Timbo

Don't forget to neutralise with a solution of bicarb afterwards before applying any finish!

I'm not falling for that one Nigel! I can accept you delivering papers when you were nine years old as @Wussername said he was delivering papers for Caxton, but having a bike? It wouldn't be for another hundred and fifteen years until the invention of the bicycle so you must have been walking up them hills or running!

I am not a number, I am a free man! Timbo's been very quiet of late! As many will have suspected Timbo had another stroke. This time matters were complicated by having an infection. The various proponents of quackery have a hard enough time separating stroke damage from my personal brand of idiocy, but throw in some delirium and they were about to give up on me. Fortunately, the old bonce eventually decided to 'kick in' and once again continue normal operations. The world is so very strange and unfamiliar after a stroke. There is a feeling that something is wrong, but you can't put your finger on what? So when I say 'normal operations' I mean slowly cranking through the usual stages of recovery. Stage one involves the return of language. It's difficult to understand me. I slur, I have no intonation in my voice, I have trouble forming the correct mouth shapes when one side of the gob has a severe case of the droop and I swear. Oh boy do I swear. Each profanity naturally slips into a sentence between each word building the rhythm of a sentence with the clickety-clack of a train running over points. I can swear for England and I can swear for Rome. I can swear for Jerusalem and Palestine. But not in that order, because for some reason the first language that comes back is Arabic, followed by Latin, followed by a sprint to the finish between Hebrew and finally English, the easiest language of all. Then one by one each language, with the exception of English, fades to 'read only'. Stage Two is getting my hands to obey instruction. I'm naturally sinister. That's left handed and nothing to do with strapping damsels to train tracks and twirling moustaches. My strokes occur on the right side of my brain which stops the left side of my body from working. Damned handy that is! I get the dropsy. Shards of crockery mount up like archaeological finds. As a smoker of roll ups the minute detail of retrieving a paper, putting tobacco into the paper, separating the strands, inserting a filter tip, rolling the cigarette and tamping the ends, then breaking it down and starting again, serves as good practise for digital dexterity. If you don't get it right there's a scorched earth policy applied to your nasal hairs. Stages Three, Four, Five, Six, seven and eight all have to do with walking, reading, writing, comprehension, memory and social interaction. Anger is the biggest problem. I'm normally a patient, happy go lucky kind of a chap who has a way with words. After a stroke my patience is nil and my anger becomes a white hot fury accompanied with sudden bursts of wordage barbed and pointed. Ellie does her best to keep me calm and motivated and avoid stressors, although sometimes I think she does press my buttons and aim me at some doofus who had it coming. Of course five minutes after I've torn them a new one I will have forgotten about it. Complications. I'm good at complications. Things like visiting an ice-cream parlour after a stroke and catching some bug that eats at your stomach lining so that the medications you take daily eat away at you, causing you to make trips back to hospital and then take even more medication to counteract the side effects of your existing medication. Meanwhile your GP insists on seeing you to discuss your stomach problem. You catch pneumonia as you do after every stroke and subsequent trip to hospital or GP. While reporting your pneumonia symptoms to your GP over the phone he insists you come visit the surgery again even though you tell him that your pneumonia symptoms are similar to Covid-19, but he insists you visit. You visit the GP, get your antibiotics and take them for a week with no change in symptoms. So you ring the GP to get the usual second prescription it always takes to clear your pneumonia. What's that? The GP has Covid-19? I'm at risk and also have to enter isolation? Whaddya mean 'good luck'? Yes, the world is a very strange place. “Who are you?” “The new Number Two.” “Who is Number One?” “You are Number Six!” “ I am not a number; I am a free man! Wait...no, please no, I'm not in Wales am I?"

Very sad news. Thoughts and condolences with family and friends.

“Here you go Nelly or should I call you Glover? Do you want a currant one or one of these nice pink iced ones?” Don't mind me folks, I'm just feeding buns to the incredibly large pachyderm sat in the middle of the room. My word, we've all been busy of late drawing lines in the sand and digging trenches and all over an argument that became facile on the 21st of September 2019. I mean, you did spot that the National Parks, AONBs and The Broads will be administered under an amalgamated US style National Parks Service? “What's that Glover? Yes, the US Service was especially designed to accommodate a wide variety of landscapes, buildings, wildlife and antiquities all with different designations and governed by different national and state legislature. Say again? Yes, that's why you went to visit them. Pardon? You are right you know, they start with the geography and designation. Perhaps that will be why they changed the mapping data sets to reflect the geographic and statutory status of each UK landscape recently? I didn't quite catch that Glover? Yes, the US system is all about access, visitor numbers, protecting landscape and wildlife as a commodity and getting those visitors to pay for access. Oh Glover, I think they'd need to change some legislation to get that through. You know, Sandford and all that? I mean, it's not like central government will be rewriting vast quantities of legislation over the next eleven mon...what, they are? Fancy that!” To be honest, I'd be looking at the designation of the Blue Ridge Park Way and how it fits into the US Service system. I'd also look at how the US service was restructured in the 90's for an idea of how... “What's that Glover? Sorry, yes, you can have another bun. That's right, Glover, they did centralise all policy decisions. Don't forget the marketing! What do you mean 'elephant'? Oh, 'elephant', forget, yes, sorry. But they did go all out on marketing. I remember, I did a placement there for two years. Another bun? Yes, yes, I think you are absolutely right, the chances are they will want to re-brand everything all over again." ...they went about it. Quite a few redundancies in administration departments. Signs advertising the new service all over the place! The marketing machine was phenomenal. Of course, their success in visitor numbers has brought it's own problems with it. Despite an increase in income, maintenance has lapsed, local communities are struggling providing the required infrastructure with municipalities expected to cough up for development. Conservation groups and land owners were really surprised when they had to produce a quota of visitors or cough up the cash to warrant a place at the table. “Say again Glover? Yes, a lot of people did want to have their say on the changes, but you know how the US system works? That's right, if you are not part of the solution then you are a part of the problem. Can you remember that increase in visitors UK central government expected by 2021? Twenty percent you say? Yes, I'm sure everyone in the argument will be able to come up with some alternative, helpful and constructive ideas. They are just a bit distracted at the minute. What's that you say? 'You didn't mean to sit on their football'? To be honest I don't think either side noticed. I'll bring you some more buns the day after tomorrow, be a good boy. Bye Glover!” I've fed the elephant, look after him while I'm gone? If he gets a bit noisy, try reading the pamphlet he wrote to him. I'm off to talk to some people about archaeology being pinched from a National Park, I'll pop in when I get back.

I can remember the Cray Origin 2000 arriving in 1997 and all the cosmologists walking funny for weeks!

Instant coffee, Brian Walden, Israeli Antiquities Authority, American archaeologists, Milk Marketing Board.

