Timbo Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I know the Norfolk Boating fraternity is a fashion conscious bunch, what with that French Fashion House La Them's in Potter Heigham and of course Roys in Wroxham, so I'm turning to the forum in the hope of being pointed in the right direction... I need some help with Uncle Albert's Trousers. Now that I'm the carer for the old duffer i want to smarten him up a bit, starting with the trouser department. A couple of years back I made a suggestion that 'while he's on the boat' jogging pants would be easier to deal with. His soon to be ex wife has dressed him only in jogging pants ever since. All well and good but they don't sort of go with his gansey, and RN blazer that he insists on wearing. So your mission, should you choose to accept it, I need to find some easily washed, quickly dried, no ironing required trousers with creases in the leg, preferably with an elasticated waist to accommodate a wide waist and skinny legs, preferably black in colour, that will look appropriate worn with a blazer...oh yes and that damned sailors hat he insists on wearing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFvSovPwmno 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyMorgan Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I had heard that Uncle Albert's trousers are in dire need of a wash. Apparently they went solo walk abouts the other night, someone mistook them for Old Shuck.Heavens only knows what caused the glow of their eyes! The other option is to nip into BHS, they do light twill trousers with elastic in the waistband, in natty colours as well as navy. I say that they do, they did last summer. 'Walking trousers', from Millets , are pretty good for us old codgers. Quick drying, handy if the old boy dribbles!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polly Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Craghoppers or Gelert cargoes might be the way to go? I use these on the boat and they are very tough, comfortable and fast drying. Try Hawkshead or Nearest and Dearest for a good price. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyMorgan Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Agree that Craghoppers are excellent but their idea of waist sizes appears to differ from other manufacturers in my experience. In other words, try 'em on before buying them. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BroadScot Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 What about a kilt? No undergarments required, no washing of underwear and very little washing if any of the kilt....always a bonus! Looks smart with a blazer. You don't see the bottom half very often on the boat if at all. Job done! Iain. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeoffandWendy Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Can someone please tell me. Who this Uncle Albert guy is? Is he real or just a figment of the imagination.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BroadScot Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Read Timbos web site Geoff! Hes 110% real! Iain. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grendel Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I read the first post and also thought a kilt would be the solution - then a nagging thought reminded me of Kenny Everett - all in the best possible taste, and I thought maybe not. Grendel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GeoffandWendy Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Read Timbos web site Geoff! Hes 110% real! Iain. Yes Iain, you are right. Uncle Albert is alive and kicking. Timbos website is certainly an enjoyable read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ranworthbreeze Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 Hi Timbo, Wallace & Gromit have a pair of little used trousers, would they do Regards Alan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polly Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 It's Timbo's dad, Tim cares for him because he suffers from dementia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyMorgan Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 It's Timbo's dad, Tim cares for him because he suffers from dementia. Oh dear, not an easy task, my mum-in-law is similarly stricken. Tim has my sympathies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyMorgan Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 What about a kilt? No undergarments required, no washing of underwear and very little washing if any of the kilt....always a bonus! Looks smart with a blazer. You don't see the bottom half very often on the boat if at all. Job done! Iain. On the Broads, Iain? What with eels and snakes climbing bare legs and rats seeking easy meals I have my doubts! How can you put bicycle clips on a kilt? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grendel Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 It's Timbo's dad, Tim cares for him because he suffers from dementia. I wouldnt say Timbo suffers from Dementia..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdnamsGirl Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I'm sure Uncle Albert's Trousers did a session for John Peel in the 1980s .... Carol 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyMorgan Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I'm sure Uncle Albert's Trousers did a session for John Peel in the 1980s .... Carol Thought it was The Old Grey Whistle Test! (Nice one, Carol. made me laugh!) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveO Posted March 12, 2015 Share Posted March 12, 2015 I think a kilt would be a good idea and would fancy it myself, but there would be a cold wind in the Trossachs at this time of year. Steve 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Polly Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Tim doesn't Uncle Albert does. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BrundallNavy Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 Tim, just make sure you don't get the WRONG TROUSERS. Doug. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timbo Posted April 15, 2015 Author Share Posted April 15, 2015 Still no joy on the trouser front for Uncle Albert. I despair at the idiotic modern sizing scale of S,M,L,XL and XXL. Uncle Albert is classed as FB but only around the middle! Let me try and conjure the picture for you...no...no I insist...if I have to suffer nightmares it's only fair that you all should join me. The sight of Albert in his undercrackers is a little like ...imagine if you will a knock kneed 5ft tall sparrow playing a bass drum has become trapped in the changing cubicle and is shivering from fright. So we have abandoned the fancy trousers and stayed with the jogging bottoms for the minute and decided to tackle him from the other way up...starting with his damned blazer. I have to have it dry cleaned every week, its a complete pain to put on and take off of him and I need to replace it with a smart, light weight jacket with sizeable internal pockets to keep his sweetie stach and notebook in. Incidentally, a recent visit to our local Indian Restaurant and the head waiter asked how Uncle Albert was getting on. The last time I took him in there for a meal, the waiter approached the table and said "No offence, but you two remind me of someone." "I had a cousin that was a waiter!" says Uncle Albert. "Not in our restaurant I wouldn't think." said the waiter. "Could have been, our Peter liked a curry!" exclaimed Uncle Albert. The waiter returned with our main meals. "Ayam dalam bakul!" said Uncle Albert. "Pardon?" said the waiter. "That's Malay Dad, he won't understand you! I can't understand you!" I told Uncle Albert. "So what language does he speak?" asked uncle Albert turning to the waiter. "Where...are...you...from?" Uncle Albert asked the waiter loudly as I cringed. "Brad...ford!" said the waiter winking at me. As I settled the bill the waiter grinned at me. "No offence, but I've remembered who you two remind me of!" he said. "Go on!" I urged dreading the reply. "Steptoe and Son! No offence!" grinned the waiter. The thing is, every time I go for a curry they ask me to bring Uncle Albert back to visit. "He's a bloody good laugh mate!" says the waiter. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mowjo Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Timbo! you can try a company called Chums they do everything for the weird shaped, but be warned if you do use them you'll be getting snail mail from them every couple of months, I used them for a pair of Dessert Boots about five years ago and I still get snail mail from them, Frank,,, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grendel Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 how about a small Bell tent, or maybe a santa claus outfit. Grendel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonzo Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Why not just spray his legs a new colour each week? Halfords do quite a range of colours. B&Q also do some paint which has been opened and sold cheap. That would postpone the problem until next winter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LondonRascal Posted April 17, 2015 Share Posted April 17, 2015 Two websites: 1. http://www.chums.co.uk/menswear/trousers/elasticated-waistbandsand http://www.chums.co.uk/menswear/trousers/lesiure-trousers and 2. http://www.premierman.com/shop/trousers/menswear/1/_/N-1ytw5w8/products/show.action?type=cmr&hnid=11141242&cm_sp=PMA-Menswear-_-Categories-_-Trousers#/shop/loose-fit/stretch/trousers/menswear/1/_/N-10h9Z10haZ1ytw5w8/products/show.action?hnid=11141242&spv=true&type=cmr Happy shopping Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Timbo Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 Thanks for all the suggestions but I have finally found a solution to Uncle Albert's trouser problem. I picked up Uncle Albert on Tuesday for his weekly shopping trip and visit to my house. My other half was on holiday so decided to come with me. I took one look at Uncle Albert when we arrived at his house and knew something had to be done. Three days growth of beard on most of his face, what looked like two huge hairy caterpillars crawling out of his nostrils where he had missed shaving under his nose for a few days more made him look like Hitler. Black jogging bottoms that had shrunk in the wash, black t-shirt and a black blazer...with half his breakfast down the front. Of course everything was topped...and bottomed...off with his damned sailors hat and his velcro fastening shoes. Step One. Drive back to my house and put his razor in his hand. Point out there is no tea and cake without a shave. Step Two Take him for tea and cake and do his food shop at Tesco. Step Three Take him to Buoys to buy clothes. Buoyes is a fantastic shop for the boating fraternity. They sell tools, hardware, housewares, materials, upholstery supplies, fishing tackle, painting and decorating tools and paints, they even sell 'pin striping' masking tape for doing the gold trim on RT! Most importantly of all they sell clothes. The kind of clothes Ted Moult and Bernard Mathews used to wear on the TV adverts. Farmers clothes, old mans clothes. I grabbed the first assistant I could find and told her what i was looking for. Trousers that with an elasticated waist that were not jogging bottoms, that looked like normal trousers, that were of a lightweight material easily washed and dried, wouldn't need ironing, were a dark colour and came in sizes ranging from XXL to FB! Hey Presto! She had two pairs of just what I was looking for. I added a number of polo type shirts to the shopping trolley, a navy coloured lightweight casual 'bomber' style jacket and a pair of deck shoes, with velcro fastenings! Back at home I pried Uncle Albert's blazer from him. Confiscating the blazer he was dressed in his finery. Vast, vast improvement. He looked quite dapper. Even when he insisted on putting that sodding sailor hat back on! Visited him today at his day center and he was wearing his trousers and a new shirt. Somehow and from somewhere he had found another blazer, royal blue this time. I will be confiscating the damned thing next Tuesday! You may think I'm cruel confiscating his beloved blazers but they are a nightmare to put on him. It can take twenty minutes to get his arms into the sleeves. On top of this there is the cleaning bill which can run to £30 a weeks on dry cleaning. We topped everything off with a bottle of his favourite aftershave, Aramis, and he was swatting off old ladies at the day center like flies. Just got to wait for Buoyes to get more of those trousers into the store now! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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