Timbo

Wayford bridge does have good WiFi...even better outside Tesco in Stalham!

I heard Iain was an expert on piles...owing to all the loot he has stashed under his mattress. Of course it's all in penny pieces...but Gracie did say when you see him you can see where the end of his nose brushes against the artex on his ceiling when he climbs on his hoard!

It's no wonder JR Hartley ordered his book by phone...or that it was delivered in a plain brown wrapper...but then maybe the young lady had trouble with her pole elastic and therefore cannibalized her knickers for a replacement?

Text conversation between me and my housekeeper, who puts things in safe places, the other week. What the hell have you done with my false teeth? They are in a safe place. Where? Can't remember but they are safe. Give me a clue as I'm getting ******* hungry! Did you know Terry Wogan's dead? Has he got my teeth? Who? Terry bleedin Wogan! He's dead. I know. Where are my teeth? Try the kitchen cupboard next to the beetroot.

Dylan and Toby were both chipped at 8 weeks old. I would recommend those that have their dogs chipped check that the register the chip was recorded on is still in existence. Toby was the eldest lads dog and was registered initially at another vet, before he came to live with me and his littermate Dylan, and the register used is now defunct. A simple, but pricey..chip company charges not my vet, job to re register his chip with the service my vet uses. A double attack of the Ginger Peril forced me out of bed at 6am that morning!

Apparently while on his travels he discovered the seedier, rock n roll lifestyle of the drug culture. Faced on his return by a doppelganger his drug addled mind could not cope and Gracie thought it kinder to rename him. I did suggest Bowie Beetle but Grace said that was 'silly Timbo'. So Billy it is!

Billy Beetle Comes Home! Thanks everyone for your help. A new batch of beetles arrived the other day, however news of a momentous nature as the day after the new beetles arrived...Billy Beetle came home! After a search of TubeFace I located Billy nestled in the pocket of a coat for sale...funny that! Thanks again for everyones help.

That be the River Smale Just upstream of How Hill.

Thanks guy's you are brilliant! As they say in musician's circles 'that's near enough for jazz' Paladin. I've ordered a box of 10 unfinished jitterbugs so I can break out the paints and varnish to make a close enough match to the abducted 'Bertie Beatle' as I can, and Gracie can help me paint Billy, Basil, Bosworth, Boris, Betty, Bob, Barney, Beatrice and Bartok (The Balalaika Bug). I think Bertie may have been christened as I'm reading Wodehouse at the minute. But then it could be our Gracie as she tends to drag weird names out of the ether. As to who would steal a little girl's coat Gracie, you would be surprised. I think it's because we don't stint on things like coats that parents take a shine to the decent coat hanging on the peg outside the classroom. The first thing we do is check FaceTube locally to see if anyone has a remarkably similar 'second hand' coat up for sale. Thanks once again folks for the swift replies.

I'm hoping all the internet savvy forum members can help me track down an item on the internet? I picked my granddaughter up from nursery today and she was distraught. For the second time in as many months some thieving oik has stolen her coat. This is not the problem as I will buy her another one, but what is a problem was the theft of Bertie Beetle who was in her coat pocket at the time. Quite a number of years ago I bought a curio at a craft fair. It was a small wooden, yellow painted 'pear' fruit. The pear was hinged and when you flipped the top back it revealed a small highly painted wooden beetle mounted on a very thin dowel inside. The beetle's legs were in turn fixed to the body by very tiny 'curtain hook' type rings which gave the legs the appearance the beetle was moving his legs. I didn't pay very much for Bertie Beetle but he means the world to little Gracie who in true kid fashion was adamant that Timbo would be able to 'find me another Bertie and bring him to me right away'. The problem being I can't find another Bertie online and can't for the life of me remember where I bought him from. Unfortunately I don't have a photograph but would appreciate any help in searching out another Bertie please?

I thought they had 'stumps' in cricket and 'posts' in football? Although it might explain the 'Toon's' current run of form caught in a relegation battle for silly mid off playing like googlies before tea with all transfers decided by a committee and you must have seen the camel which is a horse designed by committee. Personally I'd rather see Boycott playing up front with a few gentle touches from D'oliveira from the wing into the penalty area avoiding the off side trap behind cover.

But they're the only one's worth restoring!

Has anyone ever been sent on a 'snipe hunt'? "Ere lad go to the stores and ask for a long weight!" or "Go and ask for a long stand!" or the many variations of? Of course as a 'perpetual student', in education for about twenty years, I had a long succession of 'holiday' jobs so rapidly got used to being sent on snipe hunts. As a smoker I didn't mind hanging around for a few hours, I'd usually got a book in my pocket for such occasions. Although one summer as a nursing assistant a request to 'go to ward 7 and ask for some 'weird drugs' after I had spotted a bloke in cardiac arrest had me a little unsure. Fortunately, for the bloke, I did hurry along and procured the said 'weird drugs'. This morning I can actually dispel one particular snipe hunt. I received an email announcing the end of the tool sale at Rutlands. On special offer this week is the legendary 'glass hammer'!

Hold hard... " The vessel has been designed to be stable, manoeuvrable and is small enough to navigate the narrower rivers in the area, such as the Chet and Ant." The Broads Authority have bought a vessel fit for purpose? Say it aint so!

Hope you will soon be fully recovered Eric!

