Timbo

Thanks Tom. Members should note that there's a very good reason for the inclusion of the 'no naming and shaming' policy in the NBN's Terms of Service. Several good reasons, but first and foremost of these are the sub justice rules of the UK by which our organisation can be found to be 'in-contempt' for interfering with legal proceedings in the UK. "There is no exhaustive list of what constitutes "legal proceedings" but it includes, for example, the main courts: Magistrates' Court, County Court, High Court and also Inquests, Military Courts and Industrial Tribunals." Statutory contempt law bans the media (The NBN forum is classed as a 'publisher' under the law) from publishing or broadcasting, including on the internet (which is us), any comments or information that might seriously prejudice active legal proceedings. In short, once legal proceedings become "active", it is a criminal offence for media organisations (which again is us) to broadcast material which would create "a substantial risk of serious prejudice" to the proceedings. Criminal proceedings become "active" as soon as one of the following has occurred: a person is arrested, a warrant for arrest is issued, a summons has been issued, or a person has been charged, and they remain so until such time as the accused has been acquitted or convicted. Who can be prejudiced? Jurors, witnesses and magistrates. Liability for statutory contempt is 'strict', which means that our knowledge or intention is irrelevant, as is the fact that no actual prejudice was caused in a particular case - the risk of prejudice is sufficient. If contempt is committed intentionally, however, it would be punished even more severely. Contempt of court is a criminal offence and carries severe penalties: an unlimited fine and/or up to two years imprisonment of the relevant personnel responsible for the offending publication or broadcast - normally the Editor or in our case ME. So please report incidents to the correct authority, send them your witness statements and photographs but please do no post them here as it makes their job and mine harder. Although members have offered to knit us a cake with a spanner in it, Ian and I would rather not do a stint in pokey as he snores, I have a flatulence problem and the squabbles over who gets the top bunk would be interminable.

When it comes to historiography (the study of the study of history) there are two theories as to the nature or shape of history. From the earliest times history was thought to be circular, people and events constantly revolving and repeating over and over again. Since the development of Christianity the thought has run that history is linear. You start at the beginning and work your way to the end. Let's face it, you can't sell tickets to the big hurrah if history is circular. As a historian, I'm with the Egyptians who used the dung beetle to depict the cyclical nature of history. Same doodah, different day. So what prompted Timbo's brain towards thoughts on historiography this morning? It was Google Photos sending me a reminder of the pictures I took on this day three years ago. Then, as now, I was reorganizing my shed.

TML's new restaurant 'Not Poodle' opens this Saturday, special offer one for the price of two!

No Gainsborough Girl?

So after days of rain I get a nice hot day. It's too hot. Too hot to work in the shed, I'm getting burnt in the sun working outside and Dylan the beagle just had a seizure more than likely a result of him over heating. We are all now in the shade with a fan blowing on beagles. We have had a chance to experiment with cat deterrence. Water pistols are good fun. Beagle deterrence works partially but I have found the ultimate anti crapping cat system. It's so easy, does your garden good and helps getting rid of kitchen waste. I read a report on this site which gave me my ultimate solution. Having deployed my system I have been monitoring all offending cats and refining my system. Results are astonishing and I'm having so much fun dictating the behaviour of the cats in my neighbourhood and restricting their movements to the gardens of their owners almost invisibly. The trick? Used coffee grounds! Collect your used coffee grounds and sprinkle them on your garden. Get a good mulch on well used cat paths. It will stop kitty dead in his tracks as he doesn't like getting coffee grounds on his paws. After a few days start to lightly sprinkle coffee grounds anywhere you don't want kitty to go, such as your lawn, under windows and under your car. Within a few days kitty is so sick and tired of cleaning the grit from his paws that liquid coffee can be sprayed on the ground and kitty will not pass as he now associates the smell of coffee with grit in his paws. It's the caffeine equivalent of the Smartie Tube! I'm just popping the kettle on for a Java Jive, so I can sit back, sip my coffee and listen to the neighbours moan about their cats and complain about the amount of money they are having to spend on cat litter recently.

The beagles are chipped and tagged. One side of the tag has my phone number, the other side of the tag has the boats name and registration number. Being beagles, they have the potential to follow a scent wherever it will take them, although for beagles they are very well trained so will be off their leads if on a walk. You do have to keep an eye on them on the boat if you are moored up as they are great escape artists as the skipper of Malanka can vouch!

You are not breaking the law Griff. Just like face masks there are exemptions. " Emergency rescue dogs and registered guide dogs are exempt, as are dogs being used by a member of HM Armed Forces, the police or HM Customs and Excise. Sheep and cattle dogs are allowed to work without a collar, and so are hounds and gundogs." When Purdy is 'working' you don't need the collar or tags displayed.

