avoiding a wildly swishing tail that almost swept her night time juice drink onto the floor as happened yesterday morning. Tick tick tick tick tick brrmmmmm whoooooooosh BBBBRrrRRRRRMMMMMM. Aah warm air was served. Even though we had warm air I still left it a good five minutes before applying cold pants to my warm delicate areas. We both dressed and with almost the same routine as yesterday we dashed to the field for a quick run and then instead of Richos yard we simply headed back to the boat to feed the ravening beasts their breakfast. Today was going somewhere day and it required food, and some tea (me) and coffee to get us going. I turned on the gas, delicately placed caramelised onion sausages and bacon into the pans (x 2) and made the tea with the recently boiled Kettle. For interest we have the rectangular boating/caravaning pans which we find ideal for our two ring burner hob thing. The aroma coming from the galley now was enough for us to go “aaahhhhh a propper boating breakfast”. Bed put away and all crew members eagerly awaiting their food it was time for Radio 2 and the world would be whole again. I may have over estimated the quantities of food produced as the sandwhiches were somewhat on the large side, even after much cursing and compressing and looking at it from every angle, Fiona couldn’t actually eat hers. Me to the rescue I squished it down to within an inch of its life and hey presto breakfast was served. This morning we had to take Christian back to the station in Wroxham so he could get back to Uni (he is in his final year at UEA) and finish his dissertation that had a deadline looming in a few days. He had only popped down to see us Friday and then had to go back Saturday, but none the less it was lovely to see him and be a whole family again even if only for one day. Fiona had later identified from this mornings walk that her foot attire was not exactly performing to standard in that her feet were soaked. So after dropping Christian it was quickly into Roys for some new wellies. Needless to say we bought a pair of shoes in addition to the needed wellingtons but I’m used to that after 26 years. We also bought some roasting tins and a yorkshire pudding tin as we intended to make roast beef with yorkshire puddings, mash, onion and red wine gravy and caramelised butter carrots later that day. We also bought some additional pans and a potato masher that works, to facilitate the mashing. So a quick shop turned into a much longer shop and then it was back to the boat to talk to Phil about the non functioning t.v. To cut a very long and very embarassing story short, phil correctly found the on/off switch deftly located/hidden on the lower right edge of the wafer thin tv. Which I had been unable to find in my attempts to see if the tv was in fact still functioning. He said “is it turned on” oooops basic error. I had never actually turned it either on or off with a switch. Much mirth at my expense later we were ready to depart, everyone showered and the water tanks replenished we headed out. For interest Malanka also has an immersion heater which we absolutely adore as when plugged in we wake to lashings of piping hot water which with the baby on board is very useful. One of Fiona’s innovations is also an engine cooling water sourced radiator in the bathroom, so we can dry towels and keep the bathroom warm when we are pootling along. So the plan was to depart slowly, pootle slowly down the Ant, see what the bridge height was at Ludham, as a lot of the wet stuff had come down, then pootle some more until we arrived at Ranworth Staithe. Of course managing to get a berth at said location is something of a pot luck, takes as one finds sort of affair but we thought we could just loiter with intent if that’s what it took. The trip down to Ludham was uneventful and a little of the asbolutely fweeezing sort, so we had the canvases closed, and the eber just turning slowly to keep everywhere nice and snuggly warm. The new burgundy canvases fit well so there is much less of a howling gale in the cockpit than one would imagine from an external view. Add to that the greenhouse effect of the canvases when that nuclear orb in the sky makes an appearance and its quite magical for early and late season cruising. Aproaching the first and slightly tilted height board upstream of the bridge it read 8ft3’. Now with the roof vents down but everything else up (windscreen and canopy roof) except the silly masty thing, we are just shy of eight feet out of the water. I also know that the first upstream guage one sees approaching the bridge is absolute fantasy when it comes to the bridge height. It was never that good even without being slightly out of kilter due to someone hitting it. But seeing as it was brass monkey endangering weather outside we thought naaaa let’s give it a go and see what the bridge guage reads as well. We did of course dispatch Justin to take down the masty thing as that’s up in the 12 /13 ft range and won’t even go under Acle bridge. He returned to the welcoming warmth of the cockpit having decided that a thicker jumper would have been a much better idea. I did warn him it was tadd chilly. Slowly approaching Ludham and Justin sent to the rear cabin top just to guage the clearance we edged forward on tickover to assess the situation, the tide was against us so the bridge height was decreasing all the time and we easily held station and waited whilst a couple of boats who were with the tide came through, I’m not sure if they knew they had priority but hey ho I gave it to them in any case. The two boats came through as as we got nearer the bridge guage (we had to get really close because some very nice sorts had “sort of moored there”, covering a large portion of the guage from river view, so we couldn’t actually see the guage from centre river. In the end it didn’t matter as we saw 8ft on the guage and we knew we could make it. Against the tide we were sitting up quite a bit so I knew we would make it but it WOULD be tight. It was…..Ahem. We cleared with an inch to spare over the top of the cabin roof vents, well done team. As we tooted our greeting to George at the boatyard one of the Diamond Emblems came into view. Fiona and I drew a few breaths as they clearly intended to go for it and I opened the