Malanka

Apologies for living in a world of facts and unambiguity for 32 years. This usually results in the throwing of slippers or swearing at the tv. I lost the itchy send finger a long time ago!!

Originally that is not what Grendel said and with which I disagreed. Latterly this is what Grendel says and I like you agree. The issue simply put is this poor lady like you made a poor choice/ decision in a split second. The consequences for you were somewhat better than for her. We all make poor choices in deeds and also earlier on in words. We don’t all pay with our lives for poor choices. I know a young lad who fell between canal boat and the bank the resultant crush reduced his pelvis to more pieces than it was designed with. I have had my fingers dislocated and broken merely sitting in a sailing boat as someone else’s choice of leaving the boat resulted in me being the pea in the biscuit barrel. Lord save us all from poor choices and unfortunately the consequences for this lady were horrendous.

Sorry Grendel you said fending off with, not don’t get your body parts between if using them to fend off. It’s the use of with that I objected to. Now you’re saying between which I agree with 100% and was the reason for my post. There’s an ocean of difference between what you wrote earlier and what you now write. I 100% accept you meant to write then what you write now! You know the answer to that one.

Maxwellian. That’s easy, it is not always possible to simply stand by and watch a slow motion ( hopefully) crash happen and simply saying nobody should use body parts ( in itself a little odd) without an alternative in its place is a little bit of a broad brush sweep. To date I have seen boat hooks, mops and brushes used to fend off boats. All inappropriate and dangerous when a simple boot in the right place correctly and safely applied would suffice. I do not take grief vicariously upon myself as there is more than enough to go round already. I thank god it’s nobody I know and feel for the family however nothing I write will lessen that families torment. What Grendel wrote was an inaccurate and IMO too simple a reflection of how this poor lady died. The thousands of tons of incompressible water pushing that boat into the bridge could never be countered by her or anyone else. It was not simply the boat momentum as that could be countered quite easily as I would imagine anyone who has turned a boat using ropes and not the engine can attest. In that turning scenario would body parts be acceptable to use? Of course they would ! Against that bridge never. Yes it’s tragic however simply saying never use hands or feet to guide or fend a boat when we all know this is safely done a million times a day doesn’t make sense. If this poor lady had used something else she would in all likelihood still have been crushed. It was not what she used that killed her but the decision to try to fend at all in those circumstances to stop the impact which by then from the description in the article would have been inevitable. A barely analogous situation that may explain is one my father taught me years ago which still holds true which is swerving the car and hitting potentially another car or a pedestrian to avoid an animal running into the road. The safest but most horrible course of action is to let it happen but of course brake safely too. Rather than introduce an unknown ( consequence of swerving) To be clear I’m not lessening the tragedy at all but dispassionately discussing the likely cause. I did the same and always have even when discussing with his father, how my cousin died crashing his motorbike into a loose horse when he was 22, or carrying my nieces coffin after she died by weighing 14 ounces at birth. There are many other tragedies in the world every day me waxing about them rather than discussing why is not going to lessen any of them. Sorry if anyone is upset by that.

It’s not difficult to understand tragic though things like this are. She was not crushed by the weight of the boat she was crushed by the effective force of whatever surface area of boat hull being pushed by THOUSANDS of tons of water. In extreme cases such pressure will flip the boat and crush anything between the boat and the bridge. She made the wrong choice and died because of it but again she was not crushed by the weight of the boat. In physics terms F=MxA M

She wasn’t crushed by the boat she was crushed by the weight of water pushing the boat against the bridge, a totally different scenario. And sorry Grendel, but if not body parts then what ? Boat hooks, mops? Hardly M