Undisputed boat hook wranglers were Uncle Albert and Great Uncle Bert (Lock Keeper on the Stainforth). Watching the pair of them cajole a pile up of Tom Puddings with a boat hook and a fender each to extract black n white beasts (Fresian Cows) that had fallen into the cut was a thing of wonder.

I was very recently advised to wash my new face covering regularly. This is causing me a few problems. I'm putting it on a hot wash and a 1600 spin in my Miele washing machine and I'm using Persil Biological Liquid as the detergent. I've noticed that I am finding it difficult to breath in my mask, I'm getting a red rash all over my head and a severe pain in my neck and lower extremities I wondered if it could be the wash cycle I'was using, so I chose the quick cycle, but at forty five minutes duration, breathing was still really difficult. Now, I am a light and restless sleeper so I do roll over quite a lot in bed but even still, I can't seem to keep up with such an aggressive spin cycle, would it matter if I reduced the RPM to nine or even four hundred? After some research online I did find reference to people getting a skin rash when using various different brands of detergent, although I have a sneaking suspicion that the redness on my skin is more a result of the temperature of the water. Any help and advice much appreciated.

I enjoyed their recent articles on the Abyssinian Wire Haired Tripe Hound. I'd even go so far as to say 'Blamtastic!'

Just one question....what is this 'money' thing you speak of?

New tools! Well, tool, well, sharpening stone! Over the last few years I've developed a weird compulsion to sharpen tools, particularly chisels and plane blades. I usually used diamond stones with a honing guide. For times when I was reduced to one arm and hand in operation or I need to redefine the bevel due to chipping I would use my Trend sharpener. This ingenious device holds the chisel or plane blade at twenty five degrees and allows a small diamond stone held into the carriage by magnets to move across the blade or edge. There is a thirty degree position to allow for the addition of a secondary bevel. My diamond stones ranged from one hundred grit to one thousand grit. There's sharp and there's Timbo sharp. But with the addition of some new Japanese water stones up to eight thousand grit, there's now Timbo Super Sharp! A few touches on the three thousand grit, a polish on the eight thousand grit and a final strop on an old leather belt and I just have to show the chisel to the wood and the mortise almost cuts itself! Who needs a telly when there's stuff to be sharpened?

The price of beagles has also sky rocketed during lock down. I've been approached a couple of times by people wanting to either buy the Beagle Brothers or enquiring about puppies or putting them out to stud. Two incidents stick in my mind, the most recent was a young couple asking if they could have a puppy from the litter. "What litter?" the one that one is going to have pointing at Dylan. "What Dylan?" Dylan looks at me and then gives the couple a hard stare while I explain the facts of life to the couple. "I think you are going on a diet baggy bum!" I tell Dylan who 'rrooos' at me in complaint. (Beagles don't bark they 'sing' except for Toby who barks...cos he is weird!) The first incident caused me to go 'all out Yorkshire' on the woman who asked 'how much do you charge' while I was walking the boys through the woods. "Eh?" "I said how much do you charge?" the woman repeated. "What for?" "As a stud?" The woman made suggestive movements with her hips. I went full Donny. "Me or 't dogs Mrs?" "The DOGS you fool!"

Someone on a bridge at Rawcliffe, Griff.

Wishing you good luck VC. I have COPD and a heart condition as well. They will always treat the heart condition first as changes to your COPD can be a result of your heart condition. There's always the point that you can wheeze for a considerable time but if your heart stops its game over. That's how my GP explained it to me anyway. I always keep a 'go-bag' at the ready with spare dosettes of my medication, and anything I might need while in hospital...like a chest hair trimmer to stop me coming out looking moth eaten. I always take a notebook to write down any temporary changes in my meds for my pharmacist to give the once over. There have been several occasions when the pharmacist was the first to spot a med change that was the root cause of one of my other symptoms. I also write down any specific questions I might have about my treatment and tell the doctors and nurses that I am 'concerned' and would like my specific questions answered. From experience, I've found that if I write the question down it tends to get answered. If it doesn't then I wait for the 'big-wig' to make his rounds and specifically interrupt him with my question. If he doesn't answer me there and then, one of his juniors will be detailed off to find an answer.

What has a hazlenut in every bite, Smooth milk chocolate for your delight, Nougat and caramel golden light, And don't forget the hazelnut in every bite?

Oh hell, he's got the munchies!

Hedgehog stroganoff?

When it comes to face coverings...I've got the best! It arrived in the post today and works a treat. Internal mask which takes five ply filters. Nose band to stop the old goggs from steaming up. Bandanna ties at the back to ensure it stays on Stops sawdust from shooting down my shirt. Personalized embroidered slogan! Polly you are a GENIUS!

The Big Big Firkle is unearthing artifacts that demonstrate my ancestors were woodworkers of some merit. Its also unearthed an artifact that demonstrates either my lack of natural ability or the faults of the education system in the 1970's and 80s to teach the very basics of woodwork. The first artefact, difficult to miss as it is jammed into my bedroom at the foot of my bed, is a chest of drawers. These were made by my great great possibly another great Uncle who was apprenticed as a cabinet maker to the Rothschilds family in the 1830's. They were one of his apprentice pieces and were given to my great great, possibly another great, grandfather as a wedding present. Handed down through the generations (with some butchery by Uncle Albert who changed the original brass knobs for some cheap plastic knobs and then some wooden ones) until they landed with me. They seem to be mahogany with an oak or beech frame and drawer bottoms and sides. I understand my ancestor worked making furniture for the servants and repairing damaged furniture for the main houses. At the side of the chest of drawers is a blanket box made by my maternal grandfather. In his youth he had worked on the family farms until a disagreement with his father over building a concrete floor in the piggery while the farmhouse still had dirt floors caused him to leave the farms to work down the mines. Woodwork and oil painting were his hobbies and I can remember my Grandmother leaving him an allowance for him to buy his tobacco, timber, tools or paint and canvas each week. As a treat I would be allowed to go with Granddad to the 'wood shop' and 'paint shop'to 'help' bring back his purchases in the large wooden wheelbarrow he had built. By helping I mean I rode there and back in the wheelbarrow the instant we got out of sight of Grandma in the house. Sadly Granddad suffered from dementia so by the time I was old enough to learn his skills he was unable to pass them on. Still, I think some of those skills were handed down genetically as I enjoy painting and woodwork. The blanket box is made of pine and beech I believe. The panels seem to be but jointed into the frame, although they seem to have a bevel on those surfaces. The arched central panel of the lid is held in place via a pegged through tenon The carving on the panels is all done by hand. I can remember Granddad spending hours sharpening his chisels and gouges before taking off his thick 'miners belt' and stropping the tools on the inner side of his belt. The patina in the finish I know was done with oil paints under the varnish as I watched him squeeze burnt umber onto the box. My granddad made my bedroom furniture for me as a kid. The bed, the bookcase and wardrobe. I still have my bookcase, sadly now painted white thanks to an ex wife who decided she had a penchant for decorating. Frank Lloyd Wright would have labelled her an 'inferior desecrator'! Next I've got a 'jewellery' box made by my paternal grandfather. A lift up lid and two drawers I'm told it's been 'repurposed' from an old cabinet they were chopping up for firewood during the war. I keep Uncle Albert's medals and watches in it for the moment. I'm responsible for painting the handles, badly, with silver paint when I was ten and allowed to decorate my own bedroom. Last and certainly least is something I discovered in one of Uncle Albert's boxes of junk. It's my first ever woodwork piece done when I was eleven at school. I never realised the old boy had hung on to it. This was the test project that would decide whether we were allowed to be in the woodwork class or whether we were put into the 'mixed craft' class. Mixed craft was where the, and I'm quoting the woodwork teacher here, the 'idiots, insane, come to nothings and sons of social workers' were placed. I loved woodwork! It was exciting, it was interesting but...as the son of a social worker I was doomed from the word go to the mixed craft group. We were never told what the test piece was supposed to be. We were told to use this tool or that tool to do each step, but never why or how. We were told to mark and cut a mortise but were given exact dimensions...which were wrong and the purpose of the wedges were not explained until the day we fitted them. We were given dimensions for the dowel and the peg which again were wrong. I was totally and utterly disillusioned. Mixed crafts involved the use of wood, metal and plastics. Our lessons, with a different teacher, involved the students copying word for word and picture for picture descriptions of different tools from a book written in the 1930s. Initially our teacher gave us demonstrations on how to use tools like the bandsaw until he cut his finger off explaining why we had to use the guards on the tools. From that point on we were told to 'go away and make plenty of noise'. This was to cover up the teacher spending his time and the school's resources building a miniature working steam train for his garden railway. Ah well! Perhaps I should recreate some of those school projects to see if I have taught myself anything over the past forty years? Here's my project.it's a hat and coat hook in case you don't know!

