I spy with my little eye

[Wussername]

I spy with my little eye

The dash board camera, fitted on motor vehicles, seems to be favoured by an increasing number of motorists.

On our rivers, each year, we read on the forums the trials and tribulations suffered by the saily, the private owner, the holiday maker. all of whome at one stage or another transgress the rules of etiquette which prevail.

Salvation is at hand. How often do we read "if only my camera was ready". Now it is. Able to record every misdemeanour on your trip down river.

Before you can say knife the video of that obnoxious little man will be winging it's way to BA control. Solicitors dancing like dervishes at the prospect of filling their coffers at the the very thought of legal action.

Do not even think about speeding. The wrath of hades will descend upon you. It will become the panacea of all ills.

Now. With the ever advance of technology, is this a good or a bad step forward. Will it help to improve the quality of the Broads experience. Will it stop river rage, those unpleasant moments which many of us have witnessed.

Or indeed, that dreadful moment when you realise that your boat has been damaged whilst you were away.

It is the year 2020. It is in the depth of winter. From 180 miles away an IP address is activated at a boat yard in Norfolk. A hatch on the deck of a very large luxury cruiser slides silently open. A small compact helicopter drone rises noislessly from the boat. It hovers over the craft, checks the security of the vessel, the state of the tide, the mooring ropes, the surrounding area. And after a few minutes, returns to it's lair.

The owner snuggles down into his 20 tog duvet happy in the knowledge that all is well.

Old Wussername.

[MauriceMynah]

It is the year 2040

 

In a galaxy far far away Bob the spaceman logs on to his computer and activates an ip address at a small mooring on the river Bure. Silently a hatchway opens on a luxury craft. A duck who happened to be sitting on this hatchway is given a fright, and does what every carbon based life form does when given a fright, all over the lens of the drone. Automatically, the lens is cleaned and the drone takes to the air.

On auto pilot it flies all round the boat checking the moorings of it's mother craft.

 

It freezes, hovering perfectly still. A movement has been detected, a boat breaker has been caught in the act.

 

Immediately the drone autodials 999. It receives the reply...

 

"If you wish to speak to the police press 1, if you wish to speak to the fire brigade, press 2, if you wish to speak to the ambulance service press 3. if you wish to speak to the coastguard press 4, if you are a drone press 5."

 

Impatiently the drone auto presses 5.

 

"Hello Drone, If you wish to speak to the police press 1, if you wish to speak to the fire brigade, press 2, if you wish to speak to the ambulance service press 3. if you wish to speak to the coastguard press 4."

 

The drone and the ne'erdowell are staring at each other. Slowly, the rogue pulls out an air pistol and fires at the drone. Dodging the slug, the drone expertly flys up and out of range, it's camera zooming in on the face of this thief. Whilst doing so it electronically presses 1.

 

The robotic voice at the other end of the line bursts back into life...

 

"If you wish to report a crime of violence press 1. If you wish to report a crime of motoring offense press 2.  If you wish to report a crime of theft press 3."

 

Again the drone auto presses the correct code, only now, this lowlife is running away, and running fast. The drone gives chase. Once again the phone line crackles into life.

 

"If the crime has already happened and you wish to report it, press 1, if the crime is in progress press 2."

 

"2" presses the drone, fast running out of electronic patience.

 

"If there's danger to life press 1, if there is no danger to life press 2."

 

The drone, fast reaching the limits of it's operational range, pauses to take one final clinching photograph of the villain, but danger looms. The drone has flown into a windfarm.

 

The turbine's blade crashes into the drone smashing the small flyer into minute pieces.

 

The phoneline responds...

 

"Unrecognised response" and hangs up.

 

In a galaxy far far away, Bob the spaceman says a very, very, rude word, logs on to Amazon and orders a new drone.

 

Progress eh? where would we be without it?

[BroadScot]

     Brilliant!!! MM    

 

Iain.

[fishtone]

A friend has fixed one of these cameras on the back of his boat so he can monitor the water outlet from his outboard via a screen on the dash A very good idea especially when on the upper Bure between Wroxham and Coltshal especially in Summer when river is badly weeded up.

[Baitrunner]

I have a fairly advanced reversing aid on my boat but it is extremely expensive.

It shouts at me, I shout back. It swears at me and I swear back. We argue. The boat gets moored and nothing is hit. We then have a drink and try to agree procedures for the next time. She never remembers!

Where can I get one of those cameras?

[grendel]

I run 2 cameras in the car, one forward facing one rearward, they record continuously while the ignition is on, storing to a 32Gb sd card, as they fill the card it overwrites the older files, thus requiring no attention unless something happens, in one instance I reviewed the recording, when turning left across a bus lane I nearly sideswiped a taxi I had not seen, on reviewing the video, in about 100 yards he had swung into the bus lane from 2 cars behind, and come alongside me, at the time I had been doing 30mph until I braked for the turn, so he had been speeding up the bus lane undertaking myself and the cars behind me, if I had hit him, I would have assumed the fault was all mine, but on reviewing the video, he played a large part in the process with his driving style.

Thus I fully appreciate their presence, mine were very cheap (about £11 each, plus £12 for the 32Gb cards) but they show enough detail to apportion blame.

Some systems you can get are a lot more sophisticated, and have gps tracking and record sudden changes in speed or direction too, but for the amount I paid I am happy they do the job.

Grendel

[BroadScot]

I have a fairly advanced reversing aid on my boat but it is extremely expensive.

It shouts at me, I shout back. It swears at me and I swear back. We argue. The boat gets moored and nothing is hit. We then have a drink and try to agree procedures for the next time. She never remembers!

Where can I get one of those cameras?

Mark,

 

Would you like lucozade or orange for your hospital bed  Brave man

 

Iain

[Baitrunner]

Iain I doubt I will be able to swallow until they release the rope from my neck!

[SPEEDTRIPLE]

I hate gizmos of any kind. They take away paoples ability of reason and thought. Be a luddite like me, and life becomes far more relaxing and tolerable    

[SPEEDTRIPLE]

Having said the above   "Lightning"  does have a bow thruster and twin 240v systems fitted,.......... and i use them  :oops: .

[fishtone]

Hi Baitrunner,the camera was bought on the internet from China for £20.