canopies and advised that unless you can do less than 8ft you weren’t going to make it. The helm (top helm ?????) gave me the thumbs up and continued to the bridge. A few “OMG’s” later and a few “You have to be kiddings” we watched them edge closer and closer the helm crouching lower and lower and then it obviously dawned, we can’t make it. No sugar in your tea then Mr Sherlock Holms we collectively thought. Other words may have been used aloud in the cockpit but essentially this was the message. We were three or four hours after low water so we expecetd the bridge to require us to lower the canopy, however the Diamon Emblem was with the tide heading for the bridge it couldn’t get under. We needn’t have worried the helm deftly brought the vessel to a stop and reversed away. Well done that man/woman. Excitement over for now we pootled down to the Ant mouth and turned right heading for our appointment with some prosecco and some Gin /Rum or whatever and a meet up with Steve Jeff, Lorna and alex. Approaching the Staithe we were at the head of quite a little procession of boats all with the same intent in mind, we drew up in front of the Staithe, assessed the situation and then just sat and waited for a free spot to appear as there were quite a few (three) day boats stern on on the RHS of the Staithe. We assumed they were in the pub having some lunch and so would shortly be returning to leave and head back to Wroxham and NBD. (other day boats are of course available in Wroxham) The wind was gently to our port bow and not too strong so we could sit with engine at idle and just not go anywhere, Justin signalled to the boat behind that we would go in and then help them as there was easily room for two cruisers in the space that would be left by the three day boats. We did notice that The Corsican was moored next to where a lady had unfortunately slipped into the water the previous evening, this location was now out of bounds with red / white tiger tape as the wooden quay head top was at a slight angle, not more than about 10/15 degrees but sufficient to form a nice slide path into the cooling Malthouse Broad. Those lovely (not) helpful (not) useful (not) flourescent round edge markers were prominent on this piece of quay heading. To be honest gentle folks, the only three times in eight years (me twice Fiona once) we have slipped into the water, these helpul little additions have been a contributing factor, they are just too slippery to be allowed anywhere near the endge of the water. (in my opinion of course) The damn things only flouresce if you use a torch on them and then only for about a minute, then of course using the torch to illuminate them destroys what night vision you may have had. Step off and hit one and its good luck staying upright they really are that deadly. A rough edged sandy strip version would have been a much better idea, but who am I to judge. Don’t get me wrong the intention was admirable, the execution much less so. I often find this from people in my professional life who love to talk for hours about this and that and what to do about everything, usually incredibly bright people who one day will undoubtedly be the CEO, without actually thinking about how this fantastic, brilliant, truly inspired idea is to be implemented without the law of unintended consequences biting them in the bum…. Back to the tale. As we waited, gently bobbing up and down just off the edge of the staithe, Fiona asked “how long should we stay here before employing plan B”. Now in my head I’d sort of had forty minutes or so flitting here and there without actually coming out the communication appartus at the front. I do this a lot, the family call it talking to myself and in fact holding entire conversations with myself without a single sound being emitted. So I said “oh I thought I had said forty minutes or so” “err no hun you didn’t say anything” Fiona laughed. Oops, these moments regrettably are becoming more frequent or so the family says. Me I don’t remember…. A large crowd of what looked at first glance like day boat people emerged onto the Staithe, we watched with baited breath as some boarded one then two then some were on all three of the day boats (Oh by the way they weren’t in the dinghy dyke as that was full of day boats too so no issues from me there) . One engine started, then two, and ropes were fiddled with, Oh no what about day boat three ? Please tell me they are all together. I needn’t have worried they were together and they were just doing a headcount to ensure all crew members were present and accounted for. As they were preparing to leave I slowly backed away a little bit round the corner across the front of the Staithe (Yes Malanka steers very well in reverse) to give them enough room to get away. The first two made it easily enough the third seemed in deep conversation over her shoulder as she got nearer and nearer to us, why they needed to use that avenue to leave I didn’t know but they got really close. The reason was soon clear, they couldn’t see out of the misted up windows. Anyway, disater avoided as she looked up just in time to miss us by a few feet. So way clear, we headed in, turned to the right a bit, some forward throttle, bit of reverse and we slid gently up to the quayside and Justin stepped off and made us secure. The guys behind were new to boating so we took lines and dragged them into place and made them secure too. Good job, the doggies went for a quick run about, have a wee and generally create mayhem for few moments, then it was connect the electric and head to say Hi to the Corsicans and Braveheartians. (ok I made up that last bit, Braveheart is the name of their boat) Justin and Helena with Baby Eliza stayed with the woofers as we left them to it for the afternoon and headed for some good company, excellent conversation, and to put all the worlds ills to rights in one afternoon. Can’t ask for more…. The movement part of our first real day was over, later we will talk about the dinner, Roast Beef, Yorkshires, Mash, onion and red wine gravy and caramelised Butter Carrots….. Eat your heart out Jamie. Thanks for the thumbs up on the river too .. Dinner to follow soon. Wellies from Roys. Boris in his Toilet Roll challenge. Told you he is tall.

it's the old eat in or take away one John. M