If I've posted this here before I apologise, but this is a good thread for it :naughty:
Sailing for Non Sailors
First we need some basic rules:
1. Sailing is more fun than motoring, but only when there's some wind (then it's called 'motoring' or 'drifting' or 'stopped')
2. The main purpose of sailing is to obstruct as many other boats as possible, except when you're tacking (or beating, same thing) which is that zigzag thing we do from one bank to another - then the object is to catch as many fishermen's floats as possible under the boat and break the line. Sometimes you'll see us tacking even when there's no other boats or fishermen. We do that
a) 'cos it's fun,
'cos it gives the crew something to do,pulling all those rope things, and
c) c)'cos it takes MUCH longer to go anywhere that way, so the sailing lasts longer - good, innit?
3. Sorry if we're on the wrong side of the river, especially on blind corners, but a) we do put up a really big stick thing (mast) with a sheet thing (sail) on it, so you can see where we are, and for us there is no wrong side, 'cos we're allowed to go wherever we like - if we have to stay on one side there's usually no wind, so we're allowed to go and find some! (look in the rule book if you don't believe me)
'Course, if you're in a saily boat yourself, it depends if you're on port or starboard, and if you're going the same way as him or the other way, but that's a different story...
Racing
But how do you tell, I hear you ask, who is racing and who is not?
There's another convention: racing boats should be flying a square burgee (flag to stop birds sitting on top of the mast) and non-racing sailing boats should be flying a triangular burgee (ditto).
On the Broads however, this tends to break down because
A.) Most Broads sailors are too mean to buy two burgees
B.) Even if they own two, they are too lazy to swap them over and generally hoist a burgee at the start of the year and lower it at the end of the season.
General observations
Most sailors are a) hungover drunk c) about to get drunk.
When waving back to a yachtsman, count the number off fingers he's holding up when he waves back.
If you see a yacht half buried in the reeds the yachtsman would not be offended if you offered them a tow out - it's probably me.
All yachtsmen are masochists and enjoy being cold, wet and uncomfortable.
Yachtsmen really enjoy the sound that the long wooden thing at the front of a yacht makes when it meets fibreglass
Yachtsmen sail because they can't work out how to drive a cruiser
Yachtsmen are fluent in Anglo Saxon, when racing they forget the English language and only use Anglo Saxon
yachtsmen love nature, this is why we spend so much time in the reeds, stuck on the mud etc
As the heads on most yachts are impossible to use underway yacht crews will usually
use the river, also know as testing the temperature/depth of the river, checking the moorings.
On the other hand it can be viewed as just marking their territory.
:Sailing :hardhat: