Timbo

I know that feeling..."For sale due marriage, complete set Encyclopedia Britannica. Would suit batchelor!"

Amber leaf Paul, just Amber Leaf... Now there's a suspicious lump in my back garden...Jimmy Hoffa anyone?

Many happy returns...with 'fenders' like that who needs enemies?

£2.3 Million just for the interral.

Archaeologists hat on here....having read the documented research evidence...there is no conclusive proof of identity. All that can be said with any accuracy is that the skeletal remains are those of a male with kyphosis of the spinal column. The individual shares several genetic markers in common with an indirect descendant of Richard...but then so do I, so do most of the members of this forum, the majority of the United Kingdom, Europe, America, the Indian Subcontinent, Australia.... Of course I blame Time Team...'proof positive' is not a phrase that appears in any self respecting archaeologists vocabulary, neither for that matter should 'high status' (use of this particular phrase in my vicinity results in a size 12 boot applied to the buttocks). The reason for my hair loss is the number of reports in the news concerning 'high status' finds. 'A skeleton was found with a 'high status' object among the grave goods, it must be royalty or a warrior'. Err...no! And don't get me started on idiots who suddenly shout 'temple'. The 'boat' found at Wayford Bridge when digging the new road is a good example of this misinformation. Read the archeological report carefully and precisely and we are not talking about a boat. We are talking about a wooden object that left a boat shaped imprint when it was lifted. The remaining timbers did not appear to be from a boat structure. But if you read many modern accounts 'a Roman boat was found at Wayford Bridge'. The Time and Tide Museum at Yarmouth has a whole display on 'The Great Estuary' theory of the Roman landscape of the Broads based on a doctoral thesis written in the 1970's. A large number of organisations continually trot out this theory...'it was all under water you know'. Its all cobblers of course. Want to know approximately what the Broads looked like in the Roman period...well other than the odd river diversion and the peat diggings, very similar to what it looks like now. But this theory is subject to change. You see there is no definitive proof in archaeology because what we know keeps changing, the more we discover and the more we experiment. Now Newton tells us that time behaves like an arrow...it travels in straight lines, so travelling back in time to find out what happened is an impossibility.. Einstein tells us that although time is like a river, speeding up and slowing down as it passes around large bodies, there is no such thing as time travel. Kurt Goedal used Einstein's own theories to prove time travel was possible, postulating that in a rotating universe travel in the direction of rotation would result in time travel. Roy Kerr adds a rotating black hole into Einstein's equations once again confirming the possibility of time travel...so Potter Heigham is 'proof positive' that archaeologists can indeed travel back in time to confirm historical fact. This only occurs in Potter by the way, so hang on while I explain. If you make your way down the straight road, sway to avoid the large bodies of the big boned buggers descending from the charabanc to enter the swirling black hole that is Lathem's you will come across the 14th century bridge over the river of time that is cheek by jowle with the 1920's, 30's 40's, 50's, 60's 70's 80's, 90's and naughties. Wander round the back of Herbert Woods and once again you are back in the 1950's and any minute someone will jump out and shout 'Hi De Hi'. Next time you read or watch an archaeologist mention something is proven...please note it is always a junior archaeologist or an American. The person in charge of the dig will be off camera and would never fall into a trap like that.

Now there's a thought MM, I wonder if there are any plans of the DC working available...starts digging!

You can feel the feathers being ruffled at the UEA Broads Authority from here!

A while back I was trying to discover the origin of the island called the Heater on Barton Broad at the entrance to Barton Turf. The mapping evidence just didn't seem to make sense. The time slot I'd fixed was quite wide of anywhere between 1826 to 1946 to correspond to the Bryant Map of 1826 and the aerial photographs taken in 1946. Fortunately I've managed to get my grubbies on a first edition Ordnance Survey map of the area, mapped between 1879-86. By laying one map above the other the landscape archaeology suddenly becomes more than a little obvious. A 'doh' moment indeed! So taking the extreme dates The Heater dates from he 67 year period between 1879 and 1946. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8abDaua1s8&feature=youtu.be

Not a hat in sight!

I don't think its a forum policy...just the software. Perhaps that is one word we can have un whatever it is happens when the asterix come out? Back to Dolce & Gabbana...I notice Elton was walking around with his sarnies in a D & G bag yesterday. However the BIG news is that I've lifted Dolce & Gabbana fragrance out of the cheap crap suitable for gnat deterrent category after getting a whiff of their new Light Blue Pour Homme Swimming in Lipari Limited Edition. Fantastic fragrance...stupid name!