As the day of our journey began, the waking up from deep sleep process was not normal, it took me a few moments of gathering woolly thoughts and ordering them into some semblance of “awake” before I realized the disconnect in my mind. It was quiet, no shuffling doggie feet, no sniffing noises and no huge dog nose bumping into my face encouraging me to “get up daddy”. Thinking to myself that taking the woofs to the Hunde Hotel the previous day was such a great idea I shut my eyes for few more Zzzzz’s. Nope that wasn’t going to fly Fiona was up and rummaging about in the bathroom, as Fiona is not a quiet rummager it was time to bite the bullet and drag my carcass out of our lovely warm and still welcoming bed and GET UP! We decided to forego breakfast for a couple of reasons, one being we had made a pack up for the journey which we would subsequently consume somewhere in the area of Frankfurt AM, another being we planned to eat a lovely meal on the ferry. Showered dressed and last minute checks completed it was time to go… Departure was roughly half past nine which was a set off hour calculated to include traffic, lunch stop, pee breaks, fuel replenishment (only one needed) and leg stretches. Navigation on, engine start away we go to my favorite Brian Adams track (Too Hot to Handle) which sort of fits with Millie’s personality. We Were approximately ten minutes out when the completeness of our departure checks were revealed to be sub optimal (management speak for WRONG), where were the felties? They were sitting at home on the kitchen table NOT in the car enjoying the view through the windscreen, listening to the various Norse gods practicing percussion instruments at the rear of the car for the symphony/cacophony (depending on your viewpoint)to come later. Decision made we returned to retrieve the felties and so, once more we set off, this time it was 10:10 hrs. Great start team Malanka….Great start. The journey through Switzerland to Basel is BORING! This is not the country in which to exercise even a fraction of the horses under Millie’s long expanse of bonnet. So cruise control it was and just settle into the comfy sports seats gripping every part of one’s body and just enjoy the ride and the stunning mountain vistas one can see from the A3. The motorway post Basel after entering Germany is de restricted almost immediately, there are controlled sections with 100, 120 and 130kph limits but most of it to Frankfurt is Ohne Geschwindigkeit Controlle. Or as we call it FUN TIME… Once across the border it’s into “dynamic mode” which stiffens the suspension, steering response and also sharpens up the already quite amusing throttle response. Once in dynamic mode the ambient lighting turns a deep alluring red, the dials change to race mode and the deployable airfoil at the back rises to add downforce to the rear wheels, once past 200kph it retracts down again to increase speed, whilst still providing 20% more downforce to the rear wheels. So it was in this mode that we started our trek across Germany to the Dutch border 900km away. We had wonderful fun utilizing the supercharger and Millies horses and Torques of which she has a rather silly number, this is all accompanied by the God like percussion band in the rear popping and crackling with over runs. All this is great fun and I must admit when she goes back to JLR in a couple of months I will miss it all. We stopped for lunch near Frankfurt as this coincided with a leg stretch and pee break too. For those not familiar with the Autobahn, it now costs 70 Euro cents to pee in Germany. So we stopped and sat out in the lovely sunshine enjoying our sandwiches. With no fuss and no bother we were soon approaching Bonn near where we used to live so Fiona sent a quick picture to the Kids of the motorway signs near Mechenheim where we used to go shopping. When on a de restricted Autobahn this is about as close as I ever get to the back of the car in front, it reduces stress and increases reaction times. With no further stresses we reached Rotterdam in time for the check in at 7 pm and then sailing at 22:15 and then we just waited onboard to start the final leg of our Journey to the wonderful Norfolk Broads, which captivated our hearts many years ago and still to this day raises anticipation to fever pitch. This is Millie’s recollection of the journey to Koln. After a lovely meal onboard Fiona and I briefly visited the bar for a beautifully chilled white I can’t quite remember the name of. For future reference it’s cheaper to buy the bottle than two large glasses and they will provide an ice bucket so