The Big Firkle continues and has moved on to my bedroom where I was keeping some of my Granddad's old woodworking tools. I've decided I'm going to restore them to be used rather than gathering dust. First off, his old bench planes. I'm just going to clean them with some meths, then square the sole and sharpen the blades. But I'm saving those for last. Right under the bed, I found the old boy's mallet. This is taking me a bit of time and effort to restore. I can't get the head to separate from the handle. I tried WD40 and some mole grips but it won't budge. I've tried tapping it on the bench but it still won't budge. So I'm soaking it in petrol, meths and vinegar overnight and will give it a good go on the grinding wheel tomorrow!

Tsk! Tsk! All, and I mean all boating clobber for the dapper gentleman afloat is bought from two places. The first is a French company called La Thems. They did a good line in fold down Compo wellies last season and even sold marker pens so I could put the 'L' and 'R' on them. Lulu and Selsey will attest to the fine 'Heftybag' dancing trousers I purchased from their last year's line. If you require something more 'dressy' then Roys at Wroxham do a very good range in clothing and footwear 'off the peg' for the power dressing octogenarian looking to recapture the feel of the 1970's! I buy all my workshop winter hoodies and work shirts from there!

Aha! I think it's from the back of the bench sander. I don't think I've ever fitted the thing! That's a fence I bought to upgrade my £99 Screwfix table saw. Cost just a little bit more than the saw did and is a very good fence. I hung onto it when I got rid of the Titan saw. I need to buy some T track so I can use it as a fence on my band saw. I think it's an Americanism that's passed into common usage OBB. My next door neighbour who was a carpenter always used to have a go at me for calling my table saw a 'table saw' which he said was the American term. According to Barry it should be called a bench saw in English. There's not much that our transatlantic cousins do right but woodworking tools is one of the things they do really well. There's many a time I sit and drool at the availability of quality tools and timber across the pond.

'I've got too any tools!' said no woodworker ever. Well not out loud. Well, not out loud to his Mrs anyway. But I do seem to have such a lot of tools. So many tools that my seven by eight foot shed cannot cope with the amount. So many tools that my eight by seven foot shed and my study is having a hard time accommodating everything and leaving enough room to work! You know you have a woodworking tool addiction when you discover brand new unopened boxes of tools that you bought two years ago! I mean, I can't even remember buying these! Hang on, were they a resent? I dunno, but if I'd known I had them I would have used them on a couple of projects I've been putting off until I had the tools to do the job. So we have a circle jig for my router and a panto-graph for my router. A massive spot of firkling today. I raved out all of the tools and machinery from the shed and turned my bench to sit lengthwise along one side of the shed. I then butted up my drill press station to this. I now have much more floor space or I would have much more floor space if Dylan had not decided that the shed was now a suitable place to park his ginger beagley butt. Next I went through all of my power tools and sorted out those that I use daily from those I might use on an occasion when the setting sun clips the horn of a unicorn. I then sorted out those tools that I only use on the boat. The boat! The boat! For every tool I have here I have duplicate, and in the case of orbital sanders a quintuplet, sat in the narrow space behind Royal Tudor. Oh lummy! Quickly I knocked up some rough shelving in my study to store things like the biscuit jointer, spare orbital sander, a jig saw or two, small circular saw, large circular saw, heat guns, multi sander, micro sander, spray gun as well as my collection of camera tripods, sliders, jib crane, steady cam and Uncle Albert's fishing rods. Onto the study floor went the mortiser, the cross cut saw and stand. I found my rocking horse from when I was a nipper...that can go for Arlo to ride! With all of the seldom used power tools and spares out of the way, I really did have a lot more room in the shed. I had space to store the jointer and the planer. I put the sander onto a set of wheels and the scroll saw now had a home under the bench. I found a box of 'stuff I don't use/don't know what it is but is too useful to throw away. Does anyone have any idea where this metal thingy is from or what machine have I not fitted it too? I found my old bench vice. I was lucky enough to be given an older but bigger vice by a neighbour but I have a job in mind for the spare vice now...who said I have a lot of vices? Things brings me almost to my latest shed based projects. This will be a three item project. I need to build a tool cabinet to store all of my tools. I'm also going to build a matching cabinet for my drill bits and router cutters and finally I'm going to build a Japanese style portable tool chest to transport tools down to RT and back again. For the minute though...I'm still firkling as I seem to have made more mess than I've tidied up!

Old Coots Club for...half an hour every other Thursday, after Chiropody clinic, if we've done our chores and we have permission from the wife/matron /governor and it's not too hot or too cold or unless there's one of those Inspector Montalbanos on telly or some mountebank wants to conduct some quackery on us!