The welfare of a child,advice/opinions please.

[watershed]

My wife and i have(as yet unconfirmed) suspicions that a friend has fitted a lock to the outside of her 4 year old son's bedroom door,apparently because he wakes in the night.

We are not happy and very concerned about this.

If our suspicions are proved correct,what should we do?

Is it illegal? should we get social services involved?

In all other respects,the child is happy,healthy,well fed and clothed.

Advice/opinions welcome

Thanks

[watershed]

Are you really condoning locking up a 4 year old? Nice.

[2poofsandMum]

Is the child waking up and walking about or sleep walking?, I tend to agree with Dajen, and as you have said the child in question is happy healthy well fed and clothed, poss. mum or dad is worried about it little one going walk about in the night and falling down the stairs and braking it neck or worse.

 

Now if he/she looked half staved dirty in rags that would be a different matter

 

Also you say the parent is a friend, so rather than first think about the legality of it or social services,  just ask her why, you can say you don’t feel it right but there probable a  good if misguided reason behind it

[littlesprite]

Unless it's confirmed, there is little you can do and even then tread carefully, try speaking to the friend in a non-judgemental way.
Are they aware of the danger if a fire brakes out, are they doing it to prevent the child falling down stairs (a safety gate would be worth suggesting)
Never involve social services unless you are sure the child is being ill-treated and it's not just a case of poorly thought out safety concerns, as you said in every other way the child seems well cared for,

[Baitrunner]

Until it goes wrong!!

 

Be very careful as to how you heard about this. 

 

I am all for keeping out of other peoples business, but when it involves those who may not be able to help themselves then I would get involved.

 

Just be very careful and make sure you have the facts.

 

Not that I have a good word for them, but I suspect Social Services would be the place to start.

[2poofsandMum]

Are you really condoning locking up a 4 year old? Nice.

That should really read

 

Are you really condoning the unconfirmed  suspicions of locking up a 4 year old? Nice.

[watershed]

So what will your reaction be this evening when i have every confidence that our suspicions will be confirmed?

[grendel]

if they had a stair gate with a lock (and not all stairs can be fitted with stair gates easily) would it still be a concern? a lot will depend upon the reason a lock is fitted, as mentioned it may be a concern for the safety of the child (from falling downstairs) in such a case it is as easily justified as a stair gate would be (in case of fire the two are just as much a barrier, in fact a shut door is a better barrier from fire as it gives extra time for a rescue to be attempted from outside (provided the room has no appreciable fire hazards inside)) if however it is to stop the child wandering into the parents room and disturbing them, a better suggestion would be a lock inside the parents door. If the child is otherwise well looked after I would not worry too much.

I would think it no more illegal than a locked stair gate is.

whether to call social services comes down to the motivation behind locking the door, first get the facts before making accusations I think.

Grendel

[2poofsandMum]

So what will your reaction be this evening when i have every confidence that our suspicions will be confirmed?

 

Personally myself in your situation,  If I found out that what you say is true, I ask your friend (she is a freind after all) out right, why what the reason try and understand the logic behind it, if then it still does not feel right then take things further,

 

But you did say in your own words the kid is happy healthy looked after etc.

 

Watershed this next bit is not in any way directed at you personally

 

 But in today’s age we often hear people say in the old days you could leave your door open all day and night, u know your neighbours, always popping in and out of each other’s houses or checking if popping to town if anyone needed anything, and how we all wish we could go back to these times,

 

Then something like this raises hit head and most people are call social this or that , string mum up, get the law involved.

 

When all that is really needed is a little dialog and 99% of the time it would sort itself out

[johnb]

Without giving personal details, why not call NSPCC and ask for their feelings and advice? I wouldn't use a locked door, as although it may be an extra barrier in case of fire, it isn't always easy to unlock a door from inside the house in case of a fire etc. panic sets in, key could be dropped etc., It sounds as though the parents are doing this for the best of reasons, so if you approach them with an alternative they may well accept your approach in a good manner.

[johnb]

Above composed whilst Dajen's advice posted. Some good advice there

[watershed]

Thanks for all your opinions/advice. Now realise perhaps we are seeing a problem where none exists. Bit sensitive when it comes to child abuse, I had the classic 'wicked stepmother' so have first hand experience! And no,I've not got a 'downer' on step-parents,I'm one myself.

[Gracie]

Totally agree Dave but I do feel uncomfortable with the thought of a lock on a four years olds door. If it's because of sleep walking a stair gate would be a better option in my opinion.

 

If the little boy needs his parents during the night for whatever reason he will not be able to get to them through a locked door.

 

Any one of us can fall victim to a fire breaking out and all manner of accidents or mishaps but I know for certain that we or any of our friends with young children do not have locks on their bedroom door.

 

Totally agree with johnb concerning the NSPCC, wouldn't do any harm to phone them for advice as a starting point rather than social services, it might at least put your mind at rest

 

Grace

[LondonRascal]

Whilst we can talk on this forum about anything under the sun, in the main we talk boating here.

 

If you wanted advice on how to clean fenders you'd get a great deal of helpful responses.

 

You've raised a question which is rather emotive and in practice may be hard to raise with those concerned - my advice would be to raise this point on a forum where if you asked about fenders they would know nothing, but ask about child welfare and your bound to find those who know a great deal - Mums Net

[watershed]

Help! I've locked my grubby fenders in my stern locker and mislaid the key,how can i get them out to clean them? Lol

[donnygeoff]

Help! I've locked my grubby fenders in my stern locker and mislaid the key,how can i get them out to clean them? Lol

 

Get a great big hammer, tell the fenders to stand well back.....

 

Give yourself a smacked bum for being a bad fender-looker-afterer....

 

ps... use a nice soft cloth and non-bio soap stuff so they do not get traumatised too  much from the experience...

 

 

And on a serious note..... locks on inside doors, never, in my mind...even the bathroom

locks on windows, not a problem you can put a chair through a window to get out, ( two chairs if it is doubled glazed)

 

[sean8390]

Oh dear what a way to have to say hello , but sometimes politeness has to take second place ! The original poster raised a question for advice personally in my opinion not the right place (obviously by some of the put downs) child welfare or anyone else in the community who could be classed as vulnerable elderly, less abled, limited learning etc ,, needs to have the support of everyone ,, personal relationships etc can have a bearing on how you can raise concerns and solve them sometimes people look for a solution to a domestic issue innocently and arrive at a completely wrong answer ,,,, house fires are not like coronation st ,eastenders or any other tv programme ,, you can expect at best 1 min of lung function ,absolute zero vision , and thats if the fire affected floor is downstairs , if you have a spare window have go out breaking double glazing with a chair or expect a child trapped in bedroom to be able to do it !,, how do I know ? Because I have seen the devastation and loss of life house fires bring , if you are unsure take advice from your local fire station gain facts not hear say and act upon them to the right agency's , turning out to a house fire with distraught people screaming their dog is trapped is awful ,, hope I never go to one when we are told a child or other vulnerable person is trapped in a room by the very person who has evacuated! !! Rant over Ff Richards ,, vpo

Vulnerable persons officer

[BroadScot]

Hi Sean,

 

Welcome to the NBN friendly forum  Thank you for input. Some very important points IMHO.

 

Iain.

[ranworthbreeze]

Hello Sean,

 

Welcome to the forum from Tan & myself.

 

Regards

Alan

[MauriceMynah]

Whilst I accept that some very important and valuable information has been given, dare I mention that Watershed has asked an important question and has asked for members opinions and advice.

In my over arrogant opinion, there is no "wrong place" to do this, we are all friends here.

 

My advice (for what it's worth).

Do not report this to anyone (yet).

Monitor the situation as subtly and/or tactfully as you can.

I say this as a direct result of your sentence... "In all other respects,the child is happy,healthy,well fed and clothed."

It is (again in my opinion) almost certain that this lock has been placed for the child's own safety, however you say "apparently because he wakes in the night."

How come "Apparently" is that what they said or a "probable guess" on your part. This is important as I can think of other equally innocent possibilities.

What toilet arrangements does the child have? Not being a parent myself I have no idea whether at 4 years old a child is "self sufficient" in that area!

There are so many questions I could ask, (and I suspect you could too) that at the end of the day we know less than we do not know.

 

In short, Do not turn a blind eye, but more importantly, do not intervene. A watching brief is what I recommend.

 

To Sean8390, Welcome to the forum. As you say,. there are times for tact and times for bluntness, this was one for straight talking, however as we don't know anything about the "lock" it's difficult to know how much of a danger this lock presents in the event of a fire. Something that can stop a 4 year old may be virtually unnoticeable to an adult. One has to balance the risks and probabilities of fire against a young child wandering about upstairs in the dark.

[Gracie]

Hi Sean

 

A very warm welcome aboard from me   excellent first post in my opinion, now go into the New Members section and tell us some more about yourself, we are very friendly on here but also extremely nosey (well I am anyway Lol )

 

Grace

[watershed]

As previously posted,i think on reflection we may possibly be seeing a cause for concern where none exists.

However,a little more info won't go amiss.

There are locking stair gates,top and bottom and a working smoke alarm.

The lock is a barrel bolt,as used on toilet doors.

The child is toilet trained but does need help with the paperwork!

The reason for the lock is to prevent him disturbing other family members(inc mum and dad) in the night.

Our concerns were based on the possibility of the child being unwell/getting distressed in the night and being unable to summon help/comfort.

I apologise to all those that feel i should not have posted this on this particular forum,i was under the impression 'the lounge' was anything goes.

Thanks

[Gracie]

The Lounge

Non Broads Related Topics and Discussions......I don't think you posted in the wrong place Watershed, there is nothing wrong with being concerned and sharing those concerns with other parents who also happen to be Boaters.

 

I hope your mind is more settled now, although I personally feel no child of any age should be locked in a room under any circumstances, only my opinion of course

 

Grace

[BroadScot]

Hi Watershed,

 

Puting my Mods cap on, you will have noticed at know point have we intervened in the thread. I personaly have found it interesting to read ALL the replies. 

 

Yes, The Lounge is used for all sorts of subjects, and that is one of the beauties of this forum that we do diversify away from the water from time to time. Long may it continue, I say

 

Iain.

[ExSurveyor]

If a four year old wants his parents attention, he will be heard unless they live in a substantial house the bedrooms are going to be close by.

I have a gorgeous grandson who likes to wander in the early hours and a stair gate works well. I wouldn't use a bolt on the door but we all have different ways of rearing children.

Perhaps a cause for a mutter and a tut tut under your breath but not a case to involve the official agencies.