Daft Things Your Parents Said

[Regulo]

Let's have a bit of fun. What's the daftest thing your parents have come out with? As a starter, when I told my mum I was going to the park with my mates to climb trees, she said, " Well, don't come running to me when you break both legs!".

[Regulo]

Another of her favourites - "Well, I'll go to the foot of our stairs!". We lived in a ground floor flat.

[Timbo]

Should she loose something Mum would always exclaim 'And there it was...gone!'. As a kid I would always know I was looking scruffy and due a haircut as Mum would tell me 'You look like 'Ocky's Dog!'. Mum had a little black kitten which went by the name of 'The Black 'Addock' or Addock for short. She once wrote a shopping list and dropped it off at the village store for the shopping to be delivered. The shopkeeper had to ring the house and ask 'What the hell is Addock Fodder Mrs?'....Cat Food.

Uncle Albert would often get words wrong. 'Next door's stuck a conservative on their back wall'. He would also include a lot of RN slang, but worse of all he would be purposefully obtuse. "If you're going out and come across a trawler with some old acquaintances bring me back a couple of packets of nine bob notes?". This was a request for some Loft-houses Fisherman's Friends. 

[Regulo]

Mum wasn't too good at spelling. Towards the end of her life she sent me off with a shopping list. I knew what most of the items were, but the one that stumped me was "demaria". I was sure she didn't mean demerara sugar, but what? Turns out she wanted Madeira cake. To paraphrase Eric Morecambe - all the right letters, not necessarily in the right order!

[ZimbiIV]

Jill still says to her daughters (42 & 44) come her while I smack your legs.

paul

[Timbo]

My Grandma came out with a good one. I'd popped into see her during half term in my first year at uni.
"Shouldn't you be in erm..., shouldn't you be in erm... Oh yes. Shouldn't you be in a cage somewhere?"

My Mum gave a new girlfriend of mine the once over. My girlfriend was very tall and slim and was wearing a short mini dress.
"You have very long legs dear. I see they go all the way up to your bum!"
You should have seen the speed my Dad shot out of the living room to introduce himself!

[grendel]

my dad always had a good saying when someone broke wind - we were always told to go to the bottom of the garden and shake ourselves.

[Regulo]

Only thing Mum got right in my case - "You'll get stuck like that if the wind changes". 

[jeffbroadslover]

One from my mum,  " If you don't stop crying i'll give you something for you to cry about"

Jeff

[MauriceMynah]

2 minutes ago, jeffbroadslover said:

" If you don't stop crying i'll give you something for you to cry about"

Word for word what my mum used to say too.

 

[jillR]

my daughter brought her boyfriend round to meet my mum

when we were all seated comfortably, she turned to the boyfriend and asked ...

"why are you wearing trainers, are you on the run ?"

[Regulo]

Mum also had a "thing" about "car sparkling plugs".

Run out of petrol - "Is it the sparkling plugs?".

Radiator leaking - "Have you checked the sparkling plugs?".

Widscreen wipers failed - "Could it be the sparkling plugs?".

I think it was the only part of the car she'd actually heard of.

[Wildfuzz]

My mum was a nurse she used  "hyperdeemic nurdles" for injections and babies had "umberbilical cords", no wonder she took early retirement!!!!

[Regulo]

Mum was always ready for the "Rita meeder", so we could have some bobs and florins back.

[addicted]

Back in the  1970s when it became fashionable for boys to go minus socks my friend's daughter brought her new boyfriend home to meet her. Looking down at his bare ankles my friend asked him "has your mother got behind with the washing?"

 

Carole

[Gracie]

Getting ready to go on a date once my Mum turned to me and said "I hope you're going to wear a skirt with that belt" ......"Why?" Dad answered "You never did"......way to go Dad

She also said once "I hope you keep a diary, good girls do, bad girls don't have the time"

Grace

[addicted]

11 minutes ago, Gracie said:

Getting ready to go on a date once my Mum turned to me and said "I hope you're going to wear a skirt with that belt" ......"Why?" Dad answered "You never did"......way to go Dad

She also said once "I hope you keep a diary, good girls do, bad girls don't have the time"

Grace

I wish I'd known that when my daughter was a teenager, I'd have been much reassured by the fact that she did keep a diary!

 

 

Carole

[Bound2Please]

28 minutes ago, Gracie said:

Getting ready to go on a date once my Mum turned to me and said "I hope you're going to wear a skirt with that belt" ......"Why?" Dad answered "You never did"......way to go Dad

She also said once "I hope you keep a diary, good girls do, bad girls don't have the time"

Grace

Good girls go to heaven

Bad girls go every where

Charlie

[Timbo]

Mum always referred to the hardware shop as the 'Esso Doo Bleeder'.

Before transferring to the Ministry of Defence Mum was at the Ministry of Work and Pensions when she first left school. On her first day behind the desk a chap sauntered up to the counter ignoring the queue and declared 'My name's Johnny Wardle the cricketer and I want my money!". Apparently 'off season' the 'professional' sportsmen of the day claimed the dole. Mum starred him in the eye and declared 'My names Sheila and I'm the clerk, bugger off to the back of the queue!'.

[Vaughan]

When my mother was in her later years she always loved to gather the remains of the family for special occasions such as birthdays and Christmas. I would always bring a bottle of champagne to celebrate. As I un-corked it with a suitable pop, she would say "Ooh! Lovely, dear!"

She died many years ago now, but whenever Susie and I celebrate something with a bottle of bubbly, as the cork goes pop we always say "Ooh! Lovely, dear!"

[grendel]

2 hours ago, Bound2Please said:

Good girls go to heaven

Bad girls go every where

Charlie

Meatloaf----

[Bound2Please]

Yup in one Grendel

Charlie

[ChrisB]

My mother liked her toast very well done. This was fine but when staying with us she set off the smoke alarm. This was before domestic smoke alarms were common place but they had started to be encouraged on the TV etc.

"Well I don't want one of them if that's what they do" said she.

[addicted]

4 hours ago, Gracie said:

Getting ready to go on a date once my Mum turned to me and said "I hope you're going to wear a skirt with that belt" ......"Why?" Dad answered "You never did"......way to go Dad

She also said once "I hope you keep a diary, good girls do, bad girls don't have the time"

Grace

When I was growing up I rarely if ever heard either of my parents swear, however one evening when I was about 9 years old my father and  I returned home entering by the back door.  My mother was in the front room hanging curtains, we heard this swishing noise, followed by my mother, clearly under the impression she had the house to herself, giving an exasperated "ooooh, S**T! the curtains complete with rail had fallen down, I'd never seen my father laugh so much I thought he would wet himself. My mother was mortified when she realised she'd been overheard.

 

 

Carole

[Mowjo]

In my house if you lost something, mum would say it's in Annies room, if you asked where she was going or had been! her answer was been/going to Annies room, even now I have no idea who Annie was or where her room was!