What is it about 2016 that it's started by all my heroes shuffling off the mortal coil? First Bowie and now Alan Rickman. My favourite performance of his was Truly Madly Deeply, but he certainly knew how to play the 'baddie'. I remember a story John Sessions told of Alan Rickman at a family barbeque where one of Alan Rickman's young nephew's dared to ask 'why do you always play the villain?'. As nearby adults within ear shot gasped at the audacity of youth Alan Rickman replies 'I don't play villains. I play interesting people!" Sadly it seems we are one more very talented and interesting actor short.

Interesting document here on the waste problem presented to the Navigation committee Waste Disposal Policy nc27021. It appears the Broads Authority already supply a substantial amount of cash to North Norfolk Council for the collection of waste. North Norfolk were also trying to 'sting' the BA for waste charges backdated to 2012, hardly surprising with a Tory and UKIP controlled authority. The greedy, chinless and gormless in charge of the sanitarium. Here's an idea though... Skips that are roughly 3.5 ft wide by 7 feet long by four feet tall.About the same dimension of a settee. According to North Norfolk's own waste charges tariff they will collect 7-9 of these bulky items for £56! So according to the council it costs £6,000 a year for one skip to be emptied 26 times a year yet my idea will only cost £3304 per year with skips emptied weekly.

Now that's what I was thinking, something along those lines. But am I being thick and the basic Jabasco toilets are dump through ones that sit on top of the tank? And may I say what a neat 'smallest cabin on the boat'!

No this is not the latest BBC kids franchise to replace the teletubbies but faced with the 'big push' to finish off Royal Tudor this year I'm now ordering all the bits, components, tools and materials I'm going to need. The first on the list is a new throne for her Royal Highness Royal Tudor. What I'm looking for is a 'dump through' flushing toilet for ease of fitting, but can't seem to find one on the interweb thingy. I did check with the lads at Norfolk Marine but found myself in need of the pot myself when they told me how much the pan was going to be. Has anyone any links to a suitable dump through toilet with tank and all the fittings? Much appreciated! Did you notice how hard I tried to avoid all double entendre?

Now I've thought long and hard about my recommendations for the Top Ten Biggest Waste of Money in Norfolk and Suffolk and here are my recommendations in reverse order Coming in at number two is something that maintains a total waste of not only money but also space and even oxygen... representing the chinless and the gormless of Great Yarmouth, and boy does he grate...it's the Half Wit Housing Minister Brandon Lewis' salary. Yes, when faced with a shortage of public community housing our half wit housing minister spearheads a plan by the gormless and chinless to tear down housing estates and send in the tax evading private property developers. At least there will be plenty of bricks handy when the rioting starts! And at number one...its got to be John Packman's salary. Who can forget such hits as 'The Spirit of Breydon' and 'We are Family of National Parks, but we're not a National Park really' and the timeless 'All in Pursuit of a Knighthood it gives me the Pip Gladys' or the exotic latin rhythms of 'Hey Quango Quango'? And not forgetting his best selling novel 'For Whom the Boat Tolls'

We use the seaweed method, hang some outside the house if its wet...its raining!

Steve I am shocked and stunned you don't know why Bats need bridges...for their Batmobiles of course!

I've just 'disposed' of Uncle Albert's scooter! I was told by the local authority that Uncle Albert had to have insurance for it, However as his scooter was over five years old (although unused for five years) it could not be insured. I won't be providing him with another one. It may infringe his rights MM but getting turfed out of bed when the daft old b****r has fallen out of a boozer infringes on mine...and on yours in the past... a little bit. When Uncle Albert was first diagnosed with diabetes and went onto insulin he felt a little unwell on his drive home from work on the motorway. He pulled over onto the hard shoulder, had a Mars Bar and a lucozade and sat in the car until he started to feel better. The police pulled up behind him and asked what he was doing. When he explained, they charged him for being 'under the influence' while in charge of a motor vehicle. After giving him a ticket they then told him that he should have removed the keys from the ignition and thrown them across the verge.

Trees! I've followed several arguments concerning the removal of upland tree coverage, both historical and modern, as the reason why so much water is going into the 'start' of the river systems. I was a little unsure about this until I spotted what was occurring along my own street. Hooligans building a new school...on the site of an old school....decided that it would be more cost effective to dig new sewers across the medieval ridge and furrow and hack down swathes of woodland to accommodate their diggers...and then to hack down more trees and damage more archaeology because they had dug the trenches in the wrong place...than to find and remove a blockage in the existing sewer system. As I walked the dogs the other day their was a veritable stream of water flowing from the denuded former woodland across the tarmac and down the middle of the road. Water was also freely flowing along the tarmac paths that had been slapped into the archaeology, down the hill and into the new school building. Although an orchestrated equitable approach to drainage and the protection of homes and heritage is what is required I'm afraid we live in a society based on greed, self aggrandizement and self interest. A matter of minutes after CA Moron announced £40M for Yorkshire flood defences we find out the contract has already been given to one of his supporters. With a background like this it's not a case of a choice between protecting 'people' or the 'purple web footed bog wangle' it's more a case of protecting business...or the right business that has made appropriate donations to party funds unless they can be bought off with a peerage. Is it because I've hit the age of 50 that I'm so cynical or have I always been this way inclined?

It seems that when it comes to flood defences and things like dredging the Environment Agency are operating a 'People Before Wildlife' Policy. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-35213310 Wonder if that attitude will catch on elsewhere? No?