I have to admit I love driving the road between Wroxham and Stalham...I don't mind the speed restrictions or the cameras. I do object to the half wits I meet on occasion driving at 25 MPH. What's more I can vouchsafe that the tractor drivers I've come across in Norfolk are far better than their Lincolnshire counterparts. In Lincolnshire they will think nothing of driving over five miles without pulling in to let the traffic pass. i am one of those that will complain at the cash cow cameras. Its nothing more than a stealth tax...particularly the one I ran foul of in Norwich, you may have read the thread here, a quick update...I've had my fine refunded! I am all for sensible road schemes, although this is something that does not happen very often in Lincolnshire. I keep close tabs on the statistics for my own road after it was made a cul de sac, and several crossings dotted around the estate on routes that nobody walks on. A little digging on my part found the minutes of the meeting where I discovered the council had claimed too much money from central government and needed to spend £1.2 Million or lose it from next years budget. I noted that the cul de sac was created due to there being 5 accidents in 50 years the most serious being someone losing a wing mirror. Since the the new scheme there have been 12 accidents in 2 years, 9 serious requiring fire brigade and ambulance, 1 where driver had to be cut from vehicle. Add to this a fatality caused by an ambulance not being able to negotiate the new road layout quick enough to gain access to a heart attack victim. With every accident I publish on twitter with the result being a tweet from Lincolnshire County Council saying 'I was only complaining because 5 minutes were added to my journey'! This was deleted, but not before I got a screen capture. Back to Norfolk and other than the aforementioned 25mph numpty my other bugbear are motorcyclists. I've never seen one yet that stuck to the speed limit and rode without putting his or anyone else's life in danger.

Not on the water folks, but on the roads with a new scheme in West Norfolk piloted by Norfolk County Council in a bid to reduce road deaths. The scheme costing £300,000 will reduce the speed limit on country roads from the National Limit of 60mph down to 40mph. In this article in the Norwich Advertiser there is a comment by Dave Stephens, team manager for network management at Norfolk County Council who says "initial analysis suggested the scheme could help realise about £1m in savings in terms of reducing casualty costs". Savings in casualty costs? Savings in casualty costs! This encapsulates something I find abhorrent about modern Britain, responsibility to the community reduced to pounds and pence. Save a life...first! The same goes for the fiasco that is Hinchingbrooke Hospital. To me, there is a fundamental flaw in any ideology that condones the making of profit from a duty to care for members of a community. There is no room for profit in caring, and no room for care in profit making. They are mutually exclusive. I realise that there has to be a 'bean counter' involved in the process somewhere but 'savings in casualty costs' for God's sake? Rant over.

"New evidence has shown that the toxins produced by this alga are induced by physiological stresses, such as nitrogen and phosphorus depletion" Wiki Isn't nitrogen and phosphorus the chemicals that they try to remove from the Broads when they 'clean' them up like at Barton? Or am I being really thick tonight?

There is something that is getting bigger. There has always been the occasional big one, but today, on average, they are bigger than ever. So big are these things that they are considering bringing back an almost forgotten institution to handle the enormity of the scale. So long are these things that they are considering cutting them in half. Of course I am talking about films here. I overheard that one film company is considering putting the 'intermission' back into the film! I liked the intermission. A recent visit to the cinema to see the final part of the calamity that was the Hobbit made me realise just how much I miss the intermission. Backside aching, back aching, and faced with a plot that had no resemblance to the story...I went for a walk...nipped downstairs, out of the cinema, nipped two doors down, had a pint and a smoke and returned to my seat in the cinema having missed nothing that could be contributed to Tolkien in any way.

On two occasions I have tasted Costa Coffee. The first occasion was in York. Having spat the noxious effluvium back into the cup I did a quick internet search to locate any colonic irrigation clinics nearby...just on the off chance the coffee grounds were being doubly recycled and waste product was being pumped from the clinic back into Costa. It was not until I was forced to sample Costa again, in Norwich, that I realised the plain horrible truth. Costa Coffee is in league with the Broads Authority! All this gumf about cleaning Barton Broad...when in reality all the crud was being sieved out, supplied to Costa who then serve it back to the public as a warm, brown beverage resembling coffee. By a little management and some luck I managed to spill half the Broadland Mud sold to me as coffee and....I kid you not...at the bottom of the cup I discovered Nelson's hat! Proof positive! Last week in our local Indian restaurant the waiter handed me the coffee menu which proudly proclaimed 'We serve Costa Coffee'. Even after consuming a Phall and most of Uncle Albert's Vindaloo I could not be persuaded to drink Costa...no matter the abuse my taste buds had suffered at the hands of the Birmingham cuisine, I'm daft but I'm not that daft. Now a Costa at Potter would be a good idea...as it would avoid having to use lorries to transport the dredgings by road...just pump them straight into the Costa. And while I'm at it....don't buy those blue chocolate slushies close to a boatyard with pumpout facilities!

