I Aten't Ded

Timbo · February 3, 2018

Moths pirouette in the dazzling light of a genuine 60watt lightbulb as a genuine idiot slides from beneath the pages of the Guardian Newspaper he's been using to keep himself warm. He'd tried other broadsheets but even an idiot has standards. After brushing the ice from the mirror he checks his grey-bearded reflection and adjusts his ginger fur hat before heading to the kitchen. As the electric kettle boils he tries to thaw his fingers with the steam before making coffee. 'My suits are English, but my coffee is Italian' he murmurs as the hot coffee starts to thaw at least a couple of brain cells.

The ginger hat opens one eye, yawns and scratches.
"Ah good morning Dylly the Boat's Beagle! Breakfast?"
At the mention of breakfast, the ginger hat uncoils himself from the idiots head and jumps to the floor where he is soon joined by the idiots ginger vest.
"Ah! Good morning Toby the Boat's Other Beagle!"

In true Looney Tunes fashion, the taking of the morning medication is accompanied by foley of falling anvils of various sizes. The idiot holds up the tenth and final tablet that needs to be taken. It's huge. It probably runs on Android.
"I don't know if I'm supposed to swallow it or shove it?" the Idiot wonders.

Workmen arrive to fit a new boiler. It's only taken them eight days so far!

Heat, glorious heat! The idiot dabs his toes on the radiator to start the thaw while he reads the latest nonsense regarding the marketing of the 'Broads National Park'. Chuckling to himself the idiot picks up the telephone.
"Morning! Do you have the figures from the Israeli Parks and Nature Authority re Beit Guvrin National Park tourism impact on archaeology? Thank you."
"Thanks for taking a look, how's retirement and the boat?"
"Oh it's getting there, can't wait to start work on it again when it's warmer and I can string two words together!"
"You need a holiday, come visit a real National Park!"
"Don't you start!"

I ATEN'T DED
Possibly from the neck up, I am, but I'm working hard on not being. Normal service will be resumed very soon!