Help An Idiot

[Wonderwall]

Hello my fellow broad worshippers . I hope you are all looking after heaven on earth so it's in its usual state for me when I get down in September  ( tick tock tick tock)

Anyway , who's hid the webcams? And where have you hidden them???

Im sure I found them a couple of weeks ago , but my memory seems to play wee tricks on me these days , and now I canny find them 

Now I need my wee fix of wroxham , Bert woods boats and see how my wee bird in Norwiich is getting on.

So use small words , pics would help  and guide me to the hidden place 

muchas gracias amigos an amigas 

[grendel]

http://forum.norfolkbroadsnetwork.com/handy-information/webcams/

They are now linked from the Handy Information Tab at the top of the page.

[Regulo]

When I read the title of this thread, I thought someone had started a fund for me. 

[deebee29]

Hi Neil

have a look in the Handy links section 

I made a post about it the other day

http://forum.norfolkbroadsnetwork.com/topic/12762-forum-navigation-improvements/#comment-194729

 

[MauriceMynah]

So did I ray.  

[Timbo]

So...there isn't a raffle? 

[grendel]

I think maybe after this we should alter the title to say "Help! An Idiot"

(or even 3)

[Wonderwall]

 folks

on the subject of idiots, and this I promise you is 100% true, I was trying to find a destination in Glasgow one evening and I had got lost  Long  before sat navs etc. Now, lets just say Glaswegians (weegies) are a different breed from the rest of us.

Anyway , I pulled up beside a chap who looked reasonably sober, and asked him directions to my destination, and he uttered the absolute classic line "och, I woodnae start fi here laddie "

There's not much you can say to that!!!   Then him and his mate started arguing about the correct route.  I drove off non the wiser!!!!

 

[Regulo]

I was on a half day from work in London. On the train home (to Basildon, sorry, someone's got to live there) a Scotty fellow got on at the first stop out, and asked, "Does this train go to Laindon, Jimmy?". I assured him it did. After a couple more stops, and before arriving at Laindon, he got up, gave me a look that said, "I'll have you for breakfast, spit you out, then have you again for lunch" and stormed off, slamming the door so hard the carriage rocked. i then realised he'd actually asked, "Does this train go to London, Jimmy?". I wasn't too upset, as my name wasn't Jimmy, anyway.

[deebee29]

4 minutes ago, Wonderwall said:

 folks

on the subject of idiots, and this I promise you is 100% true, I was trying to find a destination in Glasgow one evening and I had got lost  Long  before sat navs etc. Now, lets just say Glaswegians (weegies) are a different breed from the rest of us.

Anyway , I pulled up beside a chap who looked reasonably sober, and asked him directions to my destination, and he uttered the absolute classic line "och, I woodnae start fi here laddie "

There's not much you can say to that!!!   Then him and his mate started arguing about the correct route.  I drove off non the wiser!!!!

 

Reminds me of the very old Billy Connolly sketch "Glasgow Accents" when he's in a phone box talking to the operator and she asks

Is there money in the box? and he says No, Only me!

Only works in a broad drunken Glasgow accent where money sounds like many 

[addicted]

It's all in the pronunciation, Many years ago when I was a telephone operator we used to keep a separate file for Irish telephone exchanges dialling codes. One day I  took a call from a  phone box from an Irishman  with a very broad accent who wanted to be put through to a Tattagh Galeary number we searched through the Irish codes directory in vain and after some minutes in desperation asked him to spell it. This he did very slowly and clearly TATE GALLERY!

 

Carole

[Wonderwall]

The best idiot I have ever seen was on the programme pointless 

The category was assassinations, and the clue was "was shot in Dallas 1963"

The contestant said JR, , I nearly chocked on my haggis.  The two hosts were in tears also, I'm surprised I haven't seen it on the endless " it'll be all right on the night" stuff.

