Norfolk Lady Tales

[Mouldy]

28 minutes ago, Broads01 said:

Very sorry to hear about your Mum, Malcom. You must have felt so grateful to have your boat.

Always grateful to have our boat, Simon.  Owning a boat was a dream for a long time and I thought that buying into a syndicate was as close as I could get.  There are still times that I struggle to realise that we’ve achieved the dream and have a boat of our own.

This has been a difficult year - Deb’s dad passed away on 1st May and my mum on 1st October, both affected by vascular dementia, amongst other things.  It’s a dreadful illness and very painful to watch.

 

[Gracie]

Sorry about your mum, my heartfelt condolences to you and your family x

[Aboattime]

So sorry to hear your sad news Malcolm,best wishes from me and the rest of my family.

    kevin

[CeePee1952]

Sincere condolences from both of us Malcolm. Our thoughts are with you both at this very sad time.

Chris and Brenda

[Bikertov]

My condolences Malcolm. Loss is never easy, but a sad fact of life.

[kpnut]

My thoughts are with you Malcolm xx

[Mouldy]

Not a Norfolk Lady tale at all, but Friday saw us travel to Milton Keynes to say goodbye to mum.  Her funeral was at the crematorium.  We had the same funeral directors who looked after dad’s funeral so professionally in 2017.  My dad was in the funeral trade, ending his working life as Superintendent at Golders Green Crematorium in North West London, where he’d been employed for 39 years.  He knew what was ‘proper’ and I’m sure he would have approved.  We had the same minister who officiated at dad’s too.

Mum had belief’s, but wasn’t a churchgoer, so the service was appropriate and I’d thought long and hard over the music.  I hope we did her proud.  We requested family flowers only, but donations to two charities, Dementia UK and The Dogs Trust, the former because it’s a dreadful illness that’s becoming all too common in our society and the latter because mum loved her dogs.  That said, a couple of her neighbours had clubbed together a bought a small wreath, which was fine by me.

After the service, we went to a nearby pub, where I’d arranged some food and drinks.  At ninety, mum had outlived so many of her friends, so there weren’t huge numbers there, but the lady who’d been mum’s youngest bridesmaid at her wedding in 1954 was there with her husband.  Now 77, they’d travelled up from Surrey to attend, for which I was very grateful.

As for me, I feel better.  The feeling of loss did hit me on Friday and I’ll confess to letting my emotions show, but tempered by the knowledge that mum is in a better place now, free from pain.  I had good parents, something for which I’ll be forever grateful.

[Ray]

Beautiful flowers and it sounds like you did her proud and was able to say your own goodbye. Feeling and showing emotion isn't easy, it is a tribute to your mum that you did. May she rest in peace.

 

[FairTmiddlin]

Malcolm A very fitting tribute to your Mum a great send off you did her proud

Never an easy thing to have to arrange. I'd had that talk with mine and wrote down her wishes. Right down to the music she wanted.

Any Son or Daughter I think should broach this subject. Yes I know it's a hard thing to say to someone but, does save a lot of grief and anguish of, did I get it right for them.

[Lulu]

My 89 year old parents have already made arrangements. Dad showed me he has paid in full and had great satisfaction showing me the invoice.  They do not want any kind of service whatsoever.  All that will happen is the funeral directors come and do their thing and thats it.  The instructions my brother and I have is only when they have both gone, we can have a “damn good party” to celebrate their lives.  In one way Im relieved but at the same time not sure us as a family will have any sense of closure but we obviously will respect their wishes.  I think what Kpnut did with the flowers will be something we will do also as our ‘closure’ as the Broads were very happy times for all of us as a family.  

[Smoggy]

My Mum has done much the same Lulu, she wasn't sure what she wanted so I told her I'd organise any type of service she wanted, next thing I knew she'd paid in full for one of the pure cremations with instructions to have a knees up when convenient for both me and my sister (she lives other side of the country) and spread the ashes over my old mans grave.

I think the choice was because I'd said I would be outside for any religious service as I don't do them, I have sat through one thinking what a load of old tosh all through a friends funeral and it's a horrible feeling and no way to pay your respects but if you don't believe you don't believe, I'm not seeing my Mum off like that.

[addicted]

My father died 12 years before my mother and I was at a loss as to where to scatter his ashes. I felt  it would be right to  scatter both his ashes and my mother's when the time came in the same place - but where would be appropriate to both of them. For my father the  place that would resonate with him would be Brands Hatch and for my mother the floor at the Lyceum Ballroom -  both pretty hard to arrange! Having 12 years to think about it helped and I came up with the idea that  the only place that was significant to them both was where they met. So for 12 years my dad was "stored" in the drawer under our bed (he would have found that hillarious) and when mum died I took them both to the roadside at Alexandra Palace where they had first set eyes on each other in 1934!  Although I suspect that my mum  was more impressed by my father's motorbike than him!

 

 

Carole

[grendel]

I cant help it, I always get the giggles at the crematorium, I mean, why do all the doors except the obvious one, have a sign saying fire exit on them?

when I was still into re-enactment a friend died and asked for his ashes to be sprinkled from the top of a castle tower at a show, in this case it happened to be Rochester Castle on a rather damp day.

the ashes party duly went to the top of the castle to scatter the ashes above the showground, unfortunately the damp weather had caused them to clump in the urn, and upon their return to ground level they were met with the sight of a very grumpy castle custodian with a yard broom sweeping the castle steps, muttering about 'bloomin' teenagers chucking stuff off the battlements- apparently he had just been walking past there and they had nearly landed on his head.

the deceased would have found this a tremendously hilarious tale, so in reality it was quite fitting.

[Bikertov]

It's a small world Malcolm - my mum grew up round the corner from Golders Green crematorium, and my dad is buried in the cemetery opposite.

Funny how different worlds cross, and otherwise total strangers find thing in common ...

And it sounds like the day was a very fitting send-off for your mum, just as it should be.

[Mouldy]

1 hour ago, Bikertov said:

It's a small world Malcolm - my mum grew up round the corner from Golders Green crematorium, and my dad is buried in the cemetery opposite.

Funny how different worlds cross, and otherwise total strangers find thing in common ...

We lived in Hoop Lane - the house was a tied property.  My bedroom overlooked the cemetery!  I moved away from the area and to Milton Keynes in 1977.  The mortgage on our first house was little more than we were paying in rent for a flat over a shop on Finchley Road that I moved into when I left home a couple of years previously.  Mum and dad retired to Milton Keynes in 1993.

As you say, a small world!

[YnysMon]

Coo, you must have been some of the first incomers to Milton Keynes. We didn’t get there until 1983, the year we got married. 1977 was the year Graham and I started dating.

[kpnut]

I can sincerely say to one and all - please have conversations with your kids about any wishes you might or might not have for being dispatched when the time comes. 
Mum had plan A, for medical students to have her for practice, unfortunately it can’t happen, so now we don’t know plan B and this weekend has been very difficult as we (me and 3 siblings) all have different ways we want to go about things. 
I’m not leaving my two kids to sort it out!

To Malcolm, xxxx

[YnysMon]

I suppose there are some compensations for being an only child.  I just went along with what I thought my Mam would have wanted, with no one to question it. On the other hand, you do have to sort out everything.

End of life arrangements can often cause rifts, which I’m sure is the last thing our parents would want. Sam’s post struck me. I guess some people think it would be better to take all that stress away, and not put the family through a funeral, but for Graham and I, we felt that the funerals of our mothers really helped to give us solace. I was going to say closure, but having been so close to my Mam, as Graham was to his Mum, I don’t think that’s an accurate expression. 

[Mouldy]

10 hours ago, kpnut said:

I can sincerely say to one and all - please have conversations with your kids about any wishes you might or might not have for being dispatched when the time comes. 
Mum had plan A, for medical students to have her for practice, unfortunately it can’t happen, so now we don’t know plan B and this weekend has been very difficult as we (me and 3 siblings) all have different ways we want to go about things. 
I’m not leaving my two kids to sort it out!

So sorry to hear, Kate.  Like Helen, being an only child did leave notifying relevant people and making all arrangements down to me.  Deb would have helped more, but as she is still working, wasn’t able to do as much as she otherwise would.  But again, like Helen, there were no arguments - I made funeral arrangements that I thought mum would have approved of, with music she liked and an appropriate floral tribute which included some silk lily of the valley, her favourite flowers,  the genuine articles sadly unavailable at this time of the year.

It had been stressful, but everything went as well as I could have hoped.  I feel for you now having to deal with problems that you don’t  need at times like these.  I’m sure that your mum wouldn’t want her demise to be the cause of conflict between her offspring and hope that you are able to reach a compromise to give her a send off that gives comfort to you all.

[kpnut]

Thanks Mouldy. We’ll get there. 
I’m glad that you feel more at ease now you’ve did the honours for your mum. 

[Bikertov]

On 30/10/2022 at 17:53, Mouldy said:

We lived in Hoop Lane - the house was a tied property.  My bedroom overlooked the cemetery!  I moved away from the area and to Milton Keynes in 1977.  The mortgage on our first house was little more than we were paying in rent for a flat over a shop on Finchley Road that I moved into when I left home a couple of years previously.  Mum and dad retired to Milton Keynes in 1993.

As you say, a small world!

How funny ... I have a number of family members buried in Hoop Lane.

The world could actually be even smaller still. My maternal grandfather was a local GP during that time. He may well have certified some of your fathers 'customers' before their final journey

[Smoggy]

8 hours ago, Bikertov said:

How funny ... I have a number of family members buried in Hoop Lane.

I doubt the family members see it that way...

[Bikertov]

5 hours ago, Smoggy said:

I doubt the family members see it that way...

I will ask next time I pop in to say "Hi" - I tend to visit at least once a year, more often if I go to a funeral.

We have 3 generations there - mind you my Grandma was always very serious, so she may not get the humour 

[Mouldy]

That’s it, thread back on track (at last).

The weatherman (we’ll, my app) said that we were going to have good weather over the weekend.  Needing a little respite after the trials of the recent past and an expensive visit to the dentist yesterday for a tooth to be pulled out, a weekend on the boat was called for.  We arrived at the yard just as darkness fell and hastily transferred our bits and pieces from the car to the boat.

Still feeling sore from the tooth extraction, we had dinner of tortellini in cheese sauce, courtesy of Tesco (other supermarkets are available).  I managed to suck my food without biting myself.  Happy days!  We had an early night, me fuelled by painkillers.

I woke this morning to a chilly, misty start to the day, a far cry from the sunny start that the weatherman promised.  The immersion heater soon heated water for a shower and I managed to some toast and marmalade for breakfast.  Progress!!  I think it was about 09:30 when we cast off and chugged slowly down the Yare, heading for Hardley Mill.

Unfortunately, we were punching the tide, but there wasn’t any hurry, so I kept the revs down with economy in mind.  We arrived at the mill moorings to find them empty, so moored and chilled.  Another boat (gin palace) moored later, but left by about 14:00, probably heading back to Brundall before darkness fell.

As the sun went down, I took a few photos and sent a drone up.  It had been a perfect day.  Two more boats are now moored here, we have a chicken casserole in the oven, which will be ready for about 19:00 and I’ve just finished my first gin.  What could be better?

[Ray]

A well deserved break Malc 👍