one can retire to ones cabin!! Wake up time is 05:30 UK time which deserves no other epithet than bloody silly O’clock. Waking is facilitated by loud whistling played through the PA to the tune of “don’t worry, be happy”. Very annoying it is too, that tune is now for me forever ruined. We disembarked with zero fuss, there were no late donkeys blocking everyone else in and then we quickly cleared immigration and customs and we admit to giggling to ourselves as the black Porsche with Romanian plates in front of us was pulled aside for a thorough going over. We joined the A12 and A 140 and duly arrived in Stalham with no trials in time for breakfast of a meat pasty from Cawdrons on the high street.. Yummms. When we arrived at the boatyard Malanka was ready for us and she was looking absolutely magnificent in the morning sunlight. Phil’s guys had washed her to remove the “accumulation of stuff” that falls onto her in her Wet shed berth, and so post wash, she was all shiny and beautiful. As I previously mentioned the luggage area is not large in Millie and so we had to unpack prior to shopping, a major disadvantage one might think but it did get us started with zero fuss and focused on our decision making. Whilst we were traversing Germany the previous day Christian had been conversing with Fiona by text, suggesting that he could come with us for a couple of days, so we of course sent him some texts when we arrived (silly O’clock remember!) and then we waited until he was awake to get any answers. Christian lives in Norwich, so after shopping and storing all the purchased items in their prescribed locations, arrangements were made to see Christian in Salhouse Broad later that day. Plans made we discussed “stuff” with Phil and duly departed at half past two on a bimble down the Ant and then to Salhouse to pick up Christian and perhaps stay for the evening. We had the top down as the sun was beating down and the day was simply too good to miss and we were enjoying the newly serviced and smooth running engine and the resulting 3.5 mph pootling speed. We dawdled quite significantly as there was no need to rush and Christian duly met up with us at 18:00 in Salhouse, where we decided to have a brief walk, enjoy the evening and a lovely dinner before mudweighting later. After dinner we abandoned the idea of mudweighting as one couldn’t see ten feet, a sticky damp mist had formed which made moving anywhere a silly idea. Decision made we settled in to catch up with Christian where we learned he now had been made permanent by his employer after being taken on in October last year prior to the Christmas rush. There were another 300 or so who had not been so fortunate. It’s amazing that the next generation can communicate to friends from across the globe on three devices at once but it took a relaxing meal and the magic of Salhouse Broad for us to learn of his good fortune. After dinner with the mist hanging over everything like a soggy wooly blanket we decided to put on the Eber and warm things up a bit. Fiona activated the heating controls and we waited for the usual tick tick tick vvvrrrrrrr whhooosh vroooooom of the heating only to be a tad disappointed as there were some sounds emanating from beneath the wheelhouse boards but not the usual ones associated with a working Eber. Feeling for some airflow from the saloon heating vent there was, nothing, nichts, rein, nada, NOWT. We could hear noises but felt no heat, pondering this dichotomy I went into the wheelhouse to determine if any heat was issuing from the vent into the front cabin. I opened the door into the cabin to be met with a voluminous assault of pale blue diesel fumes pumping out of the vent into the cabin. “Bother dash it”, I said, “that’s not right”. Simultaneously to the assault by diesel fumes our resident CO alarm started to ping ping ping its raucus alarm note. We immediately turned off the heating and ventilated the entire boat until the alarm stopped telling us we were being poisoned. We fitted the CO alarm after our electrical fire of a few years ago, on this occasion there were no flames to discover or the need to deploy the fire extinguisher as in the previous encounter with a smoke filled boat. Please readers of this Tale. IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A CO ALARM PLEASE GET ONE IMMEDIATELY. It may save your life. We cleared the boat of fumes, visible and invisible and determined that we would return to the boatyard tomorrow to see what the guys could find out. With that thought firmly in our minds we retired to Bedfordshire to reflect upon the day.