Idiots are a godsend, they make us all look talented at times. We all have our moments , well I certainly do 

[Gracie]

My Mum loved Dallas and I can honestly tell you it WAS JR who was shot in Dallas and shot by is wife too by all accounts

Grace

 

 

 

[SwanR]

Actually I do believe that he was shot by his sister-in-law Grace.

Thanks to everyone for giving me a really good chuckle this morning. 

[vanessan]

9 hours ago, Wonderwall said:

The best idiot I have ever seen was on the programme pointless 

The category was assassinations, and the clue was "was shot in Dallas 1963"

The contestant said JR, , I nearly chocked on my haggis.  The two hosts were in tears also, I'm surprised I haven't seen it on the endless " it'll be all right on the night" stuff.

Idiots are a godsend, they make us all look talented at times. We all have our moments , well I certainly do 

I'm sad to say that I saw this and when the question was asked, my mind immediately went to Southfork and JR! Luckily I recovered quite quickly and realised that was not the answer. My excuse was that I was cooking at the time and didn't really take in the question properly. 

[TheQ]

11 hours ago, Wonderwall said:

The best idiot I have ever seen was on the programme pointless 

The category was assassinations, and the clue was "was shot in Dallas 1963"

The contestant said JR, , I nearly chocked on my haggis.  The two hosts were in tears also, I'm surprised I haven't seen it on the endless " it'll be all right on the night" stuff.

Idiots are a godsend, they make us all look talented at times. We all have our moments , well I certainly do 

If you've used your haggis as a Chock you've overcooked it.

I prefer mine soft boiled, that way I don't choke on it.

[Wonderwall]

20 minutes ago, TheQ said:

If you've used your haggis as a Chock you've overcooked it.

I prefer mine soft boiled, that way I don't choke on it.

I prefer mine raw  . At its best about an hour after its shot, and only when in season

[Regulo]

The haggis is an endangered species, and the penalties for taking one from the wild are severe. Please only buy the farmed variety, and look for the red sporran label on the pack. This ensures the very best quality and freshness. Buy organic and pay twice as much. You won't notice any difference, but your conscience will be clear.

[CambridgeCabby]

Many years ago whilst still a publican I persuaded a regular that pastrami was meat from a flying squirrel , completely forgot about the wind up and was highly amused when I heard it repeated months later in all sincerity 

[grendel]

my daughter (27 years old) still believes in left and right handed haggis, of course the two breeds cannot intermingle, left hand haggis have shorter left legs and only go anti clockwise round hills, whereas right hand haggis go clockwise having shorter right legs. they cannot interbreed, because left and right hand haggis only ever meet nose to nose or tail to tail, as if they turn round the short legs are downhill and they fall over and roll to the bottom of the hill.

[Speleologist]

4 hours ago, grendel said:

my daughter (27 years old) still believes in left and right handed haggis, of course the two breeds cannot intermingle, left hand haggis have shorter left legs and only go anti clockwise round hills, whereas right hand haggis go clockwise having shorter right legs. they cannot interbreed, because left and right hand haggis only ever meet nose to nose or tail to tail, as if they turn round the short legs are downhill and they fall over and roll to the bottom of the hill.

That misses the enterprise of the haggis farmers after the passing of the Enclosure Act. Once there were fences running up and down the hillside the haggis could no longer continue indefinitely the same way round the hill. They would meet a fence, turn the other way and roll inexorably to the bottom. As a good way of catching haggis for the pot it had a lot going for it. However the atrition rate was too high and the haggis were not growing to maturity. So the haggis farmers developed the Wether go Nimble, a pair of stilts for the shorter legs that made them longer than the long legs. The haggis could now graze back the other way rather than be stopped by the fence. However one unexpected side effect was that left and right handed haggis could now interbreed, with unexpected results. Nowadays, as well as left and right handed haggis, there are ambidextrous haggis, which can't stand upright whichever way the slope goes. They therefore struggle to survive in the wild and the haggis is rapidly becoming an endangered species. The only hope lies with carefully selected breeding programmes run in the flatlands. But these see doomed to failure as haggis seem unable to survive in a flat landscape.