My Mate Sent Me This, Words Of Wisdom?

[ranworthbreeze]

Men are just happier people.

 

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

 

Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

 

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

 

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives On December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

 

NICKNAMES

� If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

� If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

 

EATING OUT

� When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

� When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

 

MONEY

� A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

� A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

 

BATHROOMS

� A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

� The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

 

ARGUMENTS

� A woman has the last word in any argument.

� Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

 

FUTURE

� A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

� A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

 

MARRIAGE

� A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

� A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

 

DRESSING UP

� A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

� A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

 

NATURAL

� Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

� Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

 

OFFSPRING

� Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

� A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

 

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

 

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

 

 

 

 

[johnb]

I assume this wasn't put into the Joke Section because it's all too true! 

[ZimbiIV]

Stop watching my life.

paul

[Gracie]

Simple creatures indeed and only one pair of shoes in one colour and for all seasons, how very sad is that!

Grace

[SweetKingfisher1]

2 hours ago, ranworthbreeze said:

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

337 items in the bathroom where the hell would you find somewhere to put all that, well not me, ok I am not a normal female , oh yes 20 items for Ian with all his after shave .

Gracie you will beat me on the shoes line also , because I hate buying shoes .

Regards

Marina  

 

[Chelsea14Ian]

Also I like shopping  Bluewater when I can .Bourgh  market for food .Happy days.Marina does like shopping in Norwich. When we are on our hols in September we call in to Norwich  on our last Thursday.Marinas  bestest  shop is the teddy bear shop

She has a loyalty  card.We often go shopping  in Norwich  anyway being based at Brundall 

[Timbo]

Just totting up my bathroom items...as I'm making myself a French Nécessaire de Voyage...one of these

So in my bathroom there's the...
Tooth Brush
Tooth Paste
Nail Scissors
Nail Clippers
Nail File
Tweezers
Hair Scissors
Brush
Comb
Razor
Clinique Shaving Cream
Clinique facial scrub
Clinique Facial Cleanser
Clinique Moisturiser
Clinique Eye Reviver
Clinique Under Eye Moisturiser

Shower Gel and Shampoos match the day's Fragrance. Spring Season is...
Azzaro Wanted
Chanel Bleu
Creed Green Irish Tweed (my everyday fragrance)
Creed Mayfair
Dior Homme
Dior Homme Intense
Dior Sauvage 
Dolce & Gabbana The One
Dolce & Gabbana Intenso
Prada L'Homme
Tom Ford Extreme
Valentino Uomo
Viktor & Rolf Spicebomb

Hand Cream
Clothes Brush

You honestly think there's room in my bathroom for Ellie to fit her several suitcases of makeup and Fragrance? There's a reason why she lives next door!


 

[Wildfuzz]

My bathroom

1 x toothbrush

1 x shower gel

1 x cut throat razor

 

its all I can fit in between Mrs. W`s "stuff"

[grendel]

Having a beard,I can cut down my bathroom necessities by two items, no razor or shaving cream here.

[Vaughan]

We use two separate bathrooms!