At some point...Monty Python's Four Yorkshiremen will rear its head...but although it did cross my mind I present instead a monologue which would often be recited as her party piece by Mrs Floss Couch at the Friday Night Singalong at my local pub. Instead of Karaoke the regulars would either join in with a singalong or perform themselves. It was my job to accompany them as best I could on the piano/organ or guitar. Friday nights would be packed out, great entertainment and great comradeship. There was Fred and Brian who did a Flanagan and Alan routine. They had first met at the invasion of Italy as young men. There was Leslie Garrets (opera singer) Dad who would sing, there was the two young ladies who did the milk round who would learn a new song each week, Hans a German chap who played jazz trumpet who Fred and Brian discovered was manning a machine gun shooting at them at a particular town in Italy...they became the best of friends, there was a number of ladies of a 'certain age' who sing to their husbands, one chap would play the zither, another chap did the best Peter Cook and Dudley Moore impersonations I've heard, Jock in his eighties would come and play jigs and reels on his button accordion, one guy would turn up and play the 'shadows' on his electric guitar, another old guy would tell jokes and make everyone laugh until their faces hurt. It seemed as though the villages and towns were all turning up to do their party piece but sharp in my memory was Flossy Couch, matronly, prim and proper, who after a few too many dry sherries one night performed her party piece in her broad Yorkshire accent, so serious... I'll never forget that first day at t'pit. Me an' mi father worked a 72 hour shift, then wi walked home 43 mile through t'snow in us bare feet, huddled inside us clothes med out o' old sacks. Eventually we trudged over t'hill until wi could see t'street light twinklin' in our village. Mi father smiled down at mi through t'icicles hangin' off his nose. "Nearly home now lad", he said. We stumbled into t'house and stood there freezin' cold and tired out, shiverin' and miserable, in front o' t' meagre fire. Any road, mi mam says "Cheer up, lads. I've got you some nice brown bread and butter for yer tea." Ee, mi father went crackers. He reached out and gently pulled mi mam towards 'im by t'throat. "You big fat, idle ugly wart", he said. "You gret useless spawny-eyed parrot-faced wazzock." ('E had a way wi words, mi father. He'd bin to college, y'know). "You've been out playin' bingo all afternoon instead o' gettin' some proper snap ready for me an' this lad", he explained to mi poor, little, purple-faced mam. Then turnin' to me he said "Arthur", (He could never remember mi name), "here's half a crown. Nip down to t'chip 'oyl an' get us a nice piece o' 'addock for us tea. Man cannot live by bread alone." He were a reyt tater, mi father. He said as 'ow workin' folk should have some dignity an' pride an' self respect, an' as 'ow they should come home to summat warm an' cheerful. An' then he threw mi mam on t'fire. We didn't 'ave no tellies or shoes or bedclothes. We med us own fun in them days. Do you know, when I were a lad you could get a tram down into t'town, buy three new suits an' an ovvercoat, four pair o' good boots, go an' see George Formby at t'Palace Theatre, get blind drunk, 'ave some steak an' chips, bunch o' bananas an' three stone o' monkey nuts an' still 'ave change out of a farthing. We'd lots o' things in them days they 'aven't got today - rickets, diphtheria, Hitler - and my, we did look well goin' to school wi' no backside in us trousers an' all us little 'eads painted purple because we 'ad ringworm. They don't know they're born today!!!

Now this is a thought provoking thread! From being a kid I've always looked forward rather than backwards, which some think is an odd way to be for a historian and archaeologist. 'Learning' has always been a personal motivator. If something peeks my interest I will research the information and learn the skills, which is why the things I 'miss' are quite odd on occasion. I miss hedges that are cut and laid properly and dry stone walling. A really odd thing I miss is 'formal clothing'. I was recently asked to teach a group of twenty somethings how to dress formally, what shoes are appropriate and how to clean and polish their shoes. I don't know whether I was more bemused that the twenty-somethings didn't know how to shine their shoes or that the forty and fifty-somethings wanted to enforce a dress code when they themselves didn't know the difference between an Oxford and Derby shoe, what a double cuff shirt was or which knot to use with which tie. To be honest, I was with the kids. Having said that, I miss the social opportunities to dress formally outside of funerals...I am getting a bit fed up of funerals!

Thanks Guys! I'm pleased it is of natural origins! The rest of the lodge initiation committee?

Possibly one for Grendel? There is a very bright light, sitting stationary midpoint in the sky at 285 degrees west of my location. Which planet is this? Or is this the return of the Finningley UFO after thirty years?

If it's at Reedham...then it's a 'Beware of old Wussername sitting on wall!' sign.

The memorial hits close to home for me. I had great aunts and uncles, survivors of the camps, who still bore their tattoo. Some of my uncles had joined the army to fight only to be sent to concentration camps after they were captured in action. I've written regularly on this forum about a dear family friend, 'Uncle' John, and his antics on The Broads. As a sergeant in the RASC he was one of the machine drivers at the liberation of Belsen. We remember those who died, but also those who fought and died so that the like should never happen again.

There is a rumour going around that Griff has annexed it as an official part of Yorkshire!

Girlington. I used to enjoy walking past the very first Morrisons shop which had been preserved and painted up in the original colours although the windows were boarded at the time. Sadly, last time I took a look the cityscape had changed so much I couldn't recognise the location and I think the original has either been demolished or is now once again a small corner shop, but no longer a Morrison's shop.

Oh yes indeed! I thoroughly enjoyed that! I' was waiting for a 'make it so' to totally make my day, and there was two 'iffy' CG effects, but finally...so far...Trek worth watching!

Just returned from an extended jaunt with the beagle brothers through the woods. I noticed last week that the narcissus and daffodils are already pushing their way through and some are almost ready to open!

Royal Tudor/ Timbo, Dylan & Toby + Surprise Mystery & Celebrity Guests

I like to keep the mod and tech teams on their toes and they worked through the night and lunch breaks to get things going again as fast as they could for which I am very grateful.

Speakers' Corner is in the main forum Poppy.

Evening Vaughan. No, that would mean I would miss out on our chinwags and that rather excellent wine you have on board! NorfolkNog has the hit the nail squarely on the head. There's a whole world of paperwork between 'we are meeting up for a pint and incidentally we are members of the NBN' and 'we are members of the NBN and are organising to meet up for a pint'. By the way, anyone up for a pint in the next couple of weeks? I've not had one since before Christmas. Just one more operation to go on Friday...send me a pm or I will post in the out and about thread my whereabouts when I get to Norfolk. I'm not all that keen on paperwork, and can do without it but if it has to be done, then it's going to be done correctly. Some good ideas for some official meets on the Southern Broads there JM. All we need now is for some lovely volunteers to step up and help organise them for next year!

The NBN Spring Meet is in it's current location in order to accommodate those attending by boat, both owners and hirers, as well as people attending who are camping at the venue and those requiring disabled access. The object is to give access to the event to as many members as possible. The dates were chosen to allow inexpensive boat hire and to allow families with children to attend. Year on year the event is increasingly popular and I'm looking forward to this years fun and games. It would be wonderful to be able to just say 'we'll all meet here for an informal gathering'. Unfortunately any meeting or gathering under the auspices of the NBN organisation using the facilities of our organisation, be that the name, the website or Facebook group as a means of communication and coordination or any of our resources such as the marquees etc, whether described as an 'official' or 'unofficial' event for the benefit of our members would leave our organisation open to liability. Limiting that liability is part of my job as Chairman working with our insurers to ensure we follow all applicable legislation, rules, regulations, amendments and codicils that apply to our organisation and its events. In order to comply with the terms of our insurance anyone organizing an event will have supplied their full name and address, details of relevant qualifications and have undergone a DBS check and safeguarding training to comply with safeguarding regulations. Before any event takes place written permissions, detailed plans, confirmation of notifications to authorities and a full risk assessment have been obtained, completed and submitted to the relevant authorities and our insurers. It's a headache, a pain in the backside, takes a lot of time and effort but it has to be done. Members on the Events Committee work extremely hard to get the job done. There are no short cuts, particularly when I'm the chairman and it's my name on the dotted line. All of this is why the events team start planning the next event even while the current event is underway. I have no objection and would be pleased if members wish to look into the possibility of a meet on the Southern Broads in 2021. We have many members, both hirers and owners, who are based in the south. Many of us based in the North already attend the events of other organisations on the southern Broads in the summer and autumn...some of us take our time getting there and even longer getting back but save on fuel while doing it! However, potential locations will need to have access for all members to the event and any and all legalities will have to be addressed. Anyone wishing to volunteer to help organise an event on the Southern Broads, or indeed join in with the organisation for all NBN events please drop me a note via PM with your details and we can start the ball rolling.

With my sensible head on for two seconds... At the symposium on conservation and management of wetland habitats held in Riga back in 2017 we were discussing the imprecise nature of STEAM as a tool for modelling tourism particularly sustainable tourism. Economic impact modelling is but one measure. It's a bit like the betatmax and VHS argument. Betamax is the better format, VHS is cheaper to knock out and more popular, yet on the horizon is the DVD, Blueray and online streamed content that will give you the content you are looking for when you want it. Many delegates were inquiring after better modelling tools.

I know what you mean SP. You'd never catch me hanging around with these ex university graduate types!

I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their contributions to the Norfolk Broads Network this year. Our sponsors for helping to keep the lights on. The management team for making sure the bills get paid and I'm behaving myself, the technical team for making sure that everything is running smoothly, the moderation team for keeping all of us on our toes and behaving ourselves. Last, but certainly not least, each and every member that posts, reads and enjoys the forums, meetings, get-together's and work parties, it just wouldn't be worthwhile without you! I wish each and every one of you a happy, peaceful and prosperous new year and I hope to see you out on the water to make more fabulous memories very, very, soon. Timbo, Ellie, Gracie, and 'the boys'!