On behalf of the forum let me say You're very welcome. We all feel the same way.

Well, here we are for another Easter Tale. One big difference with this one is that there are to be no doggies, well when I say that I mean no real doggies, however the “felties” will be accompanying us. These little Airedale recreations go with us when we can’t take the doggies, they have been to many places including first class to New York, they have sat on the control column in the cockpit of a BA 747 and been hugged by cabin crew at 35,000 feet and many, many adventures with us. The reason for no doggies is simply Brexit, without a clear indication of in or out and third country not third country rabies or no rabies, we didn’t take the risk of bringing them to the UK only to be trapped by silly bureaucrat prats. So while the doggies headed to the Hunde Pension, we and the felties headed to blighty. Boris Monty and Boots heading for their week in the spa.. The doggies love their holidays, being dogs, meeting four legged new friends and woofing until they can’t woof anymore. The evidence for this is seen as soon as we stop at the Hunde Hotel and they all “leg it” out of the car at 100 miles an hour heading straight for the entrance door which they jump up and woof and scratch at until we are let inside where they jump all over the Hotel ladies kissing and licking all over the place. When we see this we know they will have a great time. The felties are somewhat calmer by comparison even in the face of strange doggies. Here they are both Monty and Boris (Bomon) meeting with Murphy at Southgates in Horning. One rather pleasant consequence of not trusting politicians enough to risk our doggies on their whims was that Fiona and I could chose to come to the UK in Millie the loud lady from Coventry. This is Millie outside the pre-journey car wash, I know it doesn't make much sense as she is about to decimate huge swathes of insects but I can't abide setting off in a dirty car. The name Millie arises from mickey taking during the car selection process and is supposed to represent my "Mid Life Crisis car" hence Millie. She is a lease vehicle which shortly will be returned to JLR but we had fun together for two years. Only one speeding ticket in all that time 52 kph in 50….Oh well. I once was stopped by the French motorcycle cops outside Calais, however, they just wanted to harass me, which they proceeded to do. I wasn’t speeding, I knew it and so did they, but you don’t argue if you value your license. Back to the tale: We would be taking Malanka out for her first trip since all the surgery, planking, near sinking and all that jazz, so we would be returning with towels, bedding and clothes for two weeks for me and one week for Fiona. Millie’s luggage area in no way can be referred to as a boot, as at 195ltr it doesn’t even approach adequate, so cavernous is definitely out. The luggage area in the F type roadster is a strange shape so the ability to stuff little things into even smaller holes and unseen spaces is required.. No bother then ! Flexible bags packed, and yes I did note that Fiona’s bag for 7 days was heavier by a huge margin than my identical bag for 14 days, despite my additional underwear “OCD moment” being taken into account. Fiona says it is because I can and do, wear T shirt and shorts in any weather and she likes to be warm with an adequate supply of jumpers and other girlie stuff. This may be because when I was at my first school (primary school up to age 10) I was not permitted nor was anyone else under the heel of Mr Trippier our headmaster to wear long trousers under any circumstances or adverse weather conditions. The girls had to wear school skirts too or those silly gingham print dress things, no exceptions. So hell, high water, or in our case harsh Pennine winds driving rain and 3 feet snow falls, shorts, knee socks, cap and gabardine mac it was. We were not permitted inside school at lunch or break times either so out in the playground or rain shelters it was. For some inexplicable reason, to the current generation, going home soaked, cold but with a healthy glow was perfectly normal for the sixties child. Many times my mum walked us to school being pulled along on a sledge my father made, helped by a throwback huge Labrador called Simon who wouldn’t hurt a fly. In those days the school run was a school walk. So I rolled, folded, stuffed, wiggled, pressed and otherwise persuaded everything we would need into the 195ltr space provided. We intended to go via the Hoek Van Holland ferry and so an overnight backpack was also cajoled into adopting an unnatural shape to fit within the confines of Millies rear. As previously, we made a pack up for the journey, motorway sandwiches are horrible the world over so home-made Jambon-beur baguettes it was. Car washed, packed, all four tyres checked, fully fueled and primped and primed we were ready to go, so off up the stairs to Bedfordshire it was. We didn’t have to get up at silly o’clock as we wanted to arrive in Rotterdam at roughly 7pm so a 09:30 start would be perfectly adequate to avoid the rush and still get us through Germany on time. With the prospect of 485km of de-restricted autobahn to come and 575PS to play with I quickly drifted off to sleep, eager for the 1271km journey ahead. More to come. OK so far Grendel?

Hey Grendel Did you as a child ever say "ARE WE THERE YET". Something tells me you did, quite often......lol

Did anyone really think a blanket ban brought in within 24 hrs of the hew head of NE taking office, then he immediately brings in a blanket ban on the previous license system upon which hundreds of businesses and thousands of livelihoods depend, not to mention the immediate and devastating impact on song birds and crops being in place with 36 hrs notice was brought in with any impact assessment at all? If it was I would love to read it and know who wrote it ! One condition of the new head of NE's appointment was that his links to activism were to be "in the past". If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then his activism isn't "in the past" is it ? This ban does not appear to have been thought through in anywhere near as much detail as such a ban being introduced at this particular time of year and with a new head of NE in place should have been. Smacks of immediate impact activism for me. I didn't have much time or respect for NE before and now if it's possible I have even less. Chris Packham may have won his little battle but at what cost and to whom?

Here is a screenshot of some of the edp article which was quite good actually.

Hi, Malanka was in that flotilla of boats and it was to commemorate the original trespass not to open the broad as it had already been open since Easter Sunday for one week. Immediately after our flotilla had entered processed and left it was then closed again until later in the summer. There is an article with pics and vid on the edp website. I will be including a write up with pictures in my holiday tale. M

Have to sort out all the photos which are on whatsapp, and write the Tale in word add pics and submit... hold your horses man....lol

Go for something with Dextromethorphan in it. It's a psychoactive substance which suppresses the tussive centre in the brain and stops you coughing. NOT to be used with a productive cough .... I get tired of medics saying antibiotics are not effective against coughs, that is a sweeping statement that is only partly true. The truth of the statement is dependent on the underlying cause (the so called aetiology) of the cough. Antibiotics will not help any virally induced cough or any other virus led disease either. However having been unfortunate enough to have contracted bacterial pneumonia twice in the past 12 years, resulting in my lungs filling up and becoming infiltrated with gunk, bugs and generally making me a tad short of breath. In fact the shortness of breath was the reason I went to see the quack in the first place (in Germany), I had had a cold as I usually do and it had gone to my chest as a cough as it usually did, then it died down and just left a little tickle every few hours or so for four or five weeks which was not unusual for me. The shortness of breath was. So I had the visit and the result was antibiotics of "last resort" being prescribed which were absolutely vile but incredibly effective. I felt like a new man, I had just got used to being short of breath. The reason for my post is that UK medics seem obsessed with antibiotic prescriptions and reducing them sometimes at the expense of using their common sense, so much so that my daughter had huge and painful pustules on her tonsils, she also has a history of bacterial tonsilitis and when she presented the idiot still said come back in a week as "it may clear up by itself" if it's from a virus. Heloo history of bacterial tonsilitis? laryngitis? and no thought process. Jesus wept when this guy got his license to practice. We managed to get her treated, I won't say how but the severe infection cleared up in a week of treatment. If the idiot medic was at all unsure of himself (which he wasn't) he could have taken a swab and 48/72 hrs later had a confirmatory diagnosis from the lab. He put my daughters health at risk for policy and he should be ashamed of himself. Policy over ruling common sense seems to be the in thing these days.... Rant over...lol

OK folks, It's now 2019 and too late to finish this particular tale. The next entry will be Easter 2019, much has happened since Easter 2018, both to us as a family and poor Malanka has had her tribulations too, up to and including open bottom surgery of the most invasive kind. All the boat surgery porn is in the restoration thread the "never ending story" for anyone who doesn't know. Things to be discussed and tales told concern: Open house Malanka, new galley try out, under Wroxham bridge with the felties (you'll just have to wait to find out what that means), meeting new friends (Boaters), morning quackers, dinner with Timbo the nun, dog rescue, fumes for fun (yes real smoke), stuck toilet troubles, new propane bottles Grrr, interview at the bridge, Millie and the Autobahn. Most, but not all of these sections will be accompanied by suitable pictures, some by us, some by friends, and some, just to whet the appetite, wait for it, by the BBC and the EDP too. Woo Hoo! OK I have set the scene Tale to follow. Watch this space....

We also cook as our new galley and cooker is super. We even bought a wok to celebrate 🎉. Tim can testify for the food as I fed him last Saturday night, we had a fine time on Ranworth staithe chasing his beagles up and down as one is a confirmed escape artist, as opposed to his dad and his friend ( me) who are both another sort of artist. Lol

We mud weighted with two weights in Womack water to prevent us and some trees getting too friendly. We had to advise two other boats that mooring right next to us on a mudweight was a bad idea. We suggested a separation of 1.5 boat lengths plus ten feet for the rope. Their faces were a picture of how long is our boat and what angle on the rope did you say. We tried to help but they departed. Pity they missed a most pleasant sunset. M

For your first night may I suggest mudweighting but instead of a barbecue first night how about a cooked hot chicken from Tesco😋. Keep it warm in the oven some lovely fresh cobbler or garlic tear and share and a bit salad for the ladies 😂, with a glass or two of fizz. No fuss no worry and some relaxing eating to get you started. There is a lovely spot for it towards Gay Staithe on Barton, on the left or right depending on wind just before you turn. Just an idea.... M

I was told at the time that the police had spoken with him more than once. The idea that nobody who could do something about his behavior didn’t know about it doesn’t wash with me. Same for Cyril Smith. He came to our school regularly and the one where he carried out his abuse was our sister school over the road. We used to have Christmas carol services together. M

Many thanks Roy it was good to meet you also. Fiona went home last weds I am currently floating in Salhouse in the lovely evening after this mornings evil start. we ( boat and me) did the Black horse broad commemoration today was much fun. I am heading home tomorrow afternoon via the Harwich ferry to Rotterdam, I will get home sometime late afternoon Tuesday. Autobahn here we come lol .... Job prospects are looking up again so that’s good. I must say I am very very pleased with what Phil and his boys ( Mostly Roger) have done . She looks super ....

It’s not tarring with the same brush to report truthfully what happend whether that being struck by a hirer or a private boat who may have less experience than anyone in fact. Not discussing things because it makes some uncomfortable is a disaster waiting to happen. There are more than enough issues that should be calmly revealed to the light of day without rancor or fear of repercussions. Being from Rochdale and having gone out with a nurse gf years ago from stoke mandeville hospital where all the nurses knew full well about Jimmy Saville. I think differently than I did years ago. If an irresponsible person hits my boat I don’t care who you are I will write about it. No tar no brushes just facts, however uncomfortable for some that may be. M

Bring back deposits of the cost of the break as they used to be. Then see

John. P,P,P,P,P,P. Everything in this thread is possible, just like the Green Party manifesto it’s all possible. Problem is society has got used to where we are. e.g. I remember as a child chicken was a luxury dish to be savored and then made into soup and stock (which we still do) but nowadays some folks eat the breasts and buck the rest. Everything has become a commodity and traded and developed so as to reduce costs. Without throwing entire countries economies into a downward spiral that would make 2008 look like a minor blip we tinker too much at our peril. Too late is not the time to find out. When I was under ten there was no such thing as a plastic straw, or a prefilled syringe for vaccinations. Cans were for motor oil and if it wasn’t in a bottle you couldn’t have it. Meat came wrapped in brown paper, no plastic bags of any sort. I would happily return to those days but whole generations don’t have the culinary skill to do without their ready meals. In those days 3% of my cohort nationally went to university, now its 30 and the standards are the same.... agggggghhhhh on that one I call BS. In buckets

Over 95% of the plastic in the oceans flows there down rivers in ASIA. So let’s get all aid stopped to those nations that don’t get their houses in order with recycling plastic. Personally I would decimate the arsey farty world of plastic bottled water straight away. use up all the land fill in this country before we go using anyone else’s, there’s only 1000 years worth to go so let’s get started. We should only landfill what we can’t incinerate as they do in Sweden and in Switzerland. when we’ve done that and everything is back in bottles principally made of the material which constitutes 90% of the earth by weight, then we can sit back in our wet little island and watch the rest of the world fight over the next big thing WATER. Can’t make glass without it and lots of it. Then we can watch the world starve due to the ban on the use of fossil fuels in the agro chemicals business. The current dogs breakfast of stupid decisions has got us where we are over centuries it’s not going to be undone in 5 minutes. I personally never understood why we suddenly got given disposable plastic bags in supermarkets. All not having them had forced us to do is actually go and buy kitchen bin liners. Last bit now. Current medical practice CANNOT EXIST without single use plastic disposable items, nor can pharma and biotechnology firms. Answer no idea at the moment... Suggestions pls M