Ok folks I'm quite torn in this argument. My jeans and t-shirt are by primark...underwear probably by skidmark...but my fragrance... Today is Tuesday which means it's Green Irish Tweed (known as GIT by me) by Creed. (Same fragrance worn by George Clooney). My collection of fragrance includes Viktor and Rolf, Chanel, Tom Ford, Gucci, Dior, Hermes...cheap rubbish like Armani and Dolce Gabbana are saved for when I'm on the boat (Gnats hate D&G). Of course I have the advantage that my other half is a perfumer by profession or to be exact what is known as a 'nose'. She is able to distinguish by smell, not only which fragrance you are wearing but also its ingredients, both ancient and modern formulations. She knows the history of any given fragrance, how it is formulated, by whom and for whom. In fact she both lives and breathes fragrance. Consequently my collection grows steadily, fragrance is thrown away when its sell by (or sniff by) has expired and replaced with a new bottle if I like it or a new fragrance if I don't like the old. This ability of my other half has been passed onto our two year old Granddaughter who is fascinated by fragrance and loves nothing better than an hour or two sampling fragrance with Grandma. Indeed Perfume Grandma and Perfume Girl as they call each other. As for IVF...there are too many children in too many orphanages!

So have I missed something? Has the Broad Shaven closed down again?

This may answer a question I was asked by Maurice Mynah. I have it on good authority that Royal Tudor can make it under...given a really really low tide and sufficient people onboard... But then these were taken by Sue the previous owner and RT went under with the help of the pilot... As much as I enjoy confusticating the bobble hatted binocular wielding hedge tremblers I don't think I have the piloting skills or the nerve to attempt the same trick.

As an archaeologist I condemn the notion of destroying our heritage, or worse still selling it to the Yanks...but...when it comes to 'that bridge'...I'm all conflicted...and quite often contemplation of shipping it off to Vegas as a decoration outside a casino can be quite relaxing. A hairdressers at Potter? I'm already imagining the tankers delivering blue rinse on a daily basis!

I knew you were a wise man! You can keep the Frankenstein and Grrr but where's me gold?

I'm with Iain on this one...The only 'professional' software I use that is not open source is 3Ds Max and Maya and they only remain as there is not a suitable open source replacement (Blender is there but it has some serious flaws still). Everything else from scripts, to editing the final movie/effect is done via open source. As for Windows 8...what a pile of useless garbage. Almost as bad as Apple...almost. Best days work I ever did was throwing the Apple Macs in the skip. Reduced the amount of IT support required by two thirds.

Excellent news...now if they would only bring village stockes back into use!

Don't worry at all Alistair. As has been said each boat is fitted with a height plaque next to the helm and the bridges are marked. When crossing Breydon I always telephone the Yacht Station at Yarmouth before I cross. The number will be in your skipper's handbook. When you ring them a kind, calm and helpful chap will ask the height of your boat on the plaque and your position, for example Acle or St Olaves. He will then tell you at what time to move off from your current position and what time to be at Yarmouth for. The Authority Rangers will keep a look out for you as you go through Yarmouth. This is the excellent, first class side of the Broads Authority.

RIP Sir Terry Pratchett one of the greatest writers and philosophers of the modern age. I'll rattle the drawers, fry a sausage...with the special chutney... for you tonight!

I know the Norfolk Boating fraternity is a fashion conscious bunch, what with that French Fashion House La Them's in Potter Heigham and of course Roys in Wroxham, so I'm turning to the forum in the hope of being pointed in the right direction... I need some help with Uncle Albert's Trousers. Now that I'm the carer for the old duffer i want to smarten him up a bit, starting with the trouser department. A couple of years back I made a suggestion that 'while he's on the boat' jogging pants would be easier to deal with. His soon to be ex wife has dressed him only in jogging pants ever since. All well and good but they don't sort of go with his gansey, and RN blazer that he insists on wearing. So your mission, should you choose to accept it, I need to find some easily washed, quickly dried, no ironing required trousers with creases in the leg, preferably with an elasticated waist to accommodate a wide waist and skinny legs, preferably black in colour, that will look appropriate worn with a blazer...oh yes and that damned sailors hat he insists on wearing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFvSovPwmno