Driver To Boat Conversion Guide

[Warp]

Sailing boats are just like cyclists; you are not allowed to hit them no matter how crazy what they are doing is. (Yes they probably do think they are saving the world too.) Fortunately they are a lot easier to spot than cyclists on account of the mast and sails. Like some of the nerdier cyclists they may stick their arms out from time to time, unlike cyclists they probably don't mean that they intend to turn that way, outrageously they probably mean you should turn that way! If you or they don't know what they are going to do next it's best to get over to the right hand bank, slow down and pretend that you are interested in a lesser spotted warbler you just saw.

Drive on the 'right' (starboard) hand side. Boat snobs call this 'passing to port' you know the type, they are the ones that know which way to pass the port at the dinner table, are always asking if you know the bishop of Norwich with a snide tone and then insist on pouring it in your glass! I digress. This does not mean that you must stay over on the right side of the river it just means you should pass other boats as if you were driving on the right hand side. So you can enjoy driving down the middle as if you owned the entire river as the oncoming traffic is closing on you at at most a whopping 12 mph. Parked boats and the grumpy fishermen actually prefer this as they can get on with their 'activities' without being unduly disturbed.

Boats steer at the wrong end. Like fork lift trucks, boats 'oversteer' all the time. Just like driving the infamous German sports car this can be fun but you do need to stay on top of it to avoid 'shaking that ass' into the scenery or other boats.

Not all the bridges are high enough for your vehicle to fit under. They also sneakily change height, something to do with the moon they say. So just because it was fine last time doesn't mean it is this time. You need to figure out if your vehicle will go under a bridge every time you do it. To add insult to injury, some clown has put all the rulers near the bridges upside down. Apparently this is normal for Norfolk. Some bridges are such a liability you have to stop and ask a local to drive for you.

Just like in a car you are not allowed to fish and drive. Unlike a car you are allowed to drink and drive however you should keep in mind that getting out of the car does not usually offer a drowning opportunity, whereas getting out of the boat almost always does.

Grumpy fishermen, try to steer clear of these ones however if you have to use it, you do have right of way and normally you have the right to park where they are fishing. Just don't use it as a last option as they have a nasty habit of keeping a ready supply of strange things to throw at you if you really annoy them.

Parking is a bit more difficult as unlike a car there are no brakes to make it stop or stay where you put it. Before you say it, leaving it in gear doesn't help either. However engine braking does! You should be instructed in stopping and parking when you pick your ride up. Either way you do have to learn and remember to tie it to where you want to find it next time. Just as importantly but more easily forgotten, you need to remember to untie it before you leave. The main thing to remember though is that just like in your car, if you get into a tight spot while parking, flooring the throttle is unlikely to lead to a favourable result.

Speed, just remember why you came; to to take it slow for a bit right?

 

[RobRiley]

They should put this in the guide books

[Polly]

Nice one.  Think Sail! 

[Poppy]

They should offer   to   conversion courses!   

[ExUserGone]

2 hours ago, Poppy said:

They should offer   to   conversion courses!   

They do, it's called a labotomy!

 

Less than a minute for 2 "like" notifications, I must be on to something....

[Gracie]

I think what Pops actually meant was having an aversion to  

Grace

[Bound2Please]

No Darlin more like a having a magnetic attraction to you Grace

[Jim]

On 20/05/2016 at 8:41 AM, Poppy said:

They should offer   to   conversion courses!   

I used to then in 2004 I bought one of these  

[Jim]

25 minutes ago, Jim said:

I used to then in 2004 I bought one of these  

On the other hand, if I could find a cheap Heron dinghy, I could do both (not at the same time of course).  On a recent trip back to my old school, I met the teacher that taught me to sail and once I told him we owned a stinky, he refused to speak to me for the rest of the day (apart from telling me how disgusted he was that I sailed no more lol)

[Guest]

Some good fundamental advice in Warp's OP.

..and I enjoy sailing, motor cruising, canoeing, fishing, cycling, walking, bird watching and driving, and have experienced hardly any confrontation, so the various factions do co-exist happily here on the whole.

[JennyMorgan]

19 minutes ago, Jim said:

On the other hand, if I could find a cheap Heron dinghy, I could do both (not at the same time of course).  On a recent trip back to my old school, I met the teacher that taught me to sail and once I told him we owned a stinky, he refused to speak to me for the rest of the day (apart from telling me how disgusted he was that I sailed no more lol)

Quite right too! Oh, 'spose I had better add one of these: , just to avoid WWIII breaking out

[Jim]

It's all light hearted Peter

[TheQ]

13 hours ago, Jim said:

On the other hand, if I could find a cheap Heron dinghy, I could do both (not at the same time of course).  On a recent trip back to my old school, I met the teacher that taught me to sail and once I told him we owned a stinky, he refused to speak to me for the rest of the day (apart from telling me how disgusted he was that I sailed no more lol)

http://www.heron-dinghy.org.uk/?eprivacy=1

[Jim]

Thanks Q, that brought back some memories.  Capsizing springs to mind!

[TheQ]

We've all capsized a bit, it's just the smaller the boat the more likely it is, and a Heron is Small !!!

 These days, I sail something with a bit of cast iron hanging underneath, but we still manage to get wet boots about  once a year.

[Jim]

All of us from those schooldays who are still in touch remember one particular Heron, aptly named "Yellow Peril" That was the one I went over in and I recall loads of people she tipped in the drink over two years. The mast halyard snapped one day when two guys were on a full blown reach.

[Baitrunner]

All this sailing nonsense. Bah humbug. 

After seeing 2 sailies punting back to base and 1 marooned in mid river on way back into Wroxham on Sunday evening, I am even more put off. They should have taken some spare wind with them!!!

a mate and I many many years ago acquired and old mirror dinghy that needed some tlc on the hull but the sails etc were all good. So we stripped it down and started to prepare the hull with a hot air gun to lift the paint. Those who know the design may also realise this weakens the tapped joints. 

Well marital status changes caused us to stop the refurb and we gave it to a friend who wanted a dinghy to get to his boat on a dry mooring. We told him it needed some work. All he did was fit row locks  

Did he listen? No. 

First time he used it (with a mate who was on the large size). They realised all the joints were leaking half way to his boat. A quick U turn and frantic rowing got them back to shore just before they sank. He dumped it after that!!

and I never got to try dinghy sailing. 

[BroadScot]

9 minutes ago, Baitrunner said:

After seeing 2 sailies punting back to base and 1 marooned in mid river on way back into Wroxham on Sunday evening, I am even more put off. They should have taken some spare wind with them!!!

Indeed, Mark. All sailys should carry a back up supply of wind. The following item should do the trick ! 

Iain 

[JennyMorgan]

When a sailing boat looses its main source of power, wind, most crews, being fairly resourceful, resort to one of the following:a quant, a paddle, a floorboard, the engine, drifting with the tide, mooring at nearby pub, kedging, crew to walk along the bank towing boat, seeking a tow from a friendly 'stinky' (there are a few), whistling for a wind, pumping the sails, take the opportunity to sweet-talk the fore-peak floosy, take advantage of the lull in the wind for a thorough bowel evacuation or quite simply grab a nap and sleep off the lunch-time session. Motor boat owners, on the other hand, having lost power, lift up the floorboard and look helplessly at their inert engines, waggle any and everything that looks waggable and then enter a state of complete helplessness culminating in a panic attack and a call to the Coast-Guard. People who sail are just so much more pragmatic and cool, probably comes from practice!!

[MauriceMynah]

In fairness Peter When the stinkies engine fails ...

...most crews, being fairly resourceful, resort to one of the following:a quant, a paddle, a floorboard, the engine, drifting with the tide, mooring at nearby pub, kedging (whatever that is), crew to walk along the bank towing boat, seeking a tow from another friendly 'stinky' (there are quite a few), whistling for a wind, pumping the sails, take the opportunity to sweet-talk the fore-peak floosy, take advantage of the lull in  the wind breakdown for a thorough bowel evacuation or quite simply grab a nap and sleep off the lunch-time session.

 

[Warp]

Kedging is controlling the boat's navigation using the anchor. For instance the wherrys used to kedge down under the bridges on the ebb to Yarmouth and then catch the flood up the other way.

 

[JennyMorgan]

I had in mind kedging as a means of providing forward motion rather than control, as in warping and kedging:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warping_(sailing)

The other place where such control was used was on the Thames. Many, indeed very many years ago, on BBC TV, there used to be an annual Thames lightermen's match showing large barges being controlled as Warp has described plus the lightermen using large 'sweeps' for additional help. Used to fascinate me.

[JennyMorgan]

Using sweeps on the Thames:

Sorry, no